Well my friends its here again. Ramadan. 

If you’re too lazy to click the link as I normally am, Ramadan is a month long period of fasting during the day for all Muslims. Because we live in Kuwait we must respect these practices too. I found out last night not only eating, drinking, or chewing gum in public is forbidden- but also applying lip gloss! Isn’t that crazy!? I guess the reason why is because one is hydrating their lips or having a flavor on them and that sort of defeats the purpose of sacrifice. The lip gloss thing TOTALLY deserves its own post, however, since it is Ramadan I will be respectful of this rule and shut up. Thankfully, since I work on a military installation we are free to eat and drink during daylight hours.

And most importantly, apply lip gloss.

Whew!

The woman I share my office with, however, is Muslim and I have chosen to forego my usual 10:00 and 3:00 snacks out of respect to her. However, I will be drinking water in the office. She said she’d be fine with me eating, but I just don’t want to distract her. Although I do not believe as she does, I decided it would be the respectful thing to do. You’re extrememly hungry by the afternoon- not to mention unbelievably parched- and watching me eat hydrating fruit or veggies might just make her want to die. It will be interesting to share my office with this woman during Ramadan. I’ve never had to do that before.

Can I just say Ramadan Kareem!? (that basically means Happy Ramadan… I think)

From a totally non-religious standpoint, I enjoy Ramadan. The nights are so fascinating and cultural in Kuwait. Granted, the daylight hours are crappy because all the restaurants are closed (yeah! Isn’t that insane!? I wonder if the government provides money to food places during Ramadan since they’re required to be shut down during the day?? Hmmm) and you can’t meet up for lunch or have something delivered, but the nights are so interesting.

It starts out with the early evening right before the fast is broken, Iftahr (umm… not positive on the spelling so be merciful). The roads are desolate. It’s the weirdest thing because the roads are never empty. You could walk in the middle of what normally is the busiest road in Kuwait and probably be perfectly safe.

Right after the breaking of the fast, the restaurants, malls, and businesses open. Last night we went to Chilis and had our run of the place because we got there right when they opened. It was so weird and quiet! I wish you guys could spend a normal Kuwaiti weekend with me and then spend a Ramadan weekend with me. I simply can’t get my point across without you guys being here- so buy those tickets dang it!

A little after Iftahr, things start to become insane! It’s like the country awakens and all decides to go to the mall, or Chilis, or wherever you are at that moment. It becomes packed. So strange.

Last night Will and I were at the mall an hour after it opened and we had our run of the gammut. I told him I felt like we should roll ourselves up and down the walkways just because we could. He didn’t think that was a good idea. By the time we left, however, we wouldn’t have been able to roll (see!? We should have done it while we had the chance!) because it was crowded.

So that will be life for the next month. This is my third Ramadan, so hopefully by now I’m a pro at this- although I didn’t know about the freaking lip gloss rule until last night. I think that means I’m far from pro status.

Have a wonderful weekend all.

Ramadan Kareem!

I just got the most random email from my mother-in-law.

If you’ve read my blog for a long time you already know about her.

If you’re just joining, I’ll sum it up by saying she’s a lot like Amy’s mother in Everybody Loves Raymond. A whole lot like her. I swear she is daily escorted to Heaven on her lunch hour so that she can meet with God and assess the world’s events.

“Jenny, I’m thinking about making it rain in Djibouti. What do you think?” God asks.

Of course, my MIL concurs- afterall, it’s GOD!

Hmm, I wonder if they eat cucumber and feta salads? I bet they’re amazing.

Anyway, my MIL “guides” people a lot. She would never flat out say she thinks a person needs to do something, she will simply “guide” them, or say she “thinks” a person should do something a certain way.

I haven’t gotten an email from her in months (we talk on the phone once a week instead-YAY! ha ha). Then today I randomly get one a short one that says the expected, “It was so nice to have Will visit, etc.” However, 85% of this short letter was about how it’s so great Will has lost weight and she “hopes” (one of those guiding words) that he continues to lose weight because of the family history of diabetes, etc. She continues on with the little nudges saying, “It’s so important for Will to get the weight off now before any problems develop.”

