I accidentally swallowed gum this afternoon, and my stomach feels sick now. I haven’t done that in years. Is it true that the gum stays in your system for a zillion years after you swallow it? I heard that was a farce. I bet it is.

Soon after we got back from vacation we ordered from Casper & Gambinis, one of the places we often order. When I called, the lady instantly recognized me and said, “It’s been a long time Ms. Brittny! We missed you!” There’s nothing that makes you feel chunkier than having a person you’ve never met instantly recognize your voice, know exactly what you’re going to order, and also mention how much the business missed you while you were away. Sigh.

I started a new weight routine last week and because I have nothing else to talk about thought I would share it with you guys!

I was so sore all over the day afterwards. I must also mention I’ve been a HUGE gym loser (yes HUGE in all caps) and have only been lifting twice a weak… I mean week.

That’s a whole topic I could ramble ramble on about for quite some time, but I realize how excited you are to read about weight lifting and I don’t want to keep you waiting any longer! Just FYI I don’t have the program in front of me, so please excuse my terrible attempt to remember all this stuff.

Legs
Elevated Lunges w/ Dumbbells- these are so horrible! My whole leg was sore the day afterwards.
Leg Press Machine
Inward Thigh Raises (using a cable machine)
Outer Thigh Machine
Crap! There’s one more! I don’t remember the stupid name! Aside from the lunges, it’s the other leg exercise I love to hate. It’s that machine where you lay on your stomach and have a bar behind your calves and bring it up towards your butt… free cake to whoever tells me the right name! ha ha
I should do calf raises too- but between you and me- I don’t.

Chest
Inclined Bench Press
Inclined Bench Flies
Chest Pullover

Back
One Arm Pull Down (using a cable machine)
Bent Over Row- ha ha, okay- I have no idea if that’s the technical name, but that’s what my trainer calls it. It’s on a cable machine
Lower Back Extension Machine

Biceps
Bicep Curls w/ cable machine. For some reason these seem a little tougher than regular bicep curls with dumbbells, although, it could also be because they’re new.
Preacher Curls

Shoulders
Shoulder Press w/dumbbells
Deltoid machine

Triceps
Bench Dips w/ weights
Crap! Once again I forgot the technical name. I’m a weight lifting wimp! They’re triceps raises w/ a dumbbell. You hold the dumbbell behind your head and slowly raise it. More free cake to whoever knows the technical name! ha ha

Abs
Cable Crunches
Declined sit-ups w/ weights
And finally, what I call “The Chair.” The most hated exercise of all. Do you guys know this one? It’s that terrible raised “chair” back with no seat. I hate that thing.
I should do a few more different types of crunches but I never do.

So there you have it. Are you invigorated and thrilled by all this exciting weight chatter? I know I am! You know I’m skimming when this stuff gets posted.

PS- my sweet sister P is a genius. Like the new header title? She recommended I rip a lyric off of Brit’s new song. I loved it. I opted to get rid of the Jay-Z lyric that has been the title for quite some time and go with Britney. P- I love you! You’re such a smartie!

Remember The Talker? Well, between you and me I’ve been keeping my headphones on at all times in hopes that this person won’t talk to me.

Sometimes music isn’t even playing- but I keep the headphones on just to keep the appearance that I’m listening to music and

I

CAN’T

HEAR

YOU.

It hasn’t worked.

I can’t parallel park. I think I’ve maybe parallel parked three times since I’ve gotten my license. I’d rather park in the boonies and walk in a 5 below snow storm with gusting winds than parallel park right outside a store.

Boz peed on his random “floor spot” (you can read all about that a few posts down) this morning and I pretended not to see it so Will would clean it up. Yeah- I know. I’m sick and wrong. Shhh.

I had a venti skim latte today.

With 6 Sweet and Lows.

Last night we got a little Valentine’s Day care package from Will’s parents. A bag of Hershey’s Hugs was included. Will ate 3. I ate 3.

And then I took the bag in the kitchen and had 4 more. Don’t tell Will.

Alright, that’s enough secret sharing today. Anything you need to get off your chest?

I just learned that The Marble Slab is coming to Kuwait next month.

I’m pretty sure if they brought in a Walmart I’d be set for life.

Or just the rest of the time we plan on being here.

The link is funny. They’re not coming to Al Koot mall, it’s Al Kout.

But whatever.

That’s neither here nor there.

They’re coming.

Speaking of that, I’m a bit in a snippy mood this afternoon.

