So today is the day.

The day all these silly posts have led up to.

The day P turns 21.

The day where I feel pretty darn old.

It’s finally here.

I remember the day in 1989 when we were living in Germany and I got home from school and heard the news that I was going to have a baby brother or sister.

I remember walking down the stairs to see the light on in the kitchen and finding my mom eating potato salad- which is what she craved throughout her pregnancy with P.

Hmm- P? What are your thoughts on potato salad? Mom craved Suzy Qs with me and to this day whenever I can find them (which is very rare) I have this unexplainable impulse to buy three and eat them before I even leave the parking lot. For some reason I can’t see you doing the same with potato salad.

…

Moving on…

I remember the day when P was born- “way” back in 1990. It’s weird to think that I can actually remember that, but I do. I was in school and one of my mom’s friends came to pick me up because “it was time!” She was born with a low white blood cell count and had to stay in the hospital an extra few days and I clearly remember going to see her in that tiny little incubator. She had these little foiled heart-shaped warmers on her back to keep her temperature regulated. I remember having to scrub, scrub, scrub my hands at the hospital before I was able to touch her tiny back- and I remember being amazed that I had a little baby sister. I remember thinking how much I was going to love her and play with her and take care of her and be her best friend forever. When I look back I liken it to Elvira on Tiny Toons. Do you remember that? The girl was always on the lookout for a pet and always telling potential animals- in a scary high pitch shrill, mind you- that she would love them and squeeze them and hold them forever and ever and ever! Yep, I was pretty excited to have a little sister. Poor thing. She never had a chance.

I was like her second mom, she was always on my hip and with me all the time and I was fine with that. Granted, as you know from previous posts she drove me crazy sometimes, and I’m sure I did the same to her. We’ve fought. We’ve cried. We’ve laughed. And we’ve been mad. But who hasn’t when you’ve cared for someone? I’ve watched her make friends and change friends and change schools and change boyfriends, and she’s watched me do the same. We went from superficial closeness to a deeper friendship as we’ve gotten older. We don’t hold back and share everything, our fears, our deepest secrets, our insecurities, and our worries. And it’s okay.  Because we’re safe to share those things with one another because we know it’s okay. It’s home. And it always will be.

So here’s to the first 21 years with P- I’m really thankful for them and so blessed to have a sister than I can be unbelievably close to. Friends are overrated, right P (haha)? And here’s to 21 more. And 21 more after that. And 21 more after that! I want us to be in some nice retirement village drinking mimosas and sneaking peanut butter patties past the nurses one day.

So friends- today we tip our hats (ahem- and glasses. Big, big glasses) to miss P. She’s a big girl now. Cheers to her and cheers to what might possibly be one of the more fun weekends in our 21 years together.

Happy birthday P Dub. I love you.

Chicago here I come!!

In one month from today I’ll be headed to Chicago for what feels like a monumental sort of occasion.

P turns 21.

21/

It just doesn’t feel real for so many reasons. It makes me feel old! I remember her in nothing but my mom’s heels and a blue tu-tu. I remember her having Memorial Day concerts in our living room for our family. I remember her puking in my hair when we were on vacation in Iowa.

Let’s just say I have a lot of stories-

as does she.

Anyway, I’m sure we’ll talk more about that next month.

I thought I’d just commemorate that the countdown has begun. I’m pretty darn excited about it. Should we throw her a surprise party? The more the merrier, right? I’m sure all my blog friends in her apartment wouldn’t be weird at all.

Maybe we’ll grease the tracks for next year. 

1. I do not understand NASCAR. I mean, I understand the general concept. However, I do not understand how my husband can watch three hours of it in one sitting. The man doesn’t even like to watch me pull out of the drive way, yet if you put a man in a fancy suit full of various company patches and let them drive as fast as they want he’s enamored. I don’t get it.

2. Will got chocolate covered honey buns- and yes, they’re pretty freaking good. However, they’re like 350 calories for one. Do you know how much Special K with Strawberries I can have in place of that?!

3. I had black coffee last week which really surprised me. I’m much more of a skim milk, two sugars kind of girl. But last week was a pretty bad week, and therefore I draw the conclusion that I had to hit the hard stuff.

4. I’m really loving Mary Kay’s new Vitamin C Serum. It’s like magic.

5. It’s only 2 weeks until I’m reunited with my lovely ladies Sarah and Theresa and get to share in Theresa’s very special day. Actually, days! Her birthday is the day before the wedding. Pretty great.