I know with all my heart my sweet dear MIL means well with this letter. I truly know that.

However, I guess I’m just a little annoyed that it’s been months since we’ve emailed and the entire email I get is about Will’s fatness and need to lose weight.

Hmm

Maybe I should back track a little, because you’re probably reading this and thinking, “Grow up! It wasn’t that bad!”

and you’re right,

however, this issue has been ongoing thing with her.

Everytime we get together she “guides” me to cook healthier, not go out to eat as much, etc. I even got a Cooking Light subscription for my birthday (which by the way- I LOVE). I feel like she has blamed me for Will’s weight gain- which quite honestly is HILARIOUS because if you looked in our cupboards you might honestly go blind by all the healthy foods.

Yes. Blind.

I’m always in a bad mood when I’m at home and really needing something terribly inappropriate to eat- because we don’t have anything! Not one freaking ounce of chocolate, cookies (well, except south beach ones), or chips. I bought chocolate chips for the first time in ages last week.

Yep. I made Will gain weight. Uh huh. I forced lettuce wraps and pita sandwiches down his throat until he couldn’t hold anymore. I’d wait an hour so his stomach would settle and move on to round two, all the way until he was about to throw up. It was like a game we played.

Seriously! I really think she must think I have cupboards stacked full of vanilla frosting and teddy grahams, and that we eat frito chili pie for dinner each night.

I can’t control what Will eats outside of our house, but I can assure you that what he eats at home is healthy.

AND

(yes- AND)

Will has been doing AMAZING lately. I’ve never been prouder. I’ve been packing his lunch and he’s just gotten so disciplined. I think my MIL sees the weekend/vacationing side of us- which unfortuntely is quite different from our normal side.

But seriously- we can’t be blamed! They don’t have Taco Bueno in Kuwait! We HAVE to load up. It’s our duty!

Will is a grown man capable of making decisions on his own. It’s not my job to mother him and make him do things he doesn’t feel like doing. He already knows the risks of diabetes and that it runs in his family. He doesn’t need me constantly reminding him. It was Will finally making the decision on his own to get healthy, and I can assure you if it were me pestering him and nagging him about it it just would have driven him further away.

I really feel like going to the store and buying loads of corned beef, Costco sized bags of cheese, frozen pizzas, cheetos, gallon sized tubs of pudding, and a big fat fry daddy. Then, I want to strategically place them all over my kitchen and invite my MIL all the way from Oklahoma to our house for dinner one night.

Just for laughs.

She’d probably mutter (in her head, of course! Never out loud- remember? She eats lunch with God), “I knew it! I knew she was feeding Will to death!”

Ah, you gotta love spite (just kidding...kind of).

So that is today’s story.

Hmm, all of a sudden I’m really craving a big gooey chocolate-frosted brownie.

<3

Can my posts get any more boring!?! I swear!

Just a couple more and I promise I’m done boring you with what I had for lunch and all I did from 11:30-2:34. Seriously, I hate writing update posts as much you probably hate reading them but I figure here in a few years I will look back and cherish these days with P.

So- having said that! Let’s update!

Hmm, where did I leave off anyway?

Ah- Saturday morning.

P and I went to PQ for a light lunch. I got the warm goat cheese salad (freaking amazing!) and she got a quinona salad. We split this delicious mozzarella sandwich. It was just perfect.

The only way to make it any better was to have dessert- so that’s exactly what we did.

We went to The Chocolate Bar.

Oh

My

Freaking

Gosh.

Amazing.

That’s really all I can say.

P got a mini cake with this delicious white chocolate frosting, and I got a banoffee. I think it’s a British dessert. Truly, this event deserves a post all by itself, but since I failed to take a picture of our food this will have to do.

Afterwards we decided to up and take a half hour drive to Gloria’s, this beautiful furniture gallery. It’s full of amazing Arabic and Indian wood work. They have these beautiful huge wooden doors converted into coffee tables, headboards, dining room tables… it’s just so beautiful. After gazing at a million things we can’t afford, we headed back to P’s. She was getting together with some of her school friends, so I headed home soon after dropping her off. So that pretty much concluded my weekend. I went to the gym that night, had cereal for dinner… you know, the usual single girl stuff. I had the greatest time with P. I think this time together will be something I’ll hold close to my heart forever.

