"I’m 26 years old and I still loathe buying tampons. You’d think that was something I would have grown out of- but, no.

I wonder why, too? I mean- I realize it’s no big deal. I must admit, though, I really love when you go for me.”

“Yeah- but I don’t.”

“I know- but like I said, I hate it. When you go people know you’re just being a wonderful husband. They know they’re not for you. When I go, however, it is very, very clear that those super duper sized tampons are for me. Ha- or it could also be the gallon of ice cream I buy with them. That probably gives it away too. I mean- it’s this whole thing! Do you get a cart for the tampons, or do you tromp around the whole Wal-mart holding them discretely by your side while you casually walk to the entire other side of the store for the ice cream? Do you-”

(cutting me off)

“Brittny- lately it seems like anytime you talk about things or tell me stories it’s like you’re blogging.”

“Nooo. You’re crazy. I just like to drone on about things.”

And then I hopped out of the truck and began my tampon/cookie dough mission (thinking all the while about telling you guys about standing in front of the cookie dough section holding a jumbo sized box of tampons).

Um- between you and me? After assessing the most recent stories I’ve told Will this week? Yeah, he’s right. I totally talk in blog.

Today I had leftover chicken pot pie for lunch. It wasn’t too terribly awful for me so afterwards I decided to make lunch terribly awful by dipping vanilla wafers in a tub of peanut butter (I KNOW! So awful).

Oh, and before we move on to the rest of the story and I please, PLEASE tell you how much I hate calling those things mentioned above by their real name… “Nila” wafers? It makes me cringe. It’s like nails on a chalkboard and most definitely on the list of words I hate. It is for this reason I call them vanilla wafers- even if I’m wrong.

Anyway, I had about 6 vanilla wafers with peanut butter- straight out of the tub- and thoroughly enjoyed every awful second of it (until they were gone and I felt fat). It was at that point that I began to complain about my crappy eating choices.

I got in the car and headed back to work. It was on my way back I discovered I had several smears of peanut butter all over my right knuckles.

Like a kid.

Or a psychotic out of control binge eater.

Who gets peanut butter caked on their knuckles!? Who aside from the aforementioned categories!?!

It’s like having dorito crumbs tucked away in your neck fat, or dropping jelly on your shirt and licking it off. It’s awful. And desperate.

So-

as if that weren’t bad enough, instead of doing the normal, adult, 26-year-old-thing and taking a napkin and wiping the smeariness off, I stayed true to fat camp kid protocol-

licked it off,

and kept on driving.

I mentioned yesterday that Will surprised me with Dunkin Donuts on my birthday.

Did you know their slogan is “America Runs on Dunkin?”

Does anyone else see the hilarity in this slogan?

I’m pretty sure America does not Run on Dunkin. They waddle. 

The famous Gym Nazi bruise is posted to the right.

Disgusting.

I don’t know what’s more disgusting- the bruise itself or the fact that I actually decided to share it with you guys.

Probably both.

I almost embedded it within this post, but I have to draw the line somewhere, right?

Happy Easter <3

Hello lovelies,

Saturday night in the big town, right?

Most of you are probably out and about having some wild Saturday evening, while I’m sitting in sweats on my couch having (another) night in.

Okay- so the truth is that probably more of you than I think are having the same sort of night in, right?

I say that to make myself feel better.

I hope I’m right.

Who cares if I’m not? We’re going with this notion.

I have refreshed my facebook homepage countless times.

Nothing.

I’ve held the flashlight for Will as he investigated a weird sound in the truck.

Woo.

Actually- it was a little fun (but please, whatever you do, don’t tell Will or I’ll be deemed his “tool holder” forever)- but after while I began to feel like a little restless kid helping their dad.

“A little more to the left.

A little more…

Britter! Stop shaking your arm!”

“I’m sorry! I’m sort of bored...”

That’s sort of how it went.

Plus we he still hasn’t figured it out.

And now Will is all crabby and worried.

Which makes for a thrilling Saturday night.

