Before I begin, please just let me let out a HUGE scream of about 10 different emotions, including Joy, Frustration, Relief:

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. I honestly feel a lot better having done that. Now I can attempt to paste my collage of events as best I can.

So many things have happened the last few days (I’m not lying when I say many) and, as usual, I am terrible at putting sequence of events together. I wish you all knew how many dozens of times I thought to myself, “I can’t wait to tell the girls about this.” Oh, I have lots of stories to tell but I’m afraid for time’s sake I can only tell one or two.

We had adventrues in Tulsa the last few days. “Adventures” is a word that can take on many, many meanings, and you’ll get to rejoin me on some of them.

I tend to be a “nicey” (I’m a dork, but that’s what I call it) most of the time but on Wednesday my heart was in foul condition! I was anything but “Jesusly” that morning and boy did I look like a huge fat idiot.

Have you ever said the dumbest thing in the world for everyone around to hear? Yeah. Welcome to my world. I am the queen of stupid comments. My problem is that whenever I say something dumb, a crowd always seems to be around.

Wednesday morning we got up early and got ready to go see will’s grandparents in Tulsa. “Raymond (Brian’s friend or yet to be named girlfriend)” was driving up behind us because she lives there. Will and I were in the garage, by the door leading from the garage to the house, when I said something totally stupid and shallow. Yes, I’m going to get daggers for this stupid comment!

I said, “Will, do you think I look prettier than HER (a big ugly emphasis on the word her) today?”

Now, why would I say something that stupid to Will, you might ask. good question. I have no idea. Pretty dumb and unnecessary- I know- you don’t have to tell me again. Anyway, I said that and as the words left my mouth she was standing at the door and then simply just shut it.

I looked at Will horrified, “Do you think everyone (because everyone-that’s right, the whole freaking family- was standing by the open door) heard!?” He looked at me in shock and first told me he thought it was dumb that I said that and second that yes, everyone did hear.

Hi.

My name is Brittny.

And yes, I am apparently extremely shallow and terrible.

That’s me.

What was I thinking!? What in the world would possess me to say something so randomly pointless and vain!? As soon as the words left my mouth I felt big conviction- after the feeling of having to puke all over Will’s shoes because of embarrassment and worry, of course. I think God thought I was a big idiot at that point. I even think I heard him say, “Britt- you are a really big idiot.” Okay, only joking. I’m sure God is like the only person at that point in time that DIDN’T tink I was a shallow idiot, but I don’t think he was chuckling with old Peter about my stupid comment.

The whole ride up was hell. I prayed the entire time. My heart was in terrible condition and I really had to say “Sorry” for my behavior. I worried and worried and couldn’t say anything because Will’s parents were in the car with us. My stomach churned the whole way up. gosh, why do I say stupid things?

So I decided to overcompensate by being extra super nice- loike a REALLY big nicey- when we stopped in OKC for lunch. I mean, I was like REALLy nice.

Rule #1- If you blast a tacky comment in front of your whole In-Law family you are a huge idiot. You only make it like 10 times worse if you are extra nice.

I know this from expreience.

Anyway, so lunch was fine. Awkward for me, but fine.
I really think “Raymond” likes me. I so know she does.

ha

Yeah, so that was awkward moment number one. Enough about that. Gosh, I’ve rambled on with that one for a really long time and I really need to get off soon! I guess I’ll only share one more.

Oh crap is this a funny one.

The only downside is that Will made me promise not to post about 85% of it (yeah, it’s THAT darn good) because he didn’t want to embarrass people. Sigh. He took most the fun out of this one, but I’ll go ahead and share anyway.

We went up to see Will’s grandparents in Tulsa Wednesday night. The initial plan (only talked about like 1 time) was that we would get a hotel because his grandpa’s house it sort of small for everyone- plus there is only one bathroom.