I talked to Will for a few minutes last night but it wasn’t all that great because he was driving to Tulsa and not only did we have a bad connection, but his whole family was in the car listening to him talk which seems awkward to me. He said he’d call me tomorrow, so hopefully that will be a little better and I’ll feel like I can talk to him.

P starts school tomorrow- her senior year! I’m going over to the house tonight for one last hurrah- only it has to be over early since she has to get up in the morning. Oh well, I’m sure we’ll manage to have a few hours of fun. The dogs have loved it, they’ve gotten to play with Molly the last few days. They even had a slumber party last night! Apparently they wreaked havoc on the house, though. My pups are sort of naughty, you see. I think poor P got stuck on poop patrol. Poor soul.

There’s just not a lot of funny pithy things to share other than my continual updates of life as a “single” girl. I figure I’ll go back to my regular, non-life updated posting this week.

Hope you enjoyed having today off. Enjoy it for me while I’m stuck at work.

More to come.

I’m sitting in Starbucks with my mom and dad while P gets her hair “Platinumized.”

This is my third time to go to Starbucks since last night at 11:00

And it’s not even 3:00 today.

I’m feel a little shaky right now.

Well, I saw Willy off last night which was a bit sad. After I gave him a big hug- (sans the kiss because of the crazy rules around here), we all went Starbucks- because, as you all know, there’s not much more that makes a girl feel better than an iced vanilla latte with 6 Sweet n Lows.

Oh- and a cannoli from Johnny Carinos.

P and I stayed up talking until about 12:30. It was nice to get to hang out and be with her.

Want to know a secret? I swear somtimes she’s the bigger sister. The girl is so travelled and wordly and interesting. I feel like a little kid sitting indian style on a round multi-colered carpet saying, “Tell me a story from you life!”

Anyway, I survived my first night and did okay. I practically suffocate poor Will at night, but I tried my hardest not to accidentally cuddle with P.

Ooh! Want to know a crazy side story?

When I was in high school I was on this youth trip and had to sleep with this adult sponor lady that came with us because we were all sharing hotels. Well, in the middle of the night I turned over and started spooning with her!

Oh my gosh- how freaking embarrassing. She totally freaked out. What can I say? I’m a nice girl.

Anyway, no accidental spooning incidents last night.

This morning I got up and my family all went to the beach club where they’re members. I used the gym facilities. It was weird working out with boys. I love my women’s gym because I feel like I “own it” when I’m working out. All the other ladies in there are pansies and I feel like I’m the only one that takes weight training seriously. Anyhow, I was proud of myself for “owning it” at the gym today, even with burly men around.

Okay, before I go on I have to ask you guys somehting. Why do we feel the need to tell the internet our ENTIRE business? I have no idea. It’s so strange.

Having said that, I weighed myself at the gym today and about died. I’ve never in my life been so heavy. I felt sick with myself. I know it’s just a number on the scale, and a lot of it is because of the muscle mass I’ve put on, but the number was staggering. I can still wear sizes that make me feel really good about myself, but seeing that number made my eyes pop out of my head. I guess what I really need to do is take a body fat test. I know I’ve gotten really solid over the past year, so I think that would put my mind at ease.

Anyway, after freaking out over the weigh-in, I nervously got into my swimming suit and went to the beach with P. We sat there for about 30 minutes but then I was miserable and sweating all over myself, so we agreed it was time to leave. It was 127 and not even 11:00! How freaking miserable. To beat the heat we went to Starbucks and got iced lattes.

Afterwards I went home, got cleaned up, and here I am, again, at Starbucks. When P gets done I’m not really sure what we’ll do. I desperately need to do shopping for summer clothes and all the malls are having incredible sales. My sister is also determined to take me out to eat at a place I normally wouldn’t go. Will and I are pretty boring and stick to Chilis, Hard Rock, etc. However, that’s mainly because he’s so picky. Tonight I’m up for something different.

