For many years now I have relied upon this old wives tale advice for how to absolutely avoid crying at the most inopportune times.

In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve shared this fun fact with you on more than one occasion.

When you think you’re going to cry during a time in which you really, really shouldn’t (ie:work, in front of in-laws, work) all you have to do is squeeze your butt together really, really hard and you’ll be totally fine and won’t cry.

I relied on this advice for many years- after all, it was Amber V.’s mom who said it- and she was a nurse.

Which apparently means she knows everything regarding one’s derriere and the correlation of not crying.

Right?

Well, my friend, I’m here to tell you that Amber V’s mom is wrong.

I’ve really tried to psych myself into believing this was good advice- after all, there had been times in which it did work- however I think it was way more of a mental thing and way less of a squeezing thing.

I’m here to tell you guys that I’m no longer convinced this is a sure fire way to avoid looking like a freaking idiot in front of others.

...

Although-

now that I think of it- “The Squeeze” pretty much makes you look like a freaking idiot too.

I feel as though I need to inform you guys that perhaps my initial analysis is incorrect and I might have made my first mistake ever (ha ha).

I would recommend the nail digging tactic (in which you dig your nails into your skin as hard as you possibly can almost to the point of blood so that instead of wanting to cry all you can think about is whether you’re hemmoraging all over yourself)- however after this week I must confirm this is not always a reliable tactic either.

So, I fear I’m back to square one. I rarely have to call upon these useful tricks, but now that they have been tested throughout the course of my lifetime (and most recently this week) I must say that I believe we’re back to square one.

I guess if all else fails you could try a combination of both?

Now THAT would be funny to watch.

I suppose now I will simply resort to the old Picture Them Naked Trick.

Um- actually… I’m thinking about that and- no.

There’s no way I could do that without throwing up.

How about the Picturing Them in a Chicken Suit Trick?

Do you think that’s more solid?

Definitely. Anytime you’re talking about someone in a chicken suit-that’s solid conversation.

Okay so I give up. I just thought I’d pass on some useful (ha ha. Useful. I’m hilarious.) information if you’re ever caught in an uncomfortable bind.

Plus I needed to lighten my mood a bit. I’ve been way.too.serious. this week.

And who likes serious?

(Aside from our parents of course. And maybe the person doing my taxes...)

No one!

Should you have a PSA of your own, feel free to leave it in the Share The Love section.

That is all.

You may now go back to your regularly scheduled Thursday night.