The B Love Life

What Working With Old People Has Done to Me

I work with a lot of old people.

A lot of old Southern people.

Being from Oklahoma, I’m fairly accustomed to quirky sayings to explain things, but lately it seems as though I’m surrounded in the things!

I’ve been keeping list of every single one I hear. I thought I’d share a few with you guys today. Who in the world came up with these things anway!?!

This issue has become our long pole in the tent.
Don’t you want a long pole in your tent? Doesn’t it support the entire structure? I don’t know about you- but give me a long pole!

You’re really holding our feet to the fire on this one!
What psycho came up with this saying? I mean sure, I get the point, but all I envision are large pairs of hairy toed funkified feet next to a blazing fire.

Uh- Ew.

Please, for all our sake, we really don’t want to hold your feet to the fire on this issue.

We concede.

I don’t get a warm fuzzy from him.
Warm fuzzy? What about Hot Hairy?

Or Luke Furry?

Those sound stupid, so why is “warm fuzzy” acceptable?

If you can think of a better way to eat this apple, please let me know.
I can’t. I’ve never been good with thinking outside the box when it comes to eating apples. Perhaps I could peel it the way Meg Ryan does in Sleepless in Seattle? I have no idea…

It started to rain to beat the devil!
Um, sorry to burst your bubble, but the devil is not the Wicked Witch of the West. Upon seeing rain, he doesn’t melt into a smoky gooey green pool of witch while cackling, “I’m meeelting AaaaaHHHHHHHHH!” as crazy little vest-wearing flying monkeys stand by in wonder.

He sounded like death eating a cracker!
What? What the crap does this mean?

Does the dark angel of death sit around choking down stale saltines?

Did someone have a near death experience choking on a cracker and everyone sitting at the table around the poor guy totally laughed at him after he regained consciousness and was like, “Dude! When you were choking, you sounded like DEATH eating a cracker!” <- insert Beavis laugh.

I don’t get it. Very random.

I’m like a dog chasing after my own tail!
Please, I beg you, show me what you mean. In fact, I would pay to watch you chase your own tail. In fact, I’m laughing at you right now!

Now it’s your turn- give me some funny sayings.

posted in Funny Ha-Has , Jack Torrence Moments , This Isn't CTU bullet

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12.10.2007

HA! Those were great!

How about:

there is more than one way to skin a cat.

damned if you dont and damned if you do.

i’m between a rock and a hard place.

you made your bed, now lay in it.

you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
(yes, oh yes I can. If I have my cake I WILL EAT IT! I may not have it on the plate anymore, but I much prefer it in my stomach!)

the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush. (is that how it goes?)

i’ll quit now!!

Posted by Mrs. M on 12/10 at 08:17 AM

Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!

Darn tootin’.

WHERE do these things come from??

Posted by Sarah R on 12/10 at 10:01 AM

Heh. We asked a guy in Austin for directions once and he told us to “drive a-ways down the road, and then take that there squirrely turn”. My husband, who is usually my country-to-English translator, was speechless. Of course we got lost. Because what the heck is a squirrely turn?

Greg also says things like, “I been done had this pen forever.” I’m not even sure what that means. If my english degree was on the wall in our apartment (instead of on the wall at my parents’, it would burst into flames the next time he says that.

Posted by Ann M. on 12/10 at 11:12 AM

Haha, so funny! I had never heard of most of those!

Posted by Platinum Rose on 12/10 at 11:26 AM

Too funny!

I work with a lot of older COUNTRY people, and I thought I had heard it all. But the other day someone said to me, “It looks like he’s gonna have to re lick his calf.” I was speechless! I had never heard that before, AND GROSS!!

Posted by Brandie on 12/10 at 12:34 PM

I can’t even think of the things said round here that are strange. . .

Maybe all the Canadians and the “eh?” or “aboot” (instead of about). . .but in the ways of quirky sayings. . .I can’t think of anythat haven’t already been mentioned.

Posted by Beth G on 12/10 at 02:26 PM

I work with a man that is full of things like this. One day we were talking about chicken and he said the best part was the “pulley bone”. We had no idea what he was talking about, and after much desciption, we figured out it was the wish bone.

Other things he says are:

instead of whoever it is ever who as in ever who gave me those directions.

happier than a pup with two peters

colder than a witches tit

there are others that he has and I will have to writethem down and post them later.

Posted by on 12/10 at 07:08 PM

LOL! That is so freakin funny!
My own mother used to say to me when I would roll my eyes and say smartass comments to her, “Say that again and I’m going to fry your jaws!” Can you tell where I am from?LOL...deep south Georgia. My husband always reminds me of that when we are around my family...he was raised in New york.

Posted by on 12/10 at 07:31 PM

OK the death eating the cracker one just killed me. I almost peed my pants laughing!!! Thanks for sharing!! Those were great!!!

Posted by on 12/10 at 07:36 PM

Oh! I have some:

“Well, that argument really gives him a second bite at the apple” - people really like using “apple” in these don’t they?

“Hope springs eternal your honor!”
(I work at a court house)

Posted by Monica on 12/10 at 08:24 PM

Oh my! Some of those sayings are just TOO funny! I have never heard any of those before