6. I start school next Monday and am sort of freaking out.

7. Will and I are contemplating a December trip to Minneapolis. It’s not like an extravagant trip or anything, it’s Minneapolis, but if you’ve read my blog since 2005 you know it’s been a place Will and I have frequented and have definitely enjoyed each time we visited. I don’t want to go because in my mind we should just save our money and go somewhere we’ve never been, but Will’s argument is that it’s just a small “mini trip” and a getaway would be nice. Oh the fun of trying to make a decision. We shall see!

8. It’s fantasy football time again. For the first time in my married life I’m fully embracing being a football widow. I’m sure I’ll provide you all the details very soon, so we’ll just leave it at that.

9. Have you ever had a Whataburger with cheese? If you haven’t, you aren’t living and should really do it. Right now.

10. I’m really hoping for a good rain. We need it, but I also enjoy the rain. In fact, I have a few rain showers and thunderstorms downloaded on my ipod for when I can’t get to sleep. I feel sort of like an earthy hippie type writing that. I have no idea why.

I’m definitely getting my fair share of family this summer.

Ha- when you put it that way it sounds pretty bad, doesn’t it?

The truth is, it’s not bad at all. In fact- it’s pretty darn good!

This past weekend was spent with my dad’s side of the family in Iowa celebrating my Gran’s 80th birthday. I hadn’t seen her since my wedding, 6 1/2 years ago. Which, yes, officially makes me the worst granddaughter ever. It was nice to get to see her and celebrate her special day. I was also able to spend time with the rest of that side of the family which was really great too. It’s funny how you can simply pick up where you left off with your extended family. There’s something comforting about being able to do so.

So to bore you I’ll give you a super short yellow and black striped Cliff’s Notes version of the weekend:

-Thursday night I flew into Chicago, where my sister is moving into her totally great and grown-up new apartment. I spent the night at her new place while my parents stayed in a hotel.

-Friday morning we had The Bongo Room for breakfast (yes, although this is a Cliff’s Notes recap, The Bongo Room is worth mentioning) followed by shopping and getting some things finished for P’s apartment. Then we made the 6 hour drive to Iowa where we met up with my Gran.

-Saturday was the big birthday bash. It was nice to catch up with our family and celebrate the big occasion. We all got t-shirts in honor of the day which were color coated by family. We had a photographer come and take pictures of everyone which was fun too. Then we had an “after party” (Um, I use this term very loosely. It was a far cry from a Jay-Z song) and spent some more time together.

-Sunday was spent travelling home.

So there’s the recap. Now, let’s camp out a little on Saturday. It was a good day. However, it’s a day with family which definitely means there was a bit of drama to share, right? I mean, let’s be honest- who doesn’t have something to talk about after leaving a large family gathering?

Family is an interesting thing. We all know it. We all talk about it. Because it is.

I can treat P like yesterday’s old rolled up ragged newspaper that’s been rained on and peed on by Gus, the neighborhood wandering dog- but if YOU treat my sister like yesterday’s old rolled up ragged newspaper that’s been rained on and peed on by Gus, the neighborhood wandering dog you’re in big trouble!

Because then you have to deal with me. And I’m really scary.

And mean.

...

Really- I am!

Okay, so I’m not.

But you get my point. Some innate protective wolverine-like nature comes out in us when someone is mistreating our family. I’m sure we’re all familiar with this feeling.

I had the privilege of meeting my uncle’s first second third fourth wife for the first time this weekend. I had heard plenty about this woman, but the stories really didn’t do her loquacious and rude character justice. You had to see her in the flesh to really experience the full affect.

So we get to the party and the very.first.thing out of her mouth is directed at my sister- “Oh… you dyed your… hair,” she said in this really condescending tone.

Ha.

I was expecting a, “Hi! How have you been?!” With the potential for an awkward and uncomfortable obligatory hug.

“Why did you do that?”

Sidenote: How is it that a grown woman can go 50 years on the Earth without learning basic extended family gathering etiquette?

To which my sister, utterly shocked, stammered something somewhat coherent. Only I don’t really remember because I had my head cocked to the left with my mouth opened thinking how incredibly CRAZY this woman was. WE DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU. As you can see, my uncle totally married her for her sweet, graceful personality.

So we immediately moved onto other, more jovial family members. Only an hour later to have her say something about it again. “So… do you dye your eyebrows? I mean, because you’d have to, right? That’s NOT your natural color.”