I tend to become really...hmm...what’s the word

Pissy

if I’m not able to go to the gym on a regular basis.

I was so excited because I today I was making a point to leave on time so I could go to the gym, but then a wrench got thrown in my plans.

We asked my parents out for dinner.

I either needed like a 5:00 dinner or an 8:00 dinner. Nothing in between would do. 5 would give me enough time to eat and then get to the gym before it closed. 8 would allow me enough time for a quick work out and time to get ready for dinner.

“How about 6!?”

The story of my life, right?

How is it that the most TIME OBSESSED PERSON E.V.E.R is ALWAYS being faced with time-related issues?

I swear…

Anyway, I can’t budge much because my sister is getting on a plane tonight to head to Amsterdam where she will do lots of heavy liquor shots and smoking near the red light district will be attending a Model U.N. meeting. (only kidding, mom)

Too bad the Marble Slab isn’t already open. I could round out my lack of workout and a terrible dinner at TGIFridays with some slutty indulgent dessert…

<3

Just for curiosity’s sake I wondered what I was up to last year at this time, and want to know something funny? I was on South Beach Phase 2 this exact same time last year. Oh, and for about 10 posts in a row I droned on and on about how I was… if you’ve been reading my blog for that long I bet you guys wanted to shove a donut in my mouth and tell me to shut up, huh? Oh, and I totally laughed because I trashed P’s old boyfriend Z in one post. It was before they were dating so it was legitimate, right? I LOVE that man now. Funny how much changes in a year… apparently except for my South Beach cycle, that is.

So day two has gone just fine. No major temptations. I do have to say, though, last night I came close to a slip up. Will came home with all sorts of goodies: sour apple straw gummies, sour covered coke bottle gummies, and cherry gummies. I just looked at him as if he were a complete idiot, “Are you kidding me!? You know I’m on South Beach, right??” Do you think husbands do this stuff on purpose, or do it just because they really honestly completey forgot that their wife is going INSANE and on a really restrictive diet for 1-2 weeks? You know, I’d like to say it’s the first thing, but between you and me- I think it’s the second thing.

Why is it that God made men incredibly forgetful but women able to remember the color of their shirt the night they got engaged. Heck- we can even remember the color of our shirt the night our best friend’s cousin’s sister got engaged.

We

Never

Forget.

How strange. I guess it’s a balance thing.

The gummies are sitting in the cabinet right now, but I’m still holding strong. Mmm, cucumbers. Delicious!

Uh- did I mention if I go back to my equilibrium at the end of this week I’m going straight into Phase 2 and tossing the second week of Phase 1 in the can?

Okay, enough about Phase 2435 and gummy worms and forgetful husbands.

The truth is that I just felt like posting and thought it was funny that I was going through the exact same thing this time last year. Only then, Will was doing it with me. I don’t have to tell you how much easier it is to stick to something when your husband is tagging along.

Although- between you and me- it’s slightly more fun to be able to complain about absolutely everything: from how I’m annoyed about him bringing home crap to eat, all the way to how it drives me crazy that he picks sock lint out of his feet all because he’s not participating and I’m on a diet and fully allowed free reign to complain. I’m probably the only wife in the world that does that though, right?

Hello Friends!

Happy New Year Friends! Are you ready to ring in 2008? I can’t believe 2008 is here. Craziness!

I’m typing from Phoenix! We got here bright and early this morning. As I had hoped, we flew in with a few other Sooners, so that was fun. Don’t worry, we didn’t get out of control. There was no Boomer Sooner chanting from across the plane. We all were very well behaved.

Thus far our first day in Phoenix has been quite an adventure.

You know, when I think of vacation I think of fun, relaxation, excitement-

not pink eye.

Yep, Will has pink eye.

Can I first just say- Ew!?

Yes, Ew. Does that make me a terrible wife? Sorry. But seriously- Ew.

Just think of a puss-caked eye glued shut, juicy, and flaming hot pink. Yeah- you’re feeling me now on the “ew” aren’t you?

Poor guy. It’s like he’s constantly winking at me, only instead of it being all cute and flirty, it’s more like a huge gigantic swollen shut cornflake staring right at you in the winking position.

Agh! Now EVERYONE is saying Ew, right? Sorry- I just wanted you guys to share in all my disgusting “fun.”

