Tomorrow is the first day at my new job.

The job that brought us half way around the world.

(yeah, no pressure, right)

I seriously feel the need to throw up all over myself

and then cry

and then maybe vomit some more.

I hate new things. I am so nervous, and- as previously stated- I have this deep rooted desire to relentlessy blow into a paper bag,

and then puke all over my brand new black shiny heels.

Well- scratch the shoe pukage.

But seriously- I’m that knoted up.

Why can’t I work with you guys!?!

Uh- probably because output would be minimal.

Yeah, that’s why I have to go to a real job I guess.

Say a prayer for me. It would totally suck to lose my Kashi Go Lean Crunch all over my new boss’ desk.

(ew sidenote: how gross would it be to vomit Kashi!? And then multiply the Awful Factor by about 135 because of the fact that you did it on a desk. That belongs to your boss. Oh guys- I’m totally not making myself feel better.)

Alright, so here I go. Entering the workforce in America.

Off to work…

Oh and PS- you’ll never guess in a million years what happened.

We got the house.

Yes.

THE House.

Yep- remember in my last post how I said it was going to haunt the other buyers? Uh, well it must have. We got it. Long story. Hopefully I’ll get to share it with you guys soon. I’m so excited though! More to come…

Oh and PPS- I totally started commenting on blogs this weekend! Yay me! I have about 5 million I still need to catch up with, but hey. Baby steps.

<3

My Last Full Day in Kuwait

We got up relatively early yesterday.

I showered, got ready, ate toast with P, and hung around my parent’s house. Around 9:45 my mom dropped me and P off at The Avenues so we could spend some gift cards. Our mission was to find me work clothes and P a gold bracelet to wear to prom.

H&M was the first stop where I attempted to do damage- only I couldn’t find much. I found one dress for 5 KD, but when I tried to pay for it with my 10 KD gift card they totally freaked out. Apparently you can’t just use part of a gift card in this country- it’s all or nothing. I bantered back and forth, got mad, and left. Repeat the above incident with the next 2 stores and my frustration level was through the roof. We did some more browsing and I began to get discouraged. I couldn’t find anything.

We finally stopped in Debenham’s and I found so many beautiful outfits. I found a dress, a top, a swimsuit, and a ring for 50 KD (the exact amount of my gift cards). I went to pay, expecting no trouble this time, only to have the assistant manager come to me and ask where I got these gift cards. I told him I got them as a gift. He excused himself for a moment and then came back to tell me I couldn’t use the cards because there was no issuing store written on the back. Apparently it made it look like I had stolen the gift cards.

At this point I was livid. “I can’t use these gift cards because someone wasn’t efficient at their job? I might as well have lit 50 KD on fire!”

“Come back tomorrow madam and we will try to track down where this code was issued.”

“I’m flying out tomorrow.”

“No- just come back tomorrow, no worries.”

“I’m flying OUT tomorrow. I’m not coming back.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah- so am I!”

P and I took off- and I was extremely pissed from that point on. Oh the fun of living in Kuwait. Nothing is ever easy.

We decided it was time for lunch after the whole gift card fiasco. P decided it was time to expand my tastes, so it was Indian food at Asha’s. I wasn’t ready for curry, so I stuck with something fairly simple and really liked it. Don’t ask me what it was, though. Something with cottage cheese and mustard and vegetables- all with a fancy Hindi title of course. We talked about college, and what my life will be like at home. We talked about travel and food, and all the reasons I shouldn’t move to America.

After Asha’s we did some more browsing, stopped at a pharmacy, and headed home. We didn’t do too much after that. Will and my dad came home from our apartment with the last of the stuff we planned to ship. We just lounged around the house for a few hours and looked for houses Will and I could buy back home. After while, my mom decided to take me back to the mall so I could get the clothes I had tried to buy earlier. She paid, and assured me she would get the whole gift card thing settled once I left. I told her to use them to buy herself something nice, since she had just purchased clothes for me. I hope she does.

By then it was time for dinner. We decided to do Casper and Gambini’s one last time for good measure. I’m glad we did.