Rule #2: Always nail down plans before you get into your host’s home. If theings aren’t set in stone before then, you look really dumb saying, “But sweetie, I would really like to have a bathroom.” (<- I think that is what my MIL wanted to say to my FIL)

We shuffled our feet around 9:00 about what to do. “It’;s up ot you. We can stay here and that will be fine.” Will and Brian said that to their parents about a million times, and my inlaws said that to me and Will about the same. I think My MIL really wanted to get a hotel, but because she didn’t say, “Dang it! I want a hotel room!” before we got inside Will’s grandpa’s house, the message and women nonverbal “hints” (<- you all know these hints, I don’t have to go into them) were not conveyed.

we stayed at the house.

that was fine with me- but sort of awkward. Will’s cousin is currently staying in one of the rooms, so that only left one free room for the whole family.

Brian took a cot in the living room,

My FIL took the couch,

and Will took the easy chair.

Do you know what that means?

Yes.

I got to sleep with my MIL.

Surprisingly enough, this wasn’t the first time to shack up with my MIL. I actualy got to have that fun a couple of years ago, before Will and I were even married! Yeah, that was awkward.

There are some hiliarious things that should now be insterted in this post, but because of my promise I must move on.

Its a king size bed and we sure utilized the space. Jenny was California, I was Maine. You have no idea. There was like an ocean between us.

I wanted to move,but I didn’t dare. I seriously thought. “Okay, Brittny. Try your most statuesque pose. Pretend you are in an art class and someone is trying to draw you.” I promise, I really thought that. I don’t know why I didn’t want to move, but I just didn’t. I was like frozen, numb. I didn’t even want to make a sound to swallow. I held my spit in my mouth as long as I could before I finally just realized how crazy I was and swallowed.

I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling with my eyes wide open playing a mental game of Outlast. There was no freaking way I was going to fall asleep before her. I wasn’t going to start talking in my sleep or having yet another sex dream with her still awake.

Oh no, I don’t think so. That lady was going to go to sleep first, I was going to see to that.

I got into position and was ready to go as long as it took to ensure I was the last asleep. Apparently, she too was playing Outlast. We lay there for minutes without a deep breath or little snore, absolutely no sign of sleep from either of us. All of a sudden my stupid left butt cheek started to itch like crazy. It was if little Butt Fairies came to get me off my post. To get me to move, to budge, to lose this war.

“Okay Brittny, you can do this. Mind over matter. Just don’t focus on your itch.”

Ha. Easier said than done.

There was no way I was oing to make a move, no matter how many stupid Butt Fairies were there to taunt me. I waivered back and forth over what the big deal with moving was but decided at this point, after my big stupid comment day, I was terrified of my MIL and wouldn’t move. I wasn’t moving one inch.

One Point for Brittny, Zero for the Butt Fairies.

Then, I had quite possible the funneist thing ever (yes, maybe the funniest thing EVER) to occur. Gosh I wish I could tell you. It ties in with the first stuff I had to promse not to post about. I’ll put it this way- all of a sudden a song popped in my head that sort of served as a theme to what I had previsouly seen just an hour before. Tears streamed down by face. I literally clenched my lip so that I wouldn’t bust out in controllable, wake the neighborhood, laughter. It was quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do (that and one time I had to hold my laughter at my cousin’s wedding because someone sang a song about Only having 26 letters to show his love and I had no idea what that meant. I kept counting phrases on my fingers like, “I love you” and “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” to see if it equaled 26 letters. I asked my sister what it meant and I thoutght she was going have a coronary from fighting laughter. Apparently it was the alphabet. Go figure. Now thatlaughter, ladies, was hard to hold in. This was just as bad.).

Oh did I want to laugh. I had to try to stop the laughter so (and I really said this to myself. This is so stupid) I thought, “Okay britt. Imagine you are anne frank and heard a noise and you have to be super quiet!” The fact that I actually thought that made me want to laugh even harder.

It was quite a night.

I could go on but this post is really really long!
The crazy thing ist hat I have so much more to say!!

If you have learned anything from this post remember not to be an idiot in front of your inlaws.

I missed you guys so much! Have a wonderful Christmas! I can’t wait to read all about it!

<3
Merry CHRISTmas.