So I got my bridesmaid’s dress fitted for this gal’s wedding (so excited by the way!) and went to pick it up today. It fits like a glove.

Almost.

Almost as in it fits so great and snug and secure that I know after 10 minutes of having it on- or eating- I will be turning blue from the lack of oxygen to my brain.

Okay I’m exaggerating. Plus now I have Theresa in a panic that my dress is too tight (don’t worry, it’s not. It’s blog exaggeration). Plus- that’s what they make Spanx for, right? I will say, however, Theresa- I vow to try my hardest to get rid of some arm fat to ensure that my bouquet is held nicely and that there is no bulge in any of your pictures.

And I will try to forego seconds on desserts.

Every other time.

<3

You simply eat the whole thing so as to ensure there are no jagged edges to haunt you in your sleep.

My MIL made me my annual double decker strawberry birthday cake and brought it up yesterday afternoon.

It’s not just any strawberry cake.

It’s pretty much the best strawberry cake I’ve ever had. It has crushed up real strawberries in it and everything. It’s delicious. And it’s fruit. So it’s healthy.

I shared my cake with the family yesterday- cutting four nice sized slices.

It left a little more than half after that.

Then Will and I, being incredibly slothful and fat, had another generous piece each after our evening walk last night.

So then there was less than half.

Then I came home for lunch today.

And started “evening out” the cake.

A sliver here. A cut there.

You know… to even it out.

Two giant “even-ing out” slices later and there were just two nice size pieces left.

Fat.

Then I came home from work.

Went for an hour long walk outside.

And came home and killed the rest.

Two pieces.

By myself.

After already eating like literally half a cake in a 24 hour span.

I’m pretty sure that type of gluttony is outlawed any other time except for your birthday week. 

Hi!

So it’s somewhat late, I’ve had a long day, and I’m sleepy (read: boring). However, I wanted my first “real” post in half a year to be a little different so I made a few boring videos!

My face is hilarious in this one.

And because I feel really bad for being such a terrible blogger and friend I wanted to embarrass myself as a peace offering. Please excuse the fly-aways, sausage fingers, and giant zit.

So you guys have heard me talk TONS about food lately. You probably think I’m confined to my bed all day and can barely breathe let alone turn myself on my side without a harness and firefighter assistance.

I swear, despite me love for food, that is not the truth. I can still move without a crane. Promise.

To prove it you I figured I’d post my current weight lifting program. You should try it. This will be my third week and I’m loving it lots right now. I’ve got two upper body and two lower body days- with different exercises on each day. I don’t do upper and lower on the same day, I split it into four different days if I can. I also do a set of abs in between each set of exercises, so you’ll be constantly moving during the entire workout which means more calories burned (ie: more fried snickers you can consume. ha ha. Just kidding… sort of)!

For weeks 1-4 I’m doing three sets of between 8-12 reps. This range helps with endurance.

Weeks 5-8 will be three sets of 6-8 reps. This range is for hypertrophy.

Weeks 9-12 will be three sets of 1-5 reps. This range is for strength.

Day One Upper:
Bench Press
Bent Over Barbell Row
Shoulder Press
Skull Crushers
Barbell Curl

Day Two Upper:
Dips (using the chin dip machine)
Pull-ups (I wish I was amazing enough not to need assistance with these, but I use the chin dip machine)
Lateral Raises
Tricep Pushdowns (using the cable machine)
Cable Curls

Day One Lower
Squats
Stiff Legged Deadlift (AMAZING. You MUST be doing these.)
Leg Extension (machine)
Leg Curls (machine)
Calf Raises

Day Two Lower
Step Ups- Grab some weights and step up onto a bench and down. I know it sounds stupid and easy, but it’s a good leg workout
Leg Press
Dumbbell Lunges
Calf Raises
Hyperextension

So I promise that I’m still working out despite my lust for fried snickers. Just reading this program makes me break into a sweat.

More to come!

1. I have way, way more patience than I think I do.

2. A banana isn’t enough for breakfast.

3. But monkey bread someone brought in for the office is.

4. I have bad luck in San Antonio, and it looks like that streak will continue.

5. I have a really hard time liking people that work in the field of finance.

6. Did I say a really hard time? I’m sorry. I meant to say I think I may drive a stake through my eye if I have to hold another conversation with someone from finance this week.