I know this was probably boring to read, but I figured it would be good for me to chronicle this time without Will, and what better place to do that than my blog?

Ooh! Want to know something random that just triggered in my brain when I wrote “blog?”

I totally had a dream last night that someone I work with was reading my blog. I know of a couple people that do, but this was someone I didn’t know. How crazy I just now remembered that.

Anyway, today has been fun. I miss Will, but it’s nice to be able to spend time with my family too.

Will should be in the Big D tonight. He’s going to stay the night with his brother the vet, and his dad is going to meet them both down there. I hope he’s having a good time too. I’m sure he is. I’m off to check my email now. I’m hoping he was able to write while he was in Amsterdam. He “HAD” to check his fantasy football drafts, so I’m also hoping he was able to send me a hello as well.

So that’s about it. I hope you guys are doing well. I’ll be sure to keep my blog updated as I continue to bach it a while longer.

Have a good day, I wish you lots of smiles and Starbucks lattes.

<3

Okay- so I’m a little behind on my feedback but I promise to start catching up Saturday. PROMISE. Since I suck, I turned off comments today.

Before I begin I also have to give some serious love to Dawn, Jenny, Angela , Rustilyn, and Alicia. Knowing you girls would hold my hair back?… well that’s just love.

Isn’t it funny how close we can feel to people we’ve never met? Most would say that’s weird, but I think most of us that “talk” through this venue on a constant basis know it’s not weird at all.

Well, to give you an update, I’m holding strong. The streak remains unbroken. I think my stomach must be made of steel. No throwing up. Unfortunately the yucks have more than made up for the no puking (Ahahaha- when I went back and read that post I totally busted up about needing a t-shirt that said “I Did My Duty In An Army Bathroom.” so classic). This seems to be an annual thing every summer here. Hmm- I wonder if it has something to do with the summer? Yes, August has made me sick.

weird.

Want to know how messed up I am? Will and I were talking about what we wanted to do for dinner last night since we were sick. Will was all, “I think I’m going to have a few Saltines and that’s it.”

I’m all, “I want a pizza!”

Ha ha. I eat healthy all freaking week and dang it, I want something “bad” on Wednesday night. I’ll deal with the repercussions later.

No pizza. Saltines. It proved to be a good decision because even those didn’t work out too well.

***

Well, my family is back in Kuwait, so that’s good news. Before Will and I got sick we decided we would surprise them and pick them up at the airport. That proved to be a bad decision since we were sick, but it was too late to change the plans. We picked them up around 11:00 and took them home. Most normal people throw their bags on the floor and go to bed, but not my family. My dad was so proud of his Genuine Leather video. Will and I were there until almost 1:00 watching! It was cute. He was so excited to show us.

***

As you can see, nothing really exciting to share.

Off to the gym.

Much like the pizza, this is probably a decision I will regret.

The place: Chilis, Friday afternoon

As an accompaniment to his meal, Will ordered the skillet queso and ate that along with a house sald. I simply stole a few chips. Okay, okay, there’s no use lying to you guys. I pretty much ate half his chips. Anyway, I also ate an entire quesidilla (or however you spell it. No Habla Espanol. Hmm- or however you spell that too.)Explosion Salad. Seriously, nothing was left on the plate. If you never seen it- it’s huge. It could feed your whole family for three days.

After our meal, Will and I got down to the real reason we came- dessert. He loves the molten chocolate cake. Upon receiving our dessert the following conversation took place.

Will- I love this dessert.

Brittny- Yeah, it’s good, but it’s not my favorite.

Will- Are you kidding? This is the best dessert ever.

Brittny- Eh. It’s good.

...About 3 Bites Later…

Will- I’m full. I can’t go on.

Brittny- What!? You can’t leave 75% of “The best dessert ever” lonely on the plate! You know I hate when people leave a perfectly good dessert on their plate. (grumble) I guess I have to eat the stupid thing myself.

I move the plate in front of me and proceed to finish Will’s lousy job. I’m concentrating and methodical as I take one for the team, totally focused and into this dessert. A marching band could have passed by, along with Orlando Bloom and a chest full of a million dollars and I probably wouldn’t have noticed.