I was all geared up to watch 48-Hours Mystery tonight but the stupid NCAA games have gotten in the way.

Now that OU is out I really don’t care. My bracket has been hosed since Louisville got out so I don’t really care anymore.

I tried to look up the fat content of the burger I had tonight, but surprise, surprise there’s no nutritional facts posted.

I have no idea why not. I mean I’m sure their sausage cheeseburger isn’t that bad.

Puke.

Don’t worry, I didn’t get that- but Will did. It looked like a bleeding, throbbing, greasy heart attack.

Although- mine wasn’t much better either.

Hey! I guess we did get “out” tonight after all, right? I guess if you consider a hole-in-the-wall diner getting “out.”

So as you can see, my Saturday night has been less than exciting.

Even after my awful Cholesterol Burger of Death I’m still contemplating eating chocolate chips right of the bag.

Some would call that Boredom Eating.

I say they’re full of crap.

It’s been close to a week since I’ve mindlessly wandered the internet- and I guess it seemed like a thrilling thing to do on a Saturday night but the truth is- not really.

It’s pretty bad when you look at the clock and hope it’s “late” enough to go to bed.

It’s 10:00.

I have deemed that late enough.

I know what you’re thinking- you’re feeling sad for me, right?

Don’t worry- I’ll have my midnight chocolate chip snack a couple hours early and go straight to bed without brushing my teeth.

Such a thrill seeker.

Actually?

I have a dentist appointment (on my birthday no less! :( ) coming up.

I better not.

But maybe just maybe I’ll do something crazy tomorrow.

<3

More to Come

1. I’m pretty sure I’ve only seen about four full episodes of Dancing With the Stars since it was created. Yes- I know it’s ranked #1 with a million gold stars, medals, A+ smiley faces or whatever else there is to convey it’s amazing-ness.

I don’t care.

I feel pudgy between the hours of 10 am and 10 pm, and therefore have no desire to see super duper cute girls barely covering their loins shaking all around a dance floor.

Yeah- that sounds like so much fun!

Puke.

2. I saw my very first and only Sex In The City episode during my Texas Girl’s weekend.

Between just the two of us? I actually liked it.

I never watched it because I assumed it was trashy and not something I could get into. I’m sure it’s probably trashy, but I must admit I did enjoy the episode I saw- and it wasn’t bad at all. I guess that’s because it’s in syndication now and can’t be as racy?

Don’t tell Will I liked it, okay?

3. I haven’t watched American Idol since 2005.

And even before 2005 I never watched a season.

I know- I’m not Patriotic. I don’t believe in apple pie and white picket fences and freedom and dreams.

The truth is that the judges annoy the CRAP out of me. And then

then

as if three wasn’t enough-

they added a fourth!

A FOURTH!

Do you know how much freaking time they waste yapping in between songs!?

It irritates me to.no.end and for that reason I can’t watch American Idol. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STUPID CRITIQUE.

My blood pressure rises.

I know- I’m weird.

4. I’m over the Octo-Mom crap. I was over it about an hour after I heard it. I’m tired of hearing about it. We get it. We understand the story. We’re not morons that need to hear it over and over again. The odds of you riding this story out until someone has nine kids isn’t looking too good- so just give it up already. PLEASE.

5. I have absolutely no idea what song is #1 on the pop charts this week (um- or any other week), and I don’t care.

Ha- I find it slightly humorous that my last post was all about getting old. This post just confirms I’m nothing but an old lady. Embrace the old, Brittny. Embrace the old.

More to Come <3

I used to be so good at sitting in front of the computer and just typing about nothing.

About anything.

Just sitting and typing and wherever my mind wandered I followed and somehow it turned out to be a halfway decent post.

However, it seems as though lately I haven’t been able to sit and mindlessly wander. It feels as though like now I need to have a “purpose” for my post- a direction.

The truth is- I’m full of crap. There’s no blog law about purpose and no wandering. I think the truth is that I’m getting older.

I’m growing up.