I’m so confused! This is my Gran’s birthday! When did this become an episode of MTV Boiling Points?

“Am I about to win $100 Grandma Betty? Is there a camera crew hiding in the bathroom that will jump out the second I get ready to deck this lady?”

Why is this lady randomly asking my sister about her hair color? Why do I feel like I’m in a really strange scene from Silence of the Lambs in which this lady is going to ask to wear my sister’s hair or something utterly terrifying like that?

By this point I think we’re all not only shocked at her blunt comments, but also really irritated. I don’t care if my sister’s hair was painted like the American Flag- you’re not part of our family so get over it!

Geez.

So the party continues and she continues to offend and control all the conversation and monopolize everyone’s time- and then we move to the after party. After a couple of Smirnoffs she’s now touching my sister’s hair and pulling it up at the nape of the neck, “trying to find her natural color” while talking to my dear old Gran.

Which means my sister doesn’t want to hurt my Gran’s feelings or make a big deal of this crazy lady’s antics on her big birthday. However, at that point we were so out of there. What a weirdo. I’m pretty sure she won’t be around at the next family gathering. Only… after meeting number four I’m terrified to meet number five!

So that was one of the weird familial moments I thought I’d share.

This weekend should be much less eventful, which is definitely a good thing.

This weekend Will and I are headed to Branson to celebrate his dad’s 60th birthday. This weekend will only be spent with his parents and his brother and brother’s wife. So while I anticipate blog-able moments, I highly doubt I’ll be able to share how someone asked Will to wear his skin (shudder).

I’m definitely looking forward to this trip. It will be super quick, and mostly spent in the car, but it should still be nice. Regardless of the fact that Will’s dad is into virtually every travel oddity in the world. “There’s a 25 foot ball of belly button lint 5 miles away! Let’s stop in and check it out!”

Yes, it will be an interesting trip but in a different way.

More to come…

1. There are a freaking exorbitant amount of people from Oklahoma reading my blog.

You have no idea how much this mortifies me and drives home the fact that I totally need to move to a remote island, adopt a super cool “pen name,” and write freely where the odds of me bumping into someone at a coral reef is no where near as likely as bumping into someone at Ted’s. Do I really wanting my backyard knowing the wind blew my skirt up sky high right in front of my father in law? I’m thinking no.

2. I really dislike fake flowers.

That is all I will say about this subject.

3. I hate going to the grocery store by myself.

It’s like this whole “thing” with me. I mean, of course I’ll do it- I’m a freaking grown woman for crying out loud- but I would way rather Will go with me.

I’m such a weirdo. Perhaps we will discuss this oddity in another post. The shopping part- not the weirdness part.

4. I’m into trance music.

I think I might have told you guys that before, but it seems to surprise most people when they find that out about me.

What?

Is it strange that some proper Oklahoma suburban wife would listen to stuff like that (ha ha- the answer is a big overwhelming YES)?

5. I’m going to Chicago this weekend.

I guess this isn’t a “confession” per se, but I hadn’t told you guys yet so I thought it was time to share. P and I are going to have a super quick and AMAZING girl’s weekend full of the most fun we’ve had together since the cruise.

We are going to see Tiesto in concert!!!

(crickets chirping)

Okay- so I know that’s like dolphin squeak to most of you- but trust me, it’s like huge, huge, huge.

Tiesto is the modern father of trance. He truly epitomizes what trance music is today. Trust me- it’s a big deal. I can’t even put into words how much I’m looking forward to this trip and how amazing this concert will be.

I downloaded his newest album today to get me ready for my trip. I had listened to it last week and didn’t really like it, but today I decided that for the most part I really do. To humor me you should download Century ft. Calvin Harris, Fresh Fruit, and Who Wants to Be Alone ft. Nelly Furtado from his newest album, Kaleidoscope. They’re the ones I’m listening to the most right now. I think the Nelly Furtado song is way hot.

YAY for an amazing girl’s weekend!

I can’t wait to tell you guys all about it.

So that’s my big news/"confession."

Anything you need to get off your chest?

I <3 Chicago.

I already knew that because I've been there before, however this past weekend reaffirmed it once again.

I had the most amazing weekend with my mom and sister, and it's something I'll treasure for a long time to come. Especially since I have no idea when all three of us will be together again all as once.