Streams of Consciousness

After dinner, we just sat around the house. P and I looked at stuff online- I think she was trying to cheer me up. My disposition began to decline as the evening continued. My heart began to feel heavy, and after 3 weeks of rushing and stressing and worrying, it finally began to sink in that this was my last night in Kuwait. That my time was done and I was going to have to go back to a place that, in all honesty, I don’t want to go. P tried so hard to be positive and tell me all the great and wonderful things I had to look forward to, yet none of them seemed to make me stop hurting.

P seems to be the only person that gets that. Everyone else thinks I’m crazy for feeling the way I do- I mean- why wouldn’t I want to go back home? As P and I discussed last night, it’s because I have two “homes” now. So many people don’t understand that.

I dread the thought of returning to a place where minds are so closed. Where life doesn’t exist anywhere else outside of people’s tiny fenced in houses. Where people don’t have entirely different lives across an ocean that seems to grow smaller as each year passes. The truth is that there is this huge sky out there that envelops this whole big world that goes on when we’re sleeping or working or eating. Far bigger than those backyard fences.

I know I’m being totally stereotypical. I realize so many people value and realize life outside of their own egocentric happenings. The trouble is that where I’m going, life is so small. Minds are so closed. I’m so different than I was 3 years ago, so much better, and I dread returning to a place and it being just like it was when I left it. Will likes that. I guess that’s what makes it “home.” He’s so lucky, and since I’m being honest with you guys, I envy his excitement. Why can’t I just be happy and excited about this change?

One reason is that I don’t handle change well. At all. Life here is what I know now. It’s normal and comfortable. I’m scared to move home. The other reason is that this all happened so fast. We were supposed to have a “transition out plan” where I could prepare myself to leave. Where I could get myself ready for all these things I’m feeling right now. Also- moving wasn’t supposed to be hard! I always knew there would be an end date to our time here, but it seemed so far away, and I always imagined it being an easy tie to cut. Another thing is that I’ve been around my family my entire life. They’ve always been near, and now they’re a once a year trip away. I know people live their lives like this all the time, but again, I always imagined them being close. The thought of them being so far away brings tears to my eyes.

If I told you I was ready to start this new chapter in my life, I’d be lying. I’m ready because I know, without a doubt, it’s God’s will for us to return to the states. However, although I know that in my soul, the rest of me seems to be in argument. Obedience isn’t always easy, right? Why couldn’t I have an easy lesson!? This has been the biggest test and move of faith in my entire life, and certainly the most painful thus far. I just want things to be like they were before. They didn’t hurt then.

My heart seems so full of emotions but for some reason I can’t verbalize how I feel. So- I won’t continue to try. I just wanted to write so (hopefully) 3 more years from now I’ll look back, laugh at myself, and say, “Oh Brittny, if you only knew how life was going to turn out!”

I hope that’s what happens.

So I bid this amazing adventurous chapter in my life farewell and trade it in for the slow lane. There are so many things I won’t miss about Kuwait, but far more that I will. This place has made me a much better person, and I’m so thankful for my time here. I don’t know what lies ahead, but I know I’ll be okay. I just wish it didn’t hurt to walk away.

<3

See you in America…

A little over 3 years ago, Will got in his car and began the long drive across town.

He was about to sit his parents down and tell them we would be moving across an ocean- and not only that, but we also planned to live there for quite a while.

The whole time he was gone, my stomach was in knots. I prayed the entire time- and cleaned incessantly. When Will returned home he told me about the conversation with his parents. It obviously was full of his mother’s tears, and awkward silence, but it was over. Officially done.

Just a few short weeks later, Will and I were sleeping on our bedroom floor and recounting memories of the house we would soon be leaving. It was emotional, but at the same time exciting. I couldn’t wait to leave Oklahoma and begin a new chapter in our lives. I couldn’t wait to be reunited with my family and lead a whole new life in Kuwait.

I felt so many different things as we drove away from our house that last time. So many questions, wonders, and uncertainties. We simply drove off trusting God to take care of us and unsure about all the details the future would hold for us.