Yesterday Will felt it coming on, but we were in Texas with Dr. Vet and weren’t able to get to a pharmacy. Plus, this morning at 4:00 when we were trying to get packed and rush to the airport wasn’t exactly the opportune time either. So- poor Will met the TSA airport guys with a big mushy cake eye.

Ew.

Boomer Sooner.

I guess.

Anyway, so our first few hours were a BLAST! Let me tell you. There’s no better way to learn about the city in which you’re staying like visiting their AM-PM/Emergency Care Clinic.

Loads of fun I tell you- loads of fun.

Those are two hours of our lives we’ll never get back. How sad.

We started off hoping that, as in Kuwait, we’d be able to stop by a pharmacy and get something that would get rid of this crap. We were mistaken. Why? Why would we think America would be about conveniences? There’s only a fast food restaurant on every

single

corner

in this country,

and everything is “quick and easy” on every commercial you see. Was it too much to ask for a simple infection killing eye drop?

Yes.

So, our dreams of a quick trip to Walgreens for aid were dashed.

On to the fun: the Emergency Care Clinic.

Thank God I’ve gotten a hepatitis shot.

That’s really all I can say.

Okay, I’m fibbing. There’s more to say. Guys, it was scary!

And smelly…

Unidentified wet stuff on the floor…

And full of deep, throaty, mucous-y coughs.

ALL OVER ME!

Seriously, if we were healthy before we came, we left there with something.

“We’re going to have to boil our clothes!” I told Will.

Yeah, yeah, I know- hospitals are full of sick people. I guess it was just quite a shock to sit in the AM-PM clinic my first day in Phoenix. Plus the stuff on the floor put me a bit overt the edge. What was it? No one knows.

What an adventure!

So, we sat, and we sat, and we made friends, and we watched terrible daytime TV. We sat there for 2 hours and Will was finally called. He was with the doctor for less than 5 minutes.

Hmm, wait for 2 hours, done in 5 minutes… something seems odd....

To cure us of the pink eye horror and frightening clinic we opted to celebrate our pink eye prescribed drops with a Cheesy Gordita Crunch!

Those may be the one thing that would bring me home for good. Thank goodness they’re only limited time things.

So, it’s been quite a day. I think with all of this afternoon’s fun, we’re going to let that be our fill of excitement for new year’s eve. We ordered a pizza and are going to stay in.

Read: Old Married Boring Couple.

Oh well, that’s us. We’ve accepted it!

I hope you all have a wonderful new years! I look forward to reading about it.

Update on my previous post to come sometime. For now I’m resolved to try my best not to worry about things I can’t control and just trust God.

Thanks for all your sweet comments lately. For the umptheenth time- when my in-laws go back to normal hours in January I look forward to catching up soon.

Happy New Year! More to come.

Boomer Sooner!

For the love of all little children that deserve a good home and occasional bread and water- please pray that women in Kuwait stop freaking using the pill and start popping out kids!

Guys, I’m seriously having a “sponge” moment like Elaine did in Seinfeld.

Do you remember that episode? They were taking the sponge off the market so everyone woman that so much as even thought they might have sex in the next 12 years went on a sponge hoarding spree, leaving women desperate and stingy. “Was so-and-so ‘sponge-worthy?’ Did he really deserve access to one of my thirty-three available sponges?” women across the world asked.

That’s where I am, guys. In a desperate, sponge-like predicament, grasping for hope and raiding all pharmacies with what I need. Yeah, I admit it, I’m totally about to become the mother (no pun intended- ha ha) of all birth control hoarders!

A couple of years ago I had an interesting experience with birth control in Kuwait (insert the link to where I talked about this experience...NOT). As odd as it seems in such a religious and conservative country, you can walk right into any pharmacy and come out with just about anything your little heart desires (you name it), including birth control. Turns out, birth control is quite a hot commodity around here (again- this is where I should insert the link to where I talk about this subject only am too lazy to do so). On several occasions I’ve had to go to more than one pharmacy to find what I need, and when I do you better believe I “Elaine” the joint and take all they have, even if it means the poor 70 year old woman behind the counter has to dig in the back for a freaking case.

I don’t care woman!

Now give me my Meds!

YELLA old woman!! (yella = hurry)

Seriously, I don’t mess around with that crap. I’m pretty sure the woman called me a female goat (which is a huge insult here). I don’t understand why she would have said that…

Maybe it was when I went around the counter to look for the stuff myself-

or the fact that I told her I was tired of “her kind” taking everything for themselves and not leaving anything for the little people.