I flew to Chicago Thursday night and was greeted by my parents and sister. We had a late dinner at Gino's Pizza- which was amazing. Nothing welcomes you to Chicago quite like a deep dish pizza blanketed in layers of cheese at 9:00 at night.

Friday morning my dad took off for a short trip with his brother for a guys weekend in Indianapolis, so it was just us girls left on our own to shop and have a wonderful time.

Saturday morning we started off at Panera Bread followed by shopping, shopping, and more shopping. I haven't been shopping in AGES. Will and I are on the Dave Ramsey plan and we've got that "gazelle intensity" to get out of debt and make sacrifices other places. Anyway, it was so.much.fun. to buy new clothes. My mom is the best. So we did that all day Saturday- followed by The Cheesecake Factory for dinner. It was a great day- and I was actually a tiny bit sore from all that walking. I don't think that's good! What does that say about my gym workout?! Perhaps I need to change up my routine?

Sunday was a lot of fun. My sister stayed the night in her apartment the night before so my mom and I got an early start on all the Labor Day sales followed by a trip to the Shed's Aquarium.

Along with the entire state of Illinois.

It was insane.

A zoo.

An insane zoo aquarium.

It was still fun. This was my second time to go. I went with my dad the first time so it's cool that I got to go with my mom this time. After Shed's my sister met up with us and we had some coffee and had a relaxing afternoon followed by-

The Blue Man Group that night!

It was such a fun show and I'm so glad we went. Guys, my mom was freaking cracking us up so much. I don't think I've heard her cackle or laugh so hard she cried as much as I did that night. It was classic and I simply can't do it justice in this blog post. The funniest part was at the end. There's this whole "thing" with strobe lights and loud music and toilet paper being pulled from holders all over the auditorium. My mom kept yelling at me and P to "Pull! Pull! Pull!" while she was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face and while the strobes were going and the music was pumping. P just looked at me and yelled, "I feel like we're at a rave with our mom!" Too funny.

Anyway, that was lots of fun.

After the show we went for a late steak- which is where I caught the end of the OU game.

And saw all I really needed to see.

I called Will immediately after (who was down in Dallas to watch the loss) and told him that perhaps this was good. Perhaps it's good that we are disappointed at the start of the season instead of the end like always.

He didn't agree.

Yesterday was spent doing more shopping. This time for P's room. Groceries, stuff for school, etc. It was fun. I love her place and I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that she's all grown up and in this giant city living this adult life. It makes me look at myself and realize how old I've gotten as well and how surreal it seems. I still remember being in 5th grade and having her barf on my hair while we were visiting my grandparents in Iowa. Good times.

She's come a long way from those days. She's a woman in the city. Remember this post? Its sort of the same, only with her now. She’s back in America, all grown up, and experiencing this whole new life for the first time and I’m glad I get to be a small part of it.

So that was Sunday. Oh- and we also had a ridiculous amount of food. We at at the Five Guys burger joint, followed by dessert at the Ghiradelli place (um or however you spell it) and, well, I think the list goes on from there.

It was around the time I finished my dessert that afternoon that I started to feel a little bummed.

Which is what I promised Will I wouldn’t do. He knows me so well. He made me promise not to get bummed out early and to enjoy every minute of my time with my mom and sister until the end. So- I tried to do that.

P and I walked around and she took me to “The Bean” (not the official name, but the one I’m pretty sure most people know it by). It was a nice walk, perfect weather, and really nice. Definitely a walk I appreciated and will tuck away in my little pocket of memories I want to keep forever (whatever that means...).

We had a quiet night in and watched TV and just hung out, which was nice. It’s those little things of doing “nothing” that you can sometimes miss the most when you’re away from your family.

Today came early and it was sad to say goodbye. I hope we’re all able to see each other soon, and I hate that we’re all so far away now. I guess that’s normal though, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it, right?

So here I am, back in Oklahoma (um, which is a far cry from Chicago, right?). It’s been a typical evening, followed by a typical (thankfully short) week, followed by a typical weekend.

It was nice to step out of the mundaneness for a while. I’m thankful for my trip.

And I’m also thankful for the Chicago pizza which will be arriving to my door Wednesday afternoon.

I’m off to watch TV with Will.

Happy Labor Day!

A year ago today I was embarking on the most amazing trip ever. I must say, 5 August 2009 was far different different than 5 August 2008. Instead of boarding our amazing cruiseship and getting ready for what truly was one of the best three weeks of my life, I sat in my little cubicle reading the Federal Acquisition Regulation and trying to make heads and tails of our finance guy’s pricing sheet.