Brittny- (annoyed) I would much rather try something else sometimes, but I share this with you out of love- and you don’t even help me out! The things I do for you. I don’t even really like this as much as you do, you know!

Will- (snort) Ha- you could have fooled me!

We had a good laugh and I let it slide… but girls- did he just call me fat!?

Sigh. Can’t a girl eat cake in peace?

So I’m pretty much a freaking idiot moron.

I’m busy as CRAP and am taking time to post. Hmmm…

Anyway-

I should be sitting at an emergency dental clinic right now, but instead I’m harnassed to a crappy desk chair pumping Red Bull through an IV to keep me going.

I’m totally shaking right now. Maybe I should lower the dosage.

I think I’m way too committed to my job.

Seriously.

I know I’ve mentioned it before, but I have TMJ. I’ve had it for a few years now. The last few weeks, though, it’s gotten bad. Today, however, was the worst. I was on my way to work and yawned- and got stuck. I was totally freaking out! I had to carefully move my jaw closed. It totally sucked. Then it felt all out of place and “grindy.” It felt wrong. I can barely open my mouth right now. Yeah- I’m real effective today. Did I mention I also had to lead a freaking meeting? I was like Monotone Girl today.

I think that should have been my cue to get in the car and go to the freaking dentist.

Ha- why would I do that when I can bask in the 126 degree heat and receive 142 emails today all about different “HOT” items that

MUST

BE

DONE

YESTERDAY!

AGHAHAH!!!

Anyway, who can resist that, right!? So I came in anyway.

I did, however, make an appointment for tomorrow night. The thought of going to a dentist in Kuwait makes me want to cry, but the lady I spoke with informed me this dentist was trained in America. In fact, when I called to make the appointment I taIked directly to him. His English is amazing. It made me feel a lot better. I wish I could fast forward time because quite honestly, I’m going to become immune to Aleve and Red Bull if it doesn’t come soon. I might have the shakes for the next 3 weeks.

I also had a mega huge coffee as lunch.

Can I just say liquid diets SUCK? Please, God, please allow me to eat! Man cannot live on liquid alone.

So, say a prayer for me. I need it. I hope the dentist is like, “hey! you’re just in time! We just invented a miracle pill that will make it all better in 3 minutes!”

I can wish, right?

Until then, Monotone Lady is heading back to her pile of work.

More to come…

Crap.

That is what you’re being provided today.

I had this nice long post typed out. I left to go to a meeting and when I came back to post- my stupid session had timed out.

It was the best post I’ve ever written. Ever! It could never be recreated.

So now it’s just time to give you crap. Random crap at that. Let’s get started.

My mom, dad, and sister are enjoying a wonderful vacation back in the states right now.

My dad has his big high school reunion- where his old high school band is going to jam out to a few oldies! I so wish I could see this. My dad is a great drummer. I even bought him personalized drum sticks for father’s day that had his old band’s name on them. I don’t know if he’ll use them, though. He said he didn’t want to mess them up.

They’re also going to the Mall of A-freaking-merica! I’m so jealous. Not only that, but they’re also going to visit colleges for my baby sister P. Can you believe that!? She’s old enough to look for colleges now. I need cake.

No. I’m not bitter. Not bitter at all. Why would I be bitter about the fact that I’m stuck here in the Lake of Fire while my parents are living it up back home? That’s silly! Thankfully, my mounting Wal-Mart list is helping me sleep at night. It’s nice to have personal shoppers!

Oh- and they took Molly. Apparently they think that not only Will and I make sucky parents for a human child, but we’re so bad at parenting our own dogs that they wouldn’t leave theirs with us for a few measly weeks.

I swear I only lock them in the closet every other Sunday!

They said they like having her around and they didn’t want us to have our hands full. They’re lying guys, I know it. So, no Molly. Poor Boz and Lucy.

I think I’ll have to console myself with a piece of cake.

Speaking of! I’ve got a birthday boy in my house this week! Will is turning 27. I think we’re both more excited about the cake than the birthday. Then again, that’s pretty much life in general.