I don’t know about you guys, but it seems as though each year I age, more creativity and imagination gets sucked out of me and more boring black and white corporate blah adult “stuff” gets shoved in me. I guess part of that is normal and goes with being older, but at the same time, it’s as though it gets easy to lose a part of yourself as you get so tangled up in work and mortgages and “adult responsibilities” (I have no idea why I put that in quotations) that you forget just to lighten up and freaking do what you want to do. Post. About about whatever makes me happy. Who cares if no one else cares?

I have no idea why I’m rambling on about these things.

Maybe because I’m about to turn another year older in a couple of weeks and it’s actually got me a little bummed?

It could be that.

I could be “projecting” (I have no idea why I put that in quotations either).

It’s probably that.

Actually, I have no idea.

Perhaps I’m using my birthday as a way to address my “lack of blogging direction” (again- I have no idea why that’s in quotations)?

Or it also could be that hey- I’m not getting any younger here. These wrinkles? Only going to get worse. And so therefore instead of focusing on the fact that I’m about to officially enter my mid-to-late 20s I am diverting attention to the fact that I can’t “mindlessly wander when I post anymore” (yeah- no idea what’s up with these pesky quotations… or the fact that I’m putting the period on the outside of them. What an annoyance. I wanted to spell nusciance, but yeah- as you can see, I have no idea how to spell it, so I thought it best not to put it in my post...)”

In all honesty, it’s probably a combination of both. I’m getting older. I look back at my first posts in 2005 and they seem to be written differently than the ones of 2009. I guess it’s because wow- I was a baby back then!- but now here I am, almost four years later and a little more mature and experienced than the 2005 Brittny. Also, 2005 Brittny never lived much of her life in the real world, and 2009 Brittny certainly has. I’m sure work and bills and adult-hood has changed me and my ability to sit down and just talk about whatever I want.

Oh- and who can forget that now I actually tend to care about who’s reading these days.

I think that’s a factor as well.

Whatever it is (and really- who cares?) I’ve come to realize I’m evolving. I’m changing everyday and so are my thoughts, interests, and things I share.

So who cares that I can’t just sit here and ramble about “silly things?” (ha ha, now I just want to annoy you with quotes. Yeah- I know. SO mature, right?)

I’m growing up. We’re all growing up. We’re changing and evolving and hopefully getting better.

I’m sure I’ll sit down and mindlessly write some day soon, and it will come easy and I’ll laugh because I was just certain it was due to my little quarter-life crisis.

Until then? I’m not worried.

More to come…

I fly out of Oklahoma tomorrow morning before the sun comes up.

Why is it that even when you’re flying before the majority of normal people are even waking you have to be at the airport at least an hour early to check in?

I think that’s ridiculous.

So much so that I want to arrive a little later tomorrow- but Will won’t let me.

Because he’s boring and isn’t a risk taker like I am (ha ha).

I’ve never flown for “business” before.

Granted the entire human public probably has at least one, but for some reason I’ve been thinking about it like its something really fun and grown up.

You know- because waking up before God, applying your make-up in the car, and sitting next to all sorts of weirdos “on business” is LOADS of fun.

Ha.

Every time Will and I would fly in the mornings I would cringe at all the “business people” travelling around us. Obnoxiously talking extra loudly on the phone- informing the entire world of their latest win or new business prospect. Their gigantic laptop bags the size of a large marsupial. The way that none of them ever.use.mints…

Cringe.

Retired blogger Sarah is a frequent business traveler (and never violates any of the abovementioned annoyances, I’m sure) and I’ll never forget her trick for how to cope with a smelly nearby passenger- she puts nice smelling lotion under her nose and it fights the funk for the flight’s duration. It makes me laugh every time when I think about it (I’m not sure why), but it’s a very good and practical idea. One I would highly recommend. As someone who has used it many times myself I will say it works amazingly- unless you’re on a transatlantic journey. Then? Not so much. You’re pretty much on your own on that flight. Every stinky man for themselves.

Was flying ever fun to you? When I was little it was a big deal and so.much.fun. Now it’s the biggest frustration that keeps me from where I am and where I want to be.