It’s so hard to believe that this week marks 3 years since Will and I bid our life in Oklahoma goodbye. In some ways it seems like yesterday, but in other ways it feels like an eternity. I have truly learned to call Kuwait home, and I truly enjoy living here. I’m comforted by the prayer calls that sing me to sleep each night, and unalarmed by the ladies garbed in all black. I’m no longer shocked when the scorching summer heat takes my breath away, or when it’s raining mud. This has become my life. It’s incredibly normal to me. As odd as it sounds, I have grown comfortable with a place not my own. A place that worships a different god than mine, and a place that does not value so many things that I value. I know it seems as though such things are contradictions, yet at the same time they make so much sense to me.

The thought of saying goodbye makes me heart hurt, though I’ve known along it was something I would have to do one day. I just never knew I would grow attached to this place, and that’s what makes it so hard.

I resigned today.

I think I hurt my dad’s feelings today and I hate that.

I didn’t hurt them by saying something or intentionally doing something stupid, yet I know I left with him feeling sad as I got out of the car from our lunch date today. He was positive, yet quiet, and I know a lot was on his mind.

As I got out of the car I just felt like crying and hiding in my bed forever. What a strange feeling for a grown woman, but that’s what I felt. I just wanted God to be wrong or come from behind the corner in some awful leisure suit and be like, “Ahahaha, gotcha Brittny! This is all going to go away- and for being such a good sport you win an NIV copy of the book of James!”

Wait, I retract the leisure suit comment. God totally has good taste in clothes, right?

Anyway- I just felt so bad having to be courageous today.

My heart hurts because I know more sadness may be on the way and I just hate it guys, I really hate it.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I have lots and lots to talk about. Sorry I’ve been MIA this week. More to come soon.

PS- Remember the whole “you have to move out of your apartment because we’re remodeling and oh by the way since you have dogs you can’t come back” issue? Yeah, well, we’re moving this weekend. Right next door. Very exciting yet at the same time a little melancholy.

Love you guys. I promise- a real post soon! Blame my boss.

oh and PPS- I was totally about to name this post My Sad Dad- but it just made me laugh so much because it rhymed and I felt as though I shouldn’t have a freaking hilarious rhyming title for something sort of sad. Just had to throw that in to make you guys smile. <3

After days of talks, weeks of misery, and months of frustration Will and I decided he will not renew his contract this coming May.

I’m sorry- do you need me to pick you up off the floor?

Wave a Snickers Bar under you nose to jolt you back to reality?

I don’t know how to properly begin this post because there are times in which I think I will be writing similar “life altering” posts like this one in the near future, so I don’t really know what to say aside from I feel sort of all over the place.

So up and down.

Like I just ate a bunch of Texas-Sized chili cheese fries and got on the Titan rollercoaster at Six Flags.

I feel good that I can honor Will and support him by “allowing” him not to renew. At the same time it’s got me stressed about the future too.

Are we going?

Are we staying?

What’s going to happen next?

I would hate it if we moved.

I would love it if we moved.

Like I said- all freaking over the place.

I think it’s pretty obvious that since he’s quit, staying in Kuwait is not going to remain a long-term goal any longer (unless of course something really good comes available in Kuwait outside of where I am working now).

Guys, want some insight to my heart?

I honestly have no idea how I feel.

There are times when I miss America and the regular everyday life we don’t have here, but there are so many things I love about the situation we’re in right here, right now in Kuwait.

Back in 2005, when we first moved here, I had a hard time adjusting to things here. Soon after arriving, I compiled a 10 page list of things I missed about home- a list I still have. I pulled it out the other day and it made me realize that I really do miss home. Whenever I read it I can’t get through it without tears. However, I could easily write the same list about things I love and would miss about life in Kuwait.

I feel so confused and torn. Kind of like Sabrina. Do you remember that movie? That’s where I got my first kiss- at Sabrina. Anyway, Sabrina was forced to choose between two men- both of which were great. What a predicament right? I guess I can empathize with Sabrina on some level. I know no matter where we are we’ll find happiness, but at the same time my heart hurts to think about change.