Good times.

I must admit, my heart hurt a little bit today when I got up. I know it sounds silly to be all reminiscent and bummed about the “anniversary” of my dream vacation, but I was.

I guess that’s got to be normal, right?

Please tell me that’s normal.

Okay- so we all agree that my feelings today were normal.

What is not normal is looking ahead to the next 20 days of my life thinking about how I’ll be all, “Oh on the 14th I was in Pompeii” or “On the 12th I was in Tunisia. Sigh...”

I think that borderlines as a little crazy. When I stop and think about it- that trip, last year, was the last time I took a vacation! Granted, it was three weeks (Yes, my boss is amazing. I had already had this trip planned before taking the job so she let me go.)- but it was a whole year ago! Craziness. I did take two days in January to go to Miami, but that’s more of a long weekend.

Anyway, perhaps I’m just bummed because I fully realize that the next time I’ll get to do something that spectacular is when you win the lottery and give me all your earnings we retire.

I guess I am being rational, right?

Oh, and so today I went back for old time’s sake (um, which bummed me out even more) and read about all the amazing adventures me and P went on. It’s sort of funny to look back and read these now because it was our chance to say goodbye to each other before she headed to school in Dubai for four years and Will and I settled down in Oklahoma.

Well, I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you that P is moving back to America! She’ll still be far away, but not an ocean away- and close enough for long girl weekends! I’m very pleased with this decision.

I tell you that because it’s funny how things work out. Last year i was just certain I’d never see my sister again, and here we are a year later and she’s going to be fairly close again. I guess that’s why we’re not meant to worry about things, right?

Enough rambling today. Here’s to the most amazing trip of my life, and some of the best memories I’ve ever made-

and here’s to planning something just as great in 2010, perhaps?

Um- only way way shorter. I’m pretty sure that three week vacation thing was a one time deal.

Good: I got up on time and made it to the airport really early.

Bad: I planned on using my extra time at the airport to do some work, only to find out the OKC airport charges for WiFi. I hate those guys.

Good: Leaving on time from OKC.

Bad: Not having enough time for lunch in Cincinnati and having to go straight to our gate.

Good: Getting a window seat on my stretch to D.C.

Bad: Having the ice sensor thing break on the right wing, which caused us to be an hour delayed.

Good: The cookies they gave out on our trip.

Bad: The fact that those cookies were the only thing I had eaten all.day.long.

Good: Getting to see a few landmarks as we flew into D.C.

Bad: Being here for work, not pleasure (it’s a super fast trip).

Good: Setting up my computer and catching up on emails- all in my comfy clothes.

Bad: Catching up on emails and having to squint due to the poor lighting.

Good: The giant fattening burger I had delivered to my room tonight. I <3 room service.

Bad: Um, I think I’m over per diem. I should probably look into that…

Good: Having time to post!

And let’s end on a happy note. I’m enjoying my trip out of the office. I’ve never been to D.C. (and I’m not sure if this even technically counts since it’s such a quick trip!) so the whole 10 minutes I’ve been here have been great! (ha ha)

Hope you are doing well! 

1. The weekend wasn’t as bad as anticipated.

2. Pictures are posted and I think they turned out pretty good. I think Will needs to wear a tux everyday.

3. I never became more aware of the fact that Will and I truly and seriously treat our dogs like real life children more than I did this weekend. I listened to all our family members with kids and the little common trigger phrases they said and thought to myself, “Wow… I say that too. To my dogs. I think Will and I need help.”

4. I actually thought about kids this weekend (as in maybe having them one day down the road) and sort of freaked out but sort of did not. Long story short- I saw a lot of couples this weekend with small kids that seemed miserable (not with their children, but with their spouse) and it freaked me out. At the same time I thought about how I also know a lot of people that seem even happier with their spouse. I guess some of that could have been because of the circumstance (um I’m pretty sure traveling and having to stay up late for a family dinner can make EVERYONE grumpy). What do you think?

5. I honestly wore more makeup than the bride this weekend and felt a little ridiculous. She’s very simple and I so should have remembered that. Eh- I don’t get to dress up much so I figured I might as well do it right.

6. The AC in our truck went out. Thankfully it went out on the way home and not on the way there. I’m certain Will and I would have ended up in marital counseling had it gone out before. Have I mentioned I turn into a raging psychopath when I get hot? Probably not.