7. When I joke about wanting Coldstone Creamery for lunch, I actually mean it. Other people don’t.

8. I suck at history homework.

9. I really like having dessert after dinner. Unfortunately, it’s something I’ve become accustomed to. I decided to wean myself off this dependency this week- which I have now 100% decided that it’s a really stupid decision. So I like chocolate. What’s the crime in that!?

10. I need to become a millionaire.

Year One: Roses, a Card, and Chocolate

Year Two: Roses and a Card

Year Three: Roses

Year Four: Card

Year Five and Seven Months: A Gigantic Box of Dunkin Donuts Chocolate Cake Donut Holes

And the clothes come off as if you had been sent a tennis bracelet.  I mean- what beats Dunkin Donuts?

It’s all about romanticism really.

<3

Going over my sister’s grocery list and having full detailed discussions about the food she plans on buying.

You’d be amazed at how fascinating 100 Calorie Packs, avocados, and yogurt can be. 

So there’s like a slew of things-

very important things I might add-

that we need to discuss.

Only

I’m lying and there’s really not much worth sharing.

Actually…

I could share some pretty freaking HILARIOUS text messages back and forth between myself and sister involving all sorts of random topics.

But for the sake of sparing our pride it’s best I do not share.

Then there’s the fact that we have a mouse in our garage that we’ve been trying to catch for um

like two weeks now

but that sneaky bastard keeps outsmarting us.

It’s a genius mouse.

A genius mouse!

Like the freaking Einstein Bill Gates Macgyver of all mice.

I hate that guy!

So we’ve tried everything

and yet he’s somehow managed to escape from everything we’ve planted.

Except…

this week he was no where to be found,

and the cheese we left out remained untouched.

Which freaks me the crap out because:

A. It’s inevitable some awful smell is going to start permeating the garage because by some freak chance we actually managed to kill the guy with who knows what.(And don’t you love how I just assume it’s a guy? I mean we all know it has to be! He eats and leaves without cleaning up after himself! Enough said.)

B. There’s a bigger more skilled Einstein Bill Gates Macgyver of all mice that ate the late Einstein Bill Gates Macgyver of all mice and is now going to way, way, way outsmart us.

Like we’re going to walk out to our cars one day and he’s going to be smoking a pipe reading a Sherlock Holmes novel and asking for me to bring him his slippers.

Nice.

Anyway, it’s been eerily quiet this week and I’m not sure I like that. I mean, unless of course he is in fact dead and there’s no second mouse lurking around the corner.

Then we’re good.

Then of course there’s the fact that it’s GAME DAY.

Okay

Like in one hour it’s GAME DAY.

Yes.

I still say it with excitement in my voice. Who cares if we blow this year (okay I’m totally lying. I most definitely care if we blow this year… this is simply a psychological tactic to prepare myself for any potential future disappointment), I’m excited about game day.

I’m also excited about Olive Garden’s Never Ending Pasta Bowl.

We’ll be indulging after the game tomorrow. Hello fatness! Who am I kidding? I’ll get one bowl and be done (um… I hope anyway), but it’s still more economical to do it that way.

Sure Brittny… keep telling yourself that’s why you need pasta soaked in alfredo sauce.

Ramble Ramble…

I guess I need to get off so I make sure I’m up early enough to work off a small fraction of my lunch at the gym tomorrow morning. Hope you guys had a great Friday!

When I see hilarity like this it makes me think to myself, “I might want a little mini-me one day after all.”

I crack myself up and can’t help but think my spawn would crack me up just as much, if not more.

Oh- and of course annoy, frustrate, and bring me to a slow death

(only kidding about the above, of course. Well… mostly anyway).

Anyway, what in the world do you think is going on in this picture?

A. Throwing a big fist in the air while jubilantly saying, “Yessss! Cookie Time! But wait! What am I going to do with my red balloon? I know! I’ll stick it down my pants! Great place holder.”

B. Throwing a big fist in the air while jubilantly saying, “Yessss! Cookie Time! Good thing I’m only two! If I were 26 and lived in Oklahoma and ate dozens of these every day while blogging and complaining to my blog friends about fatness my stomach would look like this red balloon here tucked away in my pants!”

C. Throwing a big fist in the air while jubilantly saying, “Yessss! Cookie Time! Let’s pretend like I’ve got a baby in my belly so I can pretend I need to feed her too!”

D. I have no idea. You should seek therapy.

E. Please feel free to insert your own observation here.

I <3 Chicago.

I already knew that because I've been there before, however this past weekend reaffirmed it once again.