It is right about here -> in which I would be extremely positive and try to think of fun and exciting ways to make flying bearable. But yeah- why tease ourselves? It’s just a day trip, so the nice thing is that I’ll be able to sleep in my own bed.

Instead of lamenting over getting up at 1:58- I’ll watch The Mentalist, try to enjoy my two hours of sleep, and anticipate my 8:00 Venti Skim Latte. On business.

Venti Skim Lattes.

Heart.

Tomorrow will be great, I know it.

And hey- if nothing else it will provide a plethora of blogable material.

-We’re now the proud owners of a “new” 2001 Ford pick-up truck. It only has 48,000 miles on it, so it doesn’t seem as old when you think of it that way. Plus Will is in Heaven now that he finally has a truck to drive again.

-My boss sent me and my coworker flowers Friday. You can see pictures of how beautiful they are on my Flickr. It totally brightened my day.

-We’re really enjoying hearing Dave Ramsey’s sermons (see below). I think we might take the plunge and do the 13 week study too.

-P is moving back home (home as in Kuwait) this semester. I will tell you more soon. Actually hopefully she will tell you more soon. I’m trying to get her to guest blog sometime next week.

-Our Sooners have done well thus far during March madness. There’s still a lot to play, but hopefully make it another round or two! Oh and hey- I’m not sucking all that much in our bracket competition either!

-I’m headed down to Texas on a day trip this week. I’m sort of excited about it but at the same time sort of dreading it because of how late I’ll get home plus all the work I’ll have to catch up on

-We’re going to another Thunder game this week, so that should be fun. You can’t beat $10 cheap seats, right!?

-Have I mentioned I love, love, love daylight saving’s time? Please dear God don’t let them take this away from us. This will be the first time in three years to experience a full daylight savings time and I’m so excited about it.

-I have this awful and intense desire to make a cake, and I have no.idea.why. Please don’t let me make one (but I probably will :( ).

-There’s just not much else going on right now- and I’m actually okay with that.

Have a lovely day! You know- because Mondays are always lovely. 

The following is an “everyday,” typical email exchange with my sister. My emails are in bold, hers are regular.I realize the fat talk gets old after a while, but I promise we switch topics from Panamanian prisons, to calculating tips, to even our own reality show during this conversation- so hang with me.These took place on two different days, but they flowed so well I lumped them together. Let the madness begin...

I just ate a whole pint of chocolate ice cream.

And it wasn’t even GOOD ice cream.

I think that that calls for me to use the elliptical tomorrow for the first time since last summer. I feel like I should celebrate this red-faced, sweaty momentous occasion with a donut or something.

**

Ha ha. I just had a large Java Chiller from Sonic- which is basically a whole pint of chocolate ice cream with a hint of coffee. I didn’t go to the gym at all this weekend and I had olive garden WITH dessert yesterday.

Fat.

**

Ughhh I KNOW. And- ugh i just don’t want to go back to school. I say we quit talking crap and book the tickets.

PS- I hope your Olive Garden dessert was good.

**

It was. Black tie. Yum. Plus I had fettuccine (um how in the world do people expect you to know how to spell that!?) which- well- you know how amazing that is.

We’ll sort all the logistics out when we get there. Although “fat,” I’m sure some Panamanian would love to give us a job at Panama Jacks waitressing. The only trouble is that I would suck at getting proper change and would most likely get us fired in a hurry.

**

Ha, that’s SO TRUE. Somehow the tip would be like “10% of 100” or something. Then we would get charged with embezzlement for taking an extra 80 dollars. Then wind up in Panamanian prison. Which wouldn’t be all bad, considering we could be the Scolfield’s. I definitely get Lincoln.

I’m sorry I can’t type properly, my fingers are so huge, swollen, and fat from the dairy I just consumed.

A flower shop would be nice! We could go the simple route an own a cafe, and employ Panamaniann business students (who know how to calculate tips so we wouldn’t be
getting screwed).

Are you at work?

