I used to be so good at sitting in front of the computer and just typing about nothing.

About anything.

Just sitting and typing and wherever my mind wandered I followed and somehow it turned out to be a halfway decent post.

However, it seems as though lately I haven’t been able to sit and mindlessly wander. It feels as though like now I need to have a “purpose” for my post- a direction.

The truth is- I’m full of crap. There’s no blog law about purpose and no wandering. I think the truth is that I’m getting older.

I’m growing up.

I don’t know about you guys, but it seems as though each year I age, more creativity and imagination gets sucked out of me and more boring black and white corporate blah adult “stuff” gets shoved in me. I guess part of that is normal and goes with being older, but at the same time, it’s as though it gets easy to lose a part of yourself as you get so tangled up in work and mortgages and “adult responsibilities” (I have no idea why I put that in quotations) that you forget just to lighten up and freaking do what you want to do. Post. About about whatever makes me happy. Who cares if no one else cares?

I have no idea why I’m rambling on about these things.

Maybe because I’m about to turn another year older in a couple of weeks and it’s actually got me a little bummed?

It could be that.

I could be “projecting” (I have no idea why I put that in quotations either).

It’s probably that.

Actually, I have no idea.

Perhaps I’m using my birthday as a way to address my “lack of blogging direction” (again- I have no idea why that’s in quotations)?

Or it also could be that hey- I’m not getting any younger here. These wrinkles? Only going to get worse. And so therefore instead of focusing on the fact that I’m about to officially enter my mid-to-late 20s I am diverting attention to the fact that I can’t “mindlessly wander when I post anymore” (yeah- no idea what’s up with these pesky quotations… or the fact that I’m putting the period on the outside of them. What an annoyance. I wanted to spell nusciance, but yeah- as you can see, I have no idea how to spell it, so I thought it best not to put it in my post...)”

In all honesty, it’s probably a combination of both. I’m getting older. I look back at my first posts in 2005 and they seem to be written differently than the ones of 2009. I guess it’s because wow- I was a baby back then!- but now here I am, almost four years later and a little more mature and experienced than the 2005 Brittny. Also, 2005 Brittny never lived much of her life in the real world, and 2009 Brittny certainly has. I’m sure work and bills and adult-hood has changed me and my ability to sit down and just talk about whatever I want.

Oh- and who can forget that now I actually tend to care about who’s reading these days.

I think that’s a factor as well.

Whatever it is (and really- who cares?) I’ve come to realize I’m evolving. I’m changing everyday and so are my thoughts, interests, and things I share.

So who cares that I can’t just sit here and ramble about “silly things?” (ha ha, now I just want to annoy you with quotes. Yeah- I know. SO mature, right?)

I’m growing up. We’re all growing up. We’re changing and evolving and hopefully getting better.

I’m sure I’ll sit down and mindlessly write some day soon, and it will come easy and I’ll laugh because I was just certain it was due to my little quarter-life crisis.

Until then? I’m not worried.

More to come…