7. I felt really old Sunday when I went to bed at around 8:30.

8. I like Will’s family- despite what I say on my website sometimes. I’m pretty lucky to have his family in my life. I could definitely have worse- and realized that this weekend.

9. I didn’t even get to dance with Will at the reception. :( Do you know the last time we danced was back in 2002 when we met in ballroom dancing class!? I thought I was getting a dancer, but um- notsomuch. The 3 or 4 times they had a slow song Will was helping to get the bride’s overnight bag into Dr. Vet’s car, or tagging the car, or something else. Will and I were going to dance to the last slow song they played, but Dr. Vet and Mrs. Dr. Vet snatched us up and we danced with them instead. Oh well. Hopefully someone else will get married soon?

10. I’m beyond behind on reading and commenting on your blogs. Therefore I’m turning off comments today until I catch up. Sorry I’m a sucky blog friend but I promise to catch up soon. 

“I should probably get a hepatitis shot,” I thought to myself as I carelessly used an unlined public toilet for the fourth time yesterday.

I’m generally more careful, however it had been a long day. A really long day. I woke at 3:30 morning in order to shower, get dressed (complete with high heels), compile and condense my crap (unsuccessfully) and leave the house by 4:45.

I had checked in, gotten through security, and found my gate all before 5:30. I was in the air by 6:00.

I consider that a fairly busy morning. And early. A really early morning too. But who cared- it was a day trip. No big deal.

We had a fairly slow paced morning with a jam packed afternoon. We arrived, enjoyed a cup of coffee to awaken our tired brains, and prepared for the day ahead.

The coffee worked- but only for so long.

At least it was just a day trip.

By the time my meeting started (at 2:00 that afternoon), I was sleepy. Not only that- but seriously, what was I thinking with wearing these high heels!? Thank God it was just a day trip- and almost over.

The meeting went well and was valuable- but by the time it was over I was ready to drive like Mark Martin all the way to the airport to be home to see Will-

And sleep-

And most of all, get out of these freaking heels.

We arrived at the airport, got through security- you know the normal stuff.

We found our gate and also found a mob crowded around the little check-in counter.

“Hmm- this doesn’t look normal…” I thought to myself.

Perhaps I had finally tempted fate long enough had actually contracted some strange hallucinatory disease from all my careless bathroom use during the day- and this was all just a mirage.

It wasn’t.

Damn.

You know- because the reality of a mob is so much worse than a communicable disease.

It appeared storms in Dallas had caused several delays and even cancelations. As we looked on the screen we noticed our flight to Dallas had been delayed two hours. Instead of our lovely 6:30 we were now pushed back past 8:30.

At this point you try to settle in and began the lion-like hunt for an available outlet for your laptop.

Think National Geographic channel- cheetahs chasing the little gazelles.

Thankfully this cheetah was quick enough to secure an outlet to check much needed email. Hunger inevitably kicked in, and I gave up my post to eat. When I had finished, my flight had been delayed almost another hour. With each delay a call was made to Will- who was going to pick me up and take me home.

Home to my own bed.

And no high heels.

Did I mention I had been in them for 15 hours in heels at that point?

Heels and an extra huge purse.

Heels and an extra huge purse and an extra huge laptop bag.

After all- IT WAS JUST A FREAKING DAY TRIP.

Finally- 9:15. Everything looked good. Our flight from Dallas to Oklahoma was going to be tight, but we had about 15 minutes to get off and run to our gate before the plane left. We felt confident we could do it- with my heels in my hand, of course.

We arrived in Dallas right on time- 15 minutes to spare.

Thankfully.

“Okay- so it’s no big deal. I’m only a few hours behind schedule. Willy will be waiting for me at 11:30 and we’ll go home and I’ll sleep in an extra hour- rest my feet- and go to work. This will be fine.”

Only we sat on the plane. And sat. And sat a little longer.

Just when I got to the point in which my left eye began to twitch uncontrollably, the captain informed us there was no gate ready for us and we were going to have to wait a little while.

…

So I sent a text to my colleague who had made the earlier Dallas flight and was already in the airport waiting for the Oklahoma flight. I wanted to see if she thought we would be able to make it, or if it was simply too late.

“You’ll make it,” she said.

Thankfully.

I figured with all the delays it would be okay.

“Just a little longer, Britt, and you’ll be out of your heels and in bed, fighting with the dogs for space.”