Will made me promise that since there are no parents in country we do whatever he wants. No obligatory dinners, no chores, no appointments- just fun. Or laziness. Whatever the case, I’m really looking forward to this weekend. Lord knows I need one after my sad night at the Steakhouse last week , and then the big double date the night after (that might need to be a seperate post). I need cake because of that too. I’ll be sure to take one for the team and consume an extra piece for all you lovelies out there.

Okay, since I’ve been droning on about cake (and every other boring facet in my life) I guess I should talk about the gym. I started a new program and I’m so excited about it! I was looking forward to it the whole way to the gym. I’m a creature of habit and if someone didn’t change something up for me every few months I’d still be stuck doing the same thing I did last year. I fear some of it is easier than what I was doing before, but hopefully I’m wrong. I worked my legs, triceps, and abs last night. My triceps are sore today, and I have a feeling my legs may be sore tomorrow, but I don’t think it will be too bad- I hope. If you’re interested let me know and I’ll post what I was doing before and what I’m doing now. It’s good stuff! It keeps all that cake from attaching itself to my entire body. Ha, the crowd rushes to request workout ideas...not!

What else?

Today Will ran into a soldier we went to church with a few years ago! What a small world, huh? I always wonder if we’ll see someone we know. I told Will he’d have to take the guy out to lunch one day. You know, to one of the many “fancy” restaurants we have on a military installation.

Want to know something weird? I think I’m afraid of my inbox. I would rather have a pile of work next to my inbox than to have it inside. I’m not quite sure why. All I know is that it makes me weirder than I thought. Seriously, I have two little piles going on right now and then a few things in my inbox- all which do not require my response or attention.

I did tell you this was crap, right?

On another random note, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today. I really want to have a crown in Heaven. I know that might sound silly and rather ambitious, but the book I’m reading has been talking about it and it’s helped me to remember life is a lot longer than the 75 years on this Earth.  It makes wonder if I’ll have a crown to lay at God’s feet.

See, I have short-timers syndrome. I can barely look ahead to next week let alone eternity. As dumb as this sounds, I sometimes forget my life goes beyond this short time on earth. Sure, I know that, but I forget that my life is bigger than what I think it is. It’s not just about punching in for work, going to sleep, and doing it all over again. It’s about a whole lot more!

That’s been my deep thought for the day. Well, my deep thought tightly condensed for a post entitled “Crap.”

Other than my vacation jealousy, there’s just not a whole lot going on in my life right now other than work. No babies, no looming babies, no vacations, and no other exciting news of note. Because of that, I think I need some cake.

Back to freaking cake! Don’t you love how my post always circles back to food?!

Will requested a Baskin Robbins cake for his birthday this year. He did me proud. Last year it was browines. Brownies!?! Who wants brownies on their birthday!? Not only that- but brownies with no frosting!

I think he wanted to hurt me.

This year, however, he’s more than made up for it. We will be having a chocolate cake with World Class Chocolate ice cream and chocolate frosting. My teeth hurt just thinking about it. Don’t tell his trainer though, okay?

P promised me she would read my blog while she was away, so I told her I’d give her a shout out every now and then, so that is how I shall end this post.

Private to P: Miss P, I love you! I hope you’re having a good vacation. You better write me. If you don’t I will hunt you down and make you do something crazy- like a pizza roll commercial. Ahahaha.

Crap. I miss her.

I need some cake. : )

There are two things Will made me promise him before we got married:

1. That I would never buy cheap toilet paper

2. That I would never buy cheap peanut butter

I did some figuring today and the way I see it, we’ll be spending an extra $5,000 during our lifetime to ensure this promise remains true. That’s not even factoring in inflation or the fact that we might have kids one day or have visitors over. What… that’s got to bring it up a least another $1,000, right?

$6,000.

$6,000 for fancy toilet paper and name brand peanut butter.

The things we do for love.

There’s something about a slutty dessert, shamelessly displayed in all supermarkets and menus across the world, that gets me all hot and bothered.