Change.

That is a hard thing for me to deal with at times. I guess it’s the reality of change. I’ve known all along Kuwait was a temporary trip, not our home. I knew that when we first got here- but I had no idea how attached I would become to my life here. Oh Sabrina- why can’t you help me!?

I am trusting God so much to reveal his plans for me. I have been looking for jobs in the States and my prayer is that if we’re supposed to move home than he will work out the details. I may apply to a job or two in Kuwait, but I’m primarily focusing on jobs back home right now. We had only planned to stay 3 years all along, but during our stay we got comfortable and lost sight of that plan. In my heart I wonder if the Lord is creating these waves of change and our restlessness because he knows we’ll just sit here and stay for 3more years if He doesn’t move us some way.

We told my parents and that was hard. They’ve been really supportive so that’s good. It’s just sad because we all know now that the clock is ticking on our time here. I don’t like to think about all that stuff just yet since I’m sort of putting the cart before the horse already, but it does seem as though God might be moving us home sooner than we were ready. Although- are you ever really ready for such big changes??

So that’s my big news. Well sort of big news. We’re still here and unsure about where God may take us right now. Just keep us in your prayers and I will definitely keep you guys updated on where we’re headed whether it’s Timbuktu or Tulsa! Ha ha

<3

Thanks for all your kind words and prayers the other day. Will’s dad was taken out of ICU and is now in the cardiology center of the hospital. He will still be there a few more days, but it’s been a blessing to know he’s breathing on his own and is expected to make a full recover. Thanks again, I appreciated your thoughtfulness. 

It’s so funny how on my wedding day I felt as though I could never love or know you more than I did that very instant,

but as each year passes us by that love grows so much stronger.

I love you so much. Thank you for all you do and the sacrifices you make for us.

Every time I look at this picture it brings me back to the day we were in Jordan, and what a wonderful trip that was for me. We look so happy there. It’s one of my favorite memories. It reminds me that even though things are tough sometimes, I’m always safe in your arms.

Happy Anniversary.

Love,

Britter

PS- Happy Anniversary T2 <3

It’s one of those times where there are are a lot of things that could be said, but I won’t try to say any of them.

Instead I say we will miss you, Brett.

Will and I had a wonderful time freezing our butts off and watching you play. It was a rite of passage (mostly for Will, but I guess me too...) watching you at the Frozen Tundra.

We ate breakfast at Perkins that morning. Will got the eggs benedict (this is where he fell in love with eggs benedict) and I got pancakes so I could try 50 different kinds of syrup. Then we went to K-Mart to get me a scarf that ended up not keeping me warm at all. We went to the gift shop next to the stadium and the Packers Hall of Fame, where we watched a documentary on the Green Bay Packers.

I don’t remember much after that. I think we went back to the hotel to watch the Colts game before heading to the stadium to eat dinner- where it froze before we could finish it (literally). For some crazy reason Will thought it was proper to eat dinner in the open stadium as part of the “experience.” I must say, frozen chicken strips and cheese curds aren’t all that great.

Oh- and by the way- for all my lovely bloggy ladies, this story is probably somewhere in my December 2005 archives, if you care. I know you ladies love Packer football (ha ha).

Anyway, you and the Pack were having an awful season that year, and I think you only ended up winning 3 games all season or something terrible like that. Thankfully, we watched you win- in overtime. It was freezing- a bitter cold. I think it was -13 with the wind chill. I was so ready to leave, but looking back, it was a pleasure to watch you play. I only wish we could have seen one more.

You will be missed.

Well friends, this is the weekend in which Will and I will hideout in our apartment as often as possible and simply lay low. It’s National and Liberation Day in Kuwait, and guys- it’s freaking insane.

Alright, let me get all 10th grade English report on you guys for a second-

National Day is on the 25th.  The short of this holiday is that from the 16th through the 20th century Kuwait was part of the Ottoman Empire. In the mid 1700s the Al Sabah lineage founded Kuwait (and the Al Sabah family still rules today). Kuwait was a British Protectorate until 1961 when Kuwait became an independent state. So, to sum it up- National Day is sort of like Kuwait’s 4th of July.