We finally got to the gate- I began getting into sprint mode. We got to the gate and waited. And waited. And waited.

My eye began to twitch again.

The captain informed us that although we were at our gate we had to wait on an attendant to open the doors-

Or some crap like that.

I didn’t care. It meant that the chances of my cramped calves getting out of these heels and into my own bed were getting slimmer each second that ticked away on that plane.

It meant I was going to spend the night either driving all the way home to Oklahoma or in some skuzzy hotel.

It meant this was no longer just a day trip.

I could only hope something was delaying the plane to Oklahoma so that we could make it in time.

But that would be normal and predictable- and why in the world would I want that, right?

So of course I missed my flight.

By the time we got off the plane we were met by another mob.

Another mob that had missed their flights too.

And must have been wearing heels for 15 hours too, because they were super grumpy.

I mean, sure I was tired, my back was seriously aching from all the stupid weight I had towed with me. My calves? Pretty much numb at that point. My feet were permanently shaped in triangles to mold to my stupid pointy heels.

Yet somehow I wasn’t in an awful mood.

Okay- I was.

I think I said “What the hell” or something like that- but I didn’t get too mad. I don’t think I even cussed- which I consider a success in this circumstance.

I know-I’m such a classy lady.

So we stood in line with the mob to see what to do next. The airline put us up in a hotel because of the delay.

So much for my little easy day trip.

“At least we get another day of per diem!” my colleague said enthusiastically.

“Really? ’At least we get another day of per diem!’” I said mockingly to myself. “HOW LOVELY! Because I’m SO excited about $30 when I’m going to need $30,000 to buy prosthetic calves after wearing these heels all day!”

Men seriously have no concept of what it’s like being a woman.

Seriously.

Anyway, we loaded up and began the trip to our hotel.

The whole way there I began to watch myself begin to panic internally.

It finally hit me.

I’m.spending.the.night.

In these clothes I’ve worn since like 4:00 this morning.

I had no toothbrush.

No mascara.

Gasp! No deodorant!

And let’s face it- I’m a sweater.

Please- please just swallow me into the ground now.

There’s something interesting that seems to happen to you once you realize that your simple little day trip is going to turn into an overnight stay. A stay in which you’ve carelessly not planned for.

(um-sidebar! Okay so I’ve flown a million times and have never ever experienced any issues. So why, WHY would a simple day trip cause me problems, I thought to myself, right!?)

Your whole mind begins to turn to mush.

Your frame of reference becomes totally distorted and you have no good solid compass between what’s socially acceptable and entirely ridiculous.

“Okay- so do I take off my make up, or leave it on?

What am I going to do about not having deodorant? This is going to be bad on so many levels.

Do I stay in my undies? Try to wash them? Go commando?

Do I saturate my shirt in perfume to freshen it up?”

Suddenly these really easy everyday hygiene decisions become little crises.

What do I do!? What is the proper etiquette? This shouldn’t be that hard. Why is this so hard!?

The truth is that it’s hard because you’re only planning for a day trip!

Why wasn’t I prepared? Sigh…

So we got to the hotel late. I have no idea when, but I know it was after 11:00 and I could barely walk. I got my room key, tried to do a little work- which turned out to be fruitless because I was totally spent-and went to bed.

I got up at 5:30 this morning, got fully dressed in my work attire (except for the shoes. I went barefoot and hoped for the best) and went down to the lobby to try to pillage for at the very least toothpaste.

Turns out a lot of idiots are like me and don’t plan ahead. I scored toothpaste, a toothbrush, and- and- deodorant!

Men’s deodorant.

Men’s deodorant without antiperspirant.

But hey- who cares- it’s better than nothing, right?

I opted to shower and wash my face. I took my make up off but I didn’t remove my mascara.

I got ready.

I looked like death.

I had lipstick.

I remember a friend saying that all you really needed on an extremely ugly and off day was lipstick. That would make it all better.

She is full of crap.

I had a greasy complimentary breakfast and was finally, finally on my way home.

I arrived home this morning at about 10:30. I went home, freshened up a little, changed clothes, PUT ON FLATS, and went to work.

I was swamped, but hey- the problems I faced at work today seemed like a piece of cake compared to the whole dilemma of proper 2nd day undie etiquette.

It feels incredible to be at home. I’m so ready to slip into my own sheets tonight.

I no longer believe in day trips, will always be prepared, and am officially retired from business travel. At least for a while anyway.

<3