The dinner ends, and (as usual) I am still certain I can put away more than what I’ve just eaten (that’s all thanks to specific satisfaction-or some crap like that. It has to do with how your brain can tell your body it’s full of one item, but still be hungry for another. See? Now you have an excuse to eat dessert for the rest of your life.). Getting the dessert menu, holding it in my hands. Carefully paying attention to all the lustfully written descriptions, and finally eyeing the perfect dessert and deciding, “You. Tonight I want you.” Then anticipating the moment when the server finally presents me with what I had anxiously desired all evening. In the words of our dear- and ever so slightly disturbed- friend Paris Hilton, “That’s Hot.”

I’ve always had a love affair with desserts. Don’t worry, Will has known for a while. He’s done all he can, but has come to accept the fact that he is married to a woman with two loves.

Aside from a few things such as Orlando Bloom, black Range Rovers, cold rainy days, and Will- desserts might just be the sexiest freaking things on earth.  I mean really- can anything get a person fired up like a Godiva Cheesecake?! I think not.

Today, I was faced with a temptation that was much too hard to resist. I went into the PX to buy a box of Wheat Thins- because, as I mentioned before, I walk around with a box under my arms at all times:

Blow drying my hair,

Petting Boz and Lucy,

Showering (I hang one arm outside the curtain)…

I’m getting off track.

Anyway- I went in to get a box of Wheat Thins. As I strolled down the aisle. I saw them. Suzy Qs.

My mom craved them throughout her pregnancy with me, and for some reason there seems to be this odd innate mechanism inside of me that must drop my whole world to the ground and have a Suzy Q anytime I can actually find them.

See, I’ve never been able to find any in Oklahoma. I’m not sure why. Maybe because of all the porn laws or something- Suzy Qs are quite racy, you know. Every know and then I could find them at the Wonder Bread outlet my town had (and then freaking closed), but not always. Finding a Suzy Q in Oklahoma USA is like trying to find an umbrella in Kuwait .

But there it was, glossy clear wrapped with little smudges of cream protruding from the sides. Sitting on the rack, calling to me. I start panicking because I know the consequences of eating a Suzy Q- 440 calories and a pudgy stomach for the rest of the day- not to mention creme filling all over my face and nubby little fingers.

I quickly looked away and thought to myself, “No, Brittny. You musn’t (Yes- I actually said musn’t).” I walk further down the aisle, but they kept drawing me in. Staring me down. Suffocating me in the aisle. I grabbed two boxes of Wheat Thins and started my trek down the aisle, trying to avoid the Suzy Qs at all costs, but them some crazy force just came over me and before I knew it “swish!” my arm had taken control of the rest of my body and just snatched a package before I could even say, “Arm! What the crap do you think you’re doing!?!”

It was too late, I couldn’t refuse the Suzy Q now. I was already involved. I had to finish what I had started. I made my purchase and headed to the car. I went with a coworker, but she wasn’t finished. I sat in the car all alone with the AC blowing and decided:

It was time.

Eating a Suzy Q- or just about any dessert for that matter- is a very calculated thing for me. It’s crucial to appreciate every single moment you’re involved in the act. It was a million degrees, I was sweating all over myself and didn’t seem to mind. I looked around to be sure one could interrupt this ceremonial occassion. The coast was clear.

I gently unwrapped the package and ate every last bite of my Suzy Q- using surgeon-like hands and being extra attentive to every single smudgy piece of the cake. Surprisingly enough, I didn’t even make a mess. I almost always have crumbs ground into my shirt and, as I mentioned before, creme filling smeared everywhere. The fact that I had accomplished a perfectly non-messy eating of my Suzy Q just drove home the point that I was in face supposed to have one today. To put it bluntly- we were created for each other.

Yes, I admit it. Dessert eating borderlines a sexual encounter. Ha, although I wouldn’t go as far as this like Will does and OU football!

Sigh, I wish I had more time to discuss this matter. I have about 10 more paragraphs I feel the need to write. However, I must leave you now. I suppose I’ll save my food theories for another time. I’ve awakened your senses enough for one day.

This afternoon was fan-freaking-tastic. All because of a Suzy-Q.

Now all I have to do is manage to burn an extra 440 calories today. That will be fun. Oh the repercussions of lusty haste.

I’m off to enjoy my weekend (and hopefully some good dessert too!).