Embarrassing Moment Number 16,374:

I was a the gym this morning, just like every Saturday morning. Nothing new or out of the ordinary- except for the fact that it was especially busy with what I like to call the “New Years Newbies-” people that join to lose those last 25 pounds and drop out by March after losing only 4.

I’m such an encourager, aren’t I?

Anyway- the gym was full of New Years Newbies as well as a ton of guys that that think they can monopolize the weights because they’re so strong and cut and lean and stupid. I never see any other girls at the gym that lift weights, which is really sad! Anyway, since it’s pretty much me by myself I’m always surrounded by these grunting yucky men that think they’re so hot.

Those guys really annoy me- but maybe I should post that another day and just stick to this story, right?

But wait- those guys actually are pertinent to my story because I totally blame them for the events to follow- so it’s totally legit for me to proceed to tell you how irritating these grunting sweaty guys are.

“Oh- let me help you with that 10 pounder.”

Um yeah- you’re cute and SO charming (HA) but I could probably lift as much as you.

Um- in relation to ones weight, of course.

These guys irritate me. Did I mention that?

Anyway back to the story.

The gym was full of New Years Newbies and grunty men weight lifters- which you already know because I’ve said that a million times.

I figured I ought to “step it up a notch” to show these Newbies that I was a Gym Veteran and not one of them-

because that matters, apparently.

I also wanted to shut the stupid Monopoly Men up too. They really bother me.

What an idiot- by the way.

So I decide, “I know! I’ll do squats with heavy weights on a Bosu Ball!”

It’s not like squats on a Bosu Ball are an exceptionally special exercise or anything, but they are sort of hard if you don’t do them much, especially with weights - and as a stupid idiotic “Gym Vet” that has to fight for weight time amongst the sweaty grunty men, I thought I ought to give them a try with weights and all.

I get on the stupid Bosu Ball and do one squat and am doing okay. I’ve done it before-

while my right hand was clinging to a wall for dear life-

but never with weights-

and always clinging to something to stabilize me.

I go down to do a second one and I know something is about to go wrong.

My legs were shaking,

my whole body looked like jello-

my whole squat literally went into slow-mo

as I went down for the squat I literally fell straight on my back like a freaking idiot.

Like a New Years Newbie.

And if that wasn’t bad enough- you know being all prideful and stupid and trying to look all cool- I let out this huge, “Oh wow! I just fell on my butt,” totally stating the obvious and totally trying to play it off, but trust me- there was no playing it off.

The gym was packed and every one saw me fall backwards,right on my butt, crashing to the floor.

Sigh.

You know the funniest part of all?

I toweled off a bit and did two more sets like I didn’t even care. Trust me, though, I did.

ha ha, what a dork.

So yeah- don’t be a gym snob. That’s what I learned today.

I <3 New Years Newbies.