I had the most amazing weekend with my mom and sister, and it's something I'll treasure for a long time to come. Especially since I have no idea when all three of us will be together again all as once.

I flew to Chicago Thursday night and was greeted by my parents and sister. We had a late dinner at Gino's Pizza- which was amazing. Nothing welcomes you to Chicago quite like a deep dish pizza blanketed in layers of cheese at 9:00 at night.

Friday morning my dad took off for a short trip with his brother for a guys weekend in Indianapolis, so it was just us girls left on our own to shop and have a wonderful time.

Saturday morning we started off at Panera Bread followed by shopping, shopping, and more shopping. I haven't been shopping in AGES. Will and I are on the Dave Ramsey plan and we've got that "gazelle intensity" to get out of debt and make sacrifices other places. Anyway, it was so.much.fun. to buy new clothes. My mom is the best. So we did that all day Saturday- followed by The Cheesecake Factory for dinner. It was a great day- and I was actually a tiny bit sore from all that walking. I don't think that's good! What does that say about my gym workout?! Perhaps I need to change up my routine?

Sunday was a lot of fun. My sister stayed the night in her apartment the night before so my mom and I got an early start on all the Labor Day sales followed by a trip to the Shed's Aquarium.

Along with the entire state of Illinois.

It was insane.

A zoo.

An insane zoo aquarium.

It was still fun. This was my second time to go. I went with my dad the first time so it's cool that I got to go with my mom this time. After Shed's my sister met up with us and we had some coffee and had a relaxing afternoon followed by-

The Blue Man Group that night!

It was such a fun show and I'm so glad we went. Guys, my mom was freaking cracking us up so much. I don't think I've heard her cackle or laugh so hard she cried as much as I did that night. It was classic and I simply can't do it justice in this blog post. The funniest part was at the end. There's this whole "thing" with strobe lights and loud music and toilet paper being pulled from holders all over the auditorium. My mom kept yelling at me and P to "Pull! Pull! Pull!" while she was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face and while the strobes were going and the music was pumping. P just looked at me and yelled, "I feel like we're at a rave with our mom!" Too funny.

Anyway, that was lots of fun.

After the show we went for a late steak- which is where I caught the end of the OU game.

And saw all I really needed to see.

I called Will immediately after (who was down in Dallas to watch the loss) and told him that perhaps this was good. Perhaps it's good that we are disappointed at the start of the season instead of the end like always.

He didn't agree.

Yesterday was spent doing more shopping. This time for P's room. Groceries, stuff for school, etc. It was fun. I love her place and I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that she's all grown up and in this giant city living this adult life. It makes me look at myself and realize how old I've gotten as well and how surreal it seems. I still remember being in 5th grade and having her barf on my hair while we were visiting my grandparents in Iowa. Good times.

She's come a long way from those days. She's a woman in the city. Remember this post? Its sort of the same, only with her now. She’s back in America, all grown up, and experiencing this whole new life for the first time and I’m glad I get to be a small part of it.

So that was Sunday. Oh- and we also had a ridiculous amount of food. We at at the Five Guys burger joint, followed by dessert at the Ghiradelli place (um or however you spell it) and, well, I think the list goes on from there.

It was around the time I finished my dessert that afternoon that I started to feel a little bummed.

Which is what I promised Will I wouldn’t do. He knows me so well. He made me promise not to get bummed out early and to enjoy every minute of my time with my mom and sister until the end. So- I tried to do that.

P and I walked around and she took me to “The Bean” (not the official name, but the one I’m pretty sure most people know it by). It was a nice walk, perfect weather, and really nice. Definitely a walk I appreciated and will tuck away in my little pocket of memories I want to keep forever (whatever that means...).

We had a quiet night in and watched TV and just hung out, which was nice. It’s those little things of doing “nothing” that you can sometimes miss the most when you’re away from your family.

Today came early and it was sad to say goodbye. I hope we’re all able to see each other soon, and I hate that we’re all so far away now. I guess that’s normal though, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it, right?

So here I am, back in Oklahoma (um, which is a far cry from Chicago, right?). It’s been a typical evening, followed by a typical (thankfully short) week, followed by a typical weekend.

It was nice to step out of the mundaneness for a while. I’m thankful for my trip.

And I’m also thankful for the Chicago pizza which will be arriving to my door Wednesday afternoon.

I’m off to watch TV with Will.

Happy Labor Day!