I’ve learned some very important lessons during my five years of marriage.
1. Boys may never learn how to put down the toilet seat. Ever.
2. The Superbowl is in fact a national holiday which should be properly celebrated.
3. Everything tastes better with a little hot sauce.
4. Apparently, despite what I learned my entire life, dirty clothes are meant to be carelessly tossed on the floor RIGHT NEXT TO THE FREAKING LAUNDRY BASKET.
5. Never under any circumstance forget your mother-in-law’s birthday. You can master everything in this world, but if you fail to learn this lesson you are doomed to suffer an eternity of awkward holiday gatherings,re-gifted argyle socks, and uncomfortable moments FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. SO JUST DON’T EVER DO IT.
EVER
okay?
I mean- what sort of COMPLETE IDIOT forgets their mother-in-law’s birthday?
This day ranks up there with Christmas- and is way more important to remember than your own. Who forgets this day? No one! You’d have to be completely comatose and drooling in a corner to have a valid excuse to do such a thing- and even then I’m pretty sure one could manage to make some sort of sticky drooly homemade birthday card. Right?
Right.
Do you want to know who would break such a cardinal rule (besides the aforementioned comatose drooling specimens)?
ME!
That’s right- you heard me.
Yes- I already know. I don’t need your gasping-for-air shocked tone.
I feel like such a douche loser selfish idiot bad daughter-in-law.
All I can keep repeating is- what kind of freaking idiot forget their mother-in-law’s birthday!? I just can’t get over my own shock for doing such a completey stupid thing!
So here’s the deal-
Will and I have an agreement- I always take care of my family and Will takes care of his. That goes for birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, etc. He doesn’t bother with my side and I don’t bother with his
HOWEVER
I always keep myself apprised of his side because, well, although we have an agreement- let’s face it- we both know who’s ultimately in charge of keeping our crap together.
Ha- well in theory that’s how it works. We obviously know what a bang up job I did of keeping that crap together.
Anyway- so it’s not only that I missed her birthday by like a day or two…
try 10.
10 freaking days.
10 days!
Do you know how long 10 days is? It’s a freaking long time!
This is now the time where I would provide you with the breakdown in hours and minutes. However, I will spare you. After all- only one crazy person can be reading, and since we now know it’s me and not you it means that I can’t get all weird on you guys by giving you the tens of seconds that have elapsed since my MIL’s bday.
Can I please hang my head in shame?
I feel so much responsibility for this one! I’m sick at the thought of having to see her (which will be next weekend. All.Next.Weekend.). I feel terrible guys, just awful! My heart just feels so lousy and guilty and there’s really no way to make it up. I know I say that Will and I have an agreement to take care of our own side of our families, but the truth is that I feel so responsible for being a complete idiot and missing the day. I have a really great mother-in-law and I feel so awful for taking her special day forgranted.
Enough lamenting. I feel awful and I’m sure you can imagine the dread I feel when I think of having to see her.
I’ll be all casual, throw my arm around her shoulders and let out a big, cheery, hearty, “Hey MIL! Happy belated birthday! It must suck to have a daughter-in-law like me, right?! Right!?”
Yeah- I’m so sure it will go like that.
I’m officially going to recommend that she opens a Facebook Account to ensure that there will be no future mix-ups.
Okay- lying. But how funny would that be?
Oh no!
PERHAPS you were just CLEVERLY PLANNING to wait and surprise her with a belated present SINCE YOU WERE GOING TO SEE HER SOON!?
SOOO cleverly that even you were unaware??