Power to the people!

She looked at me as if to say, “You freaking idiot moron. I’m 72. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve needed that crap!?”

Anyway, back to the predicament.

Unfortunately there is this amazing BCP called Minesse. I say un because it has become the Holy Grail of birth control- everyone wants it, no one can find it. It’s the lowest dose of hormone you can possibly give someone without a big fat bold disclaimer that screams, “Caution: You’re more than likely going to get pregnant by taking a pill with such a low dose of whatever-the-crap it is that we put in here.”

When I first started taking it, it wasn’t available in the states (probably because our FDA ran a whole bunch of tests and found that 9 out of 10 people got pregnant when using it. Bummer. Let’s hope not.), but maybe now it’s been introduced in the US. I have no idea. All I know is that I love the stuff.

So does every other woman in Kuwait.

Do women in Kuwait even have sex?

Exaaaactly.

I think they’re in cahoots (sp!?) to buy the country’s stock of birth control just to piss people like me off.

I’m back. Sorry I’ve been MIA this week. The last 11 days I’ve worked 130 hours (un-freaking-believable)- and today isn’t over yet. I’ve missed you guys!

Ha ha, yep, when all else fails I turn to Fitness.

As you can probably guess, I don’t have much to talk about this week. Did you know that when you’re in “left brain mode” for extended periods of time it’s difficult to switch gears to the ride side of the brain?

Hey- I’m no doctor, but I think it’s true.

I read it in a magazine and those never lie.

I feel like I’ve been in analytical mode all week and my creative side has been sadly neglected. How sad! It makes my blog mad too.

Anyway, I’m about to switch back to my old program this week. The lady that puts them together is on vacation until next month, so I’m hoping she will make me a new one I can start using mid-December. Until then, though, it’s back to the old one.

I thought I’d post the one I’ve been doing incase any of you guys are looking to switch up your routine too. This one is a lot of machines, which is different from my last one.

Legs
I generally do one set of 15 and one set of 12 with a higher weight. Remember to make those muscles work!
1. Close Squats & Side Leg Lifts- You can do these at home too!
2. Inner Thigh Lifts- I use the cable machine for this one
3.Leg Extension- I don’t know if that’s the correct name of the machine. I hope so!
4. Outer Thigh Machine
5. Leg Curl Machine

Back
1.Rotary Upper Back Machine- I usually do one arm at a time, one set of 12 and another of 9 with higher weight.
2. Reverse Grip Chinning- I loathe and love this exercise. It’s done on the chin-dip machine. It’s basically like doing a pull-up. I do 2 sets of 7 with the lowest weight I can stand. My goal is to do a freaking pull-up on my own without the weight to help. This exercise also works the biceps.
3. Crap! I forgot the name of the machine! It’s for your lower back and is like a backwards crunch.... hmm- I’m so technical huh?

Triceps
1. Tricep Extension Machine- I do a set of 12 and a set of 9 w/ a higher weight
2. Bench Dips- You can do these at home!  2 sets of 15

Abs Day One
Sadly, I totally suck at these. I only do these about once a week and do the Day Two abs only once too. What a loser, huh? You could alternate between Day One and Day Two every day and I bet you’d have a nice core. ha- I need to take my own stupid advice!
1.Declined Sit-Ups w/ weights and twisting (as you come up from the sit up twist to one side and alternate)
2. Reverse Crunches- These are the ones where you lie on the floor or a bench and bring your legs up instead of your upper body. These are hard!
3. Cable Crunches- I LOVE these. They’re done on the cable machine

Chest
1. Chest Press Machine- I do a set of 12 and one of 9 with increased weight
2.Cable Crossover- This is done with the cable machine. I started out with one set of 15 and a set of 12, but I’ve since increased the weight so now I just do two sets of 6.
3. Pullover- This is done with a free weight and a bench.

Shoulders
1. Deltoid Machine- one set of 12, one of 9 with higher weight
2.Shoulder Press- done with free weights. I really like this one. I do two sets of 12.

Biceps
1. Concentration Curl- done with a free weight.
2. Bicep Curl Machine

Abs Day Two
All of these can be done at home
1. Crunches
2.Reverse Crunches
3.Knee-Elbow Twist
4.Combine 1 & 2- oh my gosh these are so hard!
5. Oblique Crunch

So that’s it. You know I’m at the bottom of the barrel when I have to post this crap. It’s good, though, so go do it dang it!

Have a good weekend!