Liberation Day is on the 26th. This holiday is to commemorate the liberation of Kuwait from Iraqi occupation in 1991.

Two major holidays back to back. Oh- and did I mention my sister has the whole freaking week off of school for these two holidays?! I’ve also been told starting tomorrow, the banks will be closed until Wednesday. Craziness I tell you. The whole place shuts down.

This will be my 3rd National and Liberation Day weekend and I’m sure, just like every year before, it will be insane. It becomes out of control in Kuwait pretty much from tonight until Wednesday. The streets and highways are heavily crowded with people hanging out of their cars with Kuwaiti flags, spraying silly string onto other cars, and driving even crazier than normal. Gulf Road, one of the most popular streets in Kuwait, is at a continual stand still. In fact, I don’t know why they just don’t shut it down to cars that weekend. It’s beyond chaos. Our company always advises us to stay home this weekend just because it’s so crazy.

I have to say, though, I wish we were the same way about our Independence Day.

I mean, imagine the camaraderie we would feel celebrating in such a jubilant fashion with people we’ve never met. What a way to bring a nation together, you know? Even though it’s a bit frightening here, I envy their patriotism and zeal and ability to make such a big deal about their love for their country.

This may sound crazy to you guys, but I feel like America has become such a politically correct society these days to the point where it’s almost wrong to feel excessive passion for one’s country. I mean, sure wear a tiny pin on your jacket lapel, put a bumper sticker on your car, but under no circumstances ever get excited- and I mean seriously thrilled and excited- to love and live in America.

Really guys, when is the last time you’ve seen thousands of strangers basically shut down a street, blare music, and totally show pride simply to be an American? Ha- granted, I’m pretty sure we have some ordinances that outlaw silly stringing while driving, and I would never advocate dangerous driving activities, but I think you get my drift. I mean, even a soccer game can unite a whole country. Granted, soccer is no American football (ha ha), and things are set up differently in the States, but I ramble all of these thoughts to say I totally love seeing the patriotism of other countries and I wish we would be just as aware of the greatness it is to be an American.

I seriously feel like we’re the JV cheer squad and are sitting on the bleachers watching all the cake-faced, tight pony tailed Varsity girls spout off all their cheers to perfection. I mean, sure we know all the cheers, but we’re just sitting back and letting all the big kids show their stuff. GUYS! America knows the cheers too! We know spirit fingers! We can totally do spirit fingers! We INVENTED spirit fingers!

Living abroad has definitely been such a great experience for me and has given me the chance to see such differences between live back home and life in another country. It has also made me thankful for where I come from.

So, in closing I love and loathe this weekend. I must admit, though, I’m a little envious of P. She’s skipping out to go to NYC for a few days- and she’ll be celebrating her 18th birthday there! Isn’t that crazy!? I guess I’ll save that post for next week. In the meantime I guess I’ll hold down the fort.

I hope you all are doing well and having a great week. More to come, and happy Liberation Day and National Day to Kuwait!

Come on America- show those spirit fingers.

I must premise this post with a big: Hang With Me, Friends.

This post is going to be here, and there, and up, and down, and- well- you get the point.

Just hang with me. You’ll be happy you did (well, maybe you won’t, but I will be happy you did, and that counts for something, right?).

After work Friday I went to a baby shower for my friend “Ethel.” Do you guys remember her? It’s been a while since I’ve posted about her. Anyway, I had a lovely time and it was good to see her.

After the baby shower I headed over to P’s. Remember? We were going to have a big date night and I was going to try sushi for the first time! We went to The Avenues Mall and ate dinner at Maki. Guys- Maki is where I broke my sushi virginity. P was so cool about the whole thing. She didn’t laugh when I looked like a complete moron with chopsticks, and she was really discreet about teaching me the correct way to hold them-again, and again, and again. By the way- those things are painfully impossible to master on the first try. I looked like such a weirdo. P was so patient and really helped me figure it out. Unfortunately, everything went into short term memory and I have since forgotten, but darnit- for those 30 minutes I was Master Brittny.