**

We are so resourceful- your plan is brilliant! Actually- I used to think we sucked at being resourceful but then we went on the cruise and functioned totally fine in like 19 cities. I know for sure we’ll kick butt on amazing race one day.

I’m having 2 PB sandwiches for lunch. Why do I feel nostalgic all of a sudden? Like I need a blue mat to nap on and a carton of milk??

**

My favorite food ever. I decided a while back that if I was living on a deserted island alone for the rest of my life, peanut butter and/or reeses would DEFINITELY be my food of choice. Seeing as I wouldn’t have to worry about all the saturated fat I was consuming since I would never see anyone ever again, it works. What about you?

**

That is hilarious- and a very valid point. I think I would go with that too, or perhaps pasta. I could eat loads and loads and if I was able to take different sauces too (which is something I assume you have to negotiate in when preparing to go to a deserted island forever...) I’d be set for life.

And happy.

When do you leave for Kuwait?

**

I leave on your anniversary. Thank the Lord. Its been 3 weeks since I was there last and I feel like it’s been too long. How could anyone possibly think I like it here? AHHHH I need to start this Panamanian flower shop business ASAP.

**

We ought to make a countdown to the semester’s end and you move back. Seriously. What’s you’re last day of school? How fun would that be!? I could make the first half and you could make the 2nd half. We wouldn’t have to make it a chain or anything, but just something you could pull off and throw away.

The chain reminds me of the one in Mareena Towers. As crazy as it sounds, when I look back that summer was pretty fun

(Just FYI- if you’re curious you can read about this time during the summer of 2005 archives)

**
Oh my gosh me too. It was the weirdest time of my life, such a crazy transition period. I have a playlist for that summer titled “MIA” for 2 reasons: 1) we never left that apartment 2) M.I.A’s “bucky done gun” was a very integral part of that summer hahaha. But yeah, it’s so so bittersweet to think about that. It’s the last time we’ll have ever lived together under one roof.

**

I think we should SERIOUSLY send these back and forth emails to someone, plus our goofy videos and make them make us famous. We should have a reality show about creating our Panamanian flower shop. ha ha. How great would that be? Plus highly entertaining. Seriously- I’m in need of that. People are so fickle. Family is forever..

**

OMG YES, a reality show about the making of our new life. Do you know how well that would work? We could start this season while we’re still apart, so it would mainly focus on the emails. And then we could start season 2 when we’re in the same country and ahhhhhhh tiny orgasm, I think viewers would LOVE US. You live in America, the land of endless possibilities- make it happen!

**

sidenote- her email above makes me laugh every singly time. Tiny orgasm HAHAHAHA...

Seriously- I’m literally laughing out loud right now. It’s a little embarrassing and I’m glad everyone is gone to lunch.

**

Sorry to disregard your last email, but I blame you for the fact that I just consumed 7 servings of peanut butter with honey since you reminded me of peanut butter, which then reminded me that I still had some in my cupboard, and BOOO, NO ALLI.

Haha anyways, seriously? Will you PLEASE look into a director? Because even if we get one season and they hate us, we’ll still get a book deal (uh, you can write it) and then a few endorsements. OH! MAYBE WE CAN BE THE NEW FACE OF ALLI. I love it.

**

Very good and valid points. Okay so I assume you’re about to go to bed. Oh- and want to know something funny? I had no idea that we sprang (sprung HAHA springed? I have no idea...) forward this weekend. dad had to tell me. Too funny. Anyway- that means we’ll be an hour closer now so that’s really great!

Alright, I’m off to file some stuff. I’ll be in constant contact with you tomorrow. Have a good night and talk to you tomorrow!

**

Wait, ugh, I have no idea how many hours apart we’ve been this whole time. I usually just say 8, wherever I am in the world. “Oh you’re in Kenya, great, only 8 hours away!” “You’re in St.Petersburg, brilliant,. 12 your time, 8 my time” ……I never usually think there’s any other time in between. Please tell me we’ve always been 8 hours apart since I moved.

**

Just so you know- I’m lying when I tell you this- yes, we are 8 hours apart. I’m such a good sister, right?

<3