We had the best time- once I got over the moronic chopstick issue, of course. We had an array of sushi and guys- I did great! I was really proud of my braveness. We had this amazing sushi with sweet potatoes and rice… it was so good. Obviously much safer than the salmon I had. It was good too, and I’m glad I did it. I promised P another night of sushi in which I would be even more adventurous than I was that night. She’s convinced I need to try eel. We’ll see. It was actually good and I felt healthy afterwards, not disgusting like I do when we go to must restaurants. Well- I should backtrack- I felt healthy until we went to go for dessert. Yeah, it was all over after that.

You couldn’t end a girl’s night of fun just on sushi- right? Of course not! So- we had to end the night with chocolate, and there’s no better place for chocolate in Kuwait than The Chocolate Bar. See? I told you guys we have real food here. You seriously need to click on this link. For some reason some of the best desserts aren’t on the site… oh well. You’ll just have to take my word!

That place is simply amazing. There are no words to describe the edification brought from a huge chocolate-y dessert.

After our gluttonous night, I took P home. On the way to my house I started to feel sad. Really sad- and it wasn’t just because I was feeling fat! P and I have been together for almost 18 years. We’ve rarely been apart. I began to think about how hard it will be to let go, and to be separated by an ocean and it really began to make my heart hurt.

As I drove home I also thought about Will and how he must feel that way about his family back home. I began to feel bad for all the little daily things we’ve missed in their lives that are generally quite trivial, but things that seem to add up after a whole year of missing such things.

And so, the wheels of my mind began to turn…

If you’re around me for very long it won’t take long before you hear about my beloved “dream vacation.” It seems to be to be a topic that has consumed my mind as of late. After taking Will’s dream trip to the Super Bowl, it was only fitting that I begin to think about when it would be my turn. It’s been a thought that has occupied a lot of my thoughts for months now, and I’ve been raring to finally take this trip already!

So- as I drove home I began to think, “Brittny? What would make you and Will happy?” I mulled that idea around in my head and gave it some thought as each mile passed.

As I waited at a stoplight it hit me:

Will needs to go home and spend some alone time with his family, especially his dad. He doesn’t need his wife in the way of that quality father-son time.

I need to cherish this time with P. Before I know it she’ll be off to the states, living such a grown-up life and time together will be incredibly sparse.

SO- I came up with a plan.

After a few conversations and a little convincing it was decided that Will would go home for a few weeks this fall to catch some OU games and spend time with his dad

AND-

THIS SUMMER P AND I ARE TO GO ON MY DREAM MEDITERRANEAN CRUISE!!!

I honestly don’t think I’ve been this excited since my wedding day.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking- “Shouldn’t you make Will go with you on this dream trip?? After all, he dragged you to the Super Bowl.”

I thought about it, but the truth is, I really think I’d have more fun with P. We would have a freaking BLAST. I have no doubt about that. Will would go with me and be just fine, but he’s not nearly as excited about this trip as I am. To be quite honest- I really want to go with P. I just think it would be nice to spend this time with my sister doing something I know we would love before life changes. Plus, I figure it would be nice for Will to see his dad sometime in September or October without me tagging along. I guess I always thought it was weird when people would take separate vacations. I was sure that meant that they were having trouble, but in this case, I really think it’s a great idea and it’s something that would make us both really happy. We’re both excited for each other, and we’re both excited about our prospective trips.

Only- I think I’m more excited.

I wish you could see my right now- I’m beaming! Yes- beaming. Beaming as in everything within a 10 mile radius is radiating because of my excitement.

Just imagine the wealth of blogging material that will come from this trip!

The hardest part has been convincing my mother choosing the right cruise. We have to make sure P has enough time to pack up her stuff here and get to the states for college. Plus, everything is booked. I think we’ve about narrowed it down to 3. The one we REALLY want to go on is 20 days, and, well, it’s a little (okay a LOT) out of the questions. Surprisingly, it’s cheaper than some of the shorter ones! I’m hoping to book by next week. AAAH! I’m so excited!

More fun to come… you can bet on that.

<3