Being an older sister is hard sometimes.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have this “motherly” thing with P. I feel like I need to be the tracking bracelet harnassed to her ankle, you know, just to make sure she’s okay. I feel like part of me is part of her (ha ha, I guess technically it is if you want to get into genes and all that stuff).

That’s why I almost had a breakdown over dinner Thursday night.

We were enjoying a lovely evening, when all of a sudden my mom looks down the table at Z and says, “You know, things just aren’t going to be the same when you’re gone!”

WHAT!?

My pulse quickens.

I start breathing faster.

Sweat? Yes, sweat.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

My mom them turned to me and said, “Oh- Z is leaving Saturday morning to go to London.”

Guys- I almost cried right there in my steak.

But then I realized it would be a pity to waste such a good steak- so I held it together.

Can I simply say I felt like Z was breaking up with me over dinner!? I had flashbacks to my junior year when I was on the phone with my boyfriend droning on about German class and he got all quiet. Then the “mutal break-up” ensued (I have no idea why… it couldn’t have anything to do with boring German class talk, right?? Nah.) This couldn’t be happening again right? My sister was jovial and fine, and here I am in utter shock that Z was “breaking up with me.”

He and P are staying together, but he left because he starts college this fall. I knew it was coming, but I was surprised it was so soon. A few weeks ago when I asked he didn’t know, but then bam! I get the break-up news over a wonderful family dinner.

The only thing missing was the infamous, “We need to talk...” line.

So, Z and I are “breaking up.”

I guess it’s true when they say families get attached to the boyfriends too. Who would have thought!? I really like him and P together, and knowing he’s a million miles away makes me sad for her, even if they are still together.

I actually got a lump in my throat yesterday morning when he sent me a text message bidding farewell. I felt so bad for P and it made my heart hurt. Let’s hope Christmas break comes soon for their sake. I told my sister the message made me sad and she totally played the role of the older sister, telling me everything was going to be fine, blah, blah, blah.

Did I mention it seemed like I was the one getting dumped???

Young love is the pits sometimes, huh?

So, I guess you could say I’m surviving my first “sister boyfriend breakup.” I thought break-ups were over! Apparently, I’m going to be experiencing them for quite a while. Self-inflicted supportive heart break… I’m such a good sister, aren’t I?

And she and Z are still together! Imagine what a mess I’ll be during a real break up!

Lord help us all.

Excuse me, I need to get back to my Ben and Jerry’s, tissue box, and 10 Things I Hate About You.

Did I mention I’m taking this hard?

There’s something about a slutty dessert, shamelessly displayed in all supermarkets and menus across the world, that gets me all hot and bothered.

The dinner ends, and (as usual) I am still certain I can put away more than what I’ve just eaten (that’s all thanks to specific satisfaction-or some crap like that. It has to do with how your brain can tell your body it’s full of one item, but still be hungry for another. See? Now you have an excuse to eat dessert for the rest of your life.). Getting the dessert menu, holding it in my hands. Carefully paying attention to all the lustfully written descriptions, and finally eyeing the perfect dessert and deciding, “You. Tonight I want you.” Then anticipating the moment when the server finally presents me with what I had anxiously desired all evening. In the words of our dear- and ever so slightly disturbed- friend Paris Hilton, “That’s Hot.”

I’ve always had a love affair with desserts. Don’t worry, Will has known for a while. He’s done all he can, but has come to accept the fact that he is married to a woman with two loves.

Aside from a few things such as Orlando Bloom, black Range Rovers, cold rainy days, and Will- desserts might just be the sexiest freaking things on earth.  I mean really- can anything get a person fired up like a Godiva Cheesecake?! I think not.

Today, I was faced with a temptation that was much too hard to resist. I went into the PX to buy a box of Wheat Thins- because, as I mentioned before, I walk around with a box under my arms at all times:

Blow drying my hair,

Petting Boz and Lucy,

Showering (I hang one arm outside the curtain)…

I’m getting off track.

Anyway- I went in to get a box of Wheat Thins. As I strolled down the aisle. I saw them. Suzy Qs.

My mom craved them throughout her pregnancy with me, and for some reason there seems to be this odd innate mechanism inside of me that must drop my whole world to the ground and have a Suzy Q anytime I can actually find them.

See, I’ve never been able to find any in Oklahoma. I’m not sure why. Maybe because of all the porn laws or something- Suzy Qs are quite racy, you know. Every know and then I could find them at the Wonder Bread outlet my town had (and then freaking closed), but not always. Finding a Suzy Q in Oklahoma USA is like trying to find an umbrella in Kuwait .

But there it was, glossy clear wrapped with little smudges of cream protruding from the sides. Sitting on the rack, calling to me. I start panicking because I know the consequences of eating a Suzy Q- 440 calories and a pudgy stomach for the rest of the day- not to mention creme filling all over my face and nubby little fingers.

I quickly looked away and thought to myself, “No, Brittny. You musn’t (Yes- I actually said musn’t).” I walk further down the aisle, but they kept drawing me in. Staring me down. Suffocating me in the aisle. I grabbed two boxes of Wheat Thins and started my trek down the aisle, trying to avoid the Suzy Qs at all costs, but them some crazy force just came over me and before I knew it “swish!” my arm had taken control of the rest of my body and just snatched a package before I could even say, “Arm! What the crap do you think you’re doing!?!”

It was too late, I couldn’t refuse the Suzy Q now. I was already involved. I had to finish what I had started. I made my purchase and headed to the car. I went with a coworker, but she wasn’t finished. I sat in the car all alone with the AC blowing and decided:

It was time.

Eating a Suzy Q- or just about any dessert for that matter- is a very calculated thing for me. It’s crucial to appreciate every single moment you’re involved in the act. It was a million degrees, I was sweating all over myself and didn’t seem to mind. I looked around to be sure one could interrupt this ceremonial occassion. The coast was clear.

I gently unwrapped the package and ate every last bite of my Suzy Q- using surgeon-like hands and being extra attentive to every single smudgy piece of the cake. Surprisingly enough, I didn’t even make a mess. I almost always have crumbs ground into my shirt and, as I mentioned before, creme filling smeared everywhere. The fact that I had accomplished a perfectly non-messy eating of my Suzy Q just drove home the point that I was in face supposed to have one today. To put it bluntly- we were created for each other.

Yes, I admit it. Dessert eating borderlines a sexual encounter. Ha, although I wouldn’t go as far as this like Will does and OU football!

Sigh, I wish I had more time to discuss this matter. I have about 10 more paragraphs I feel the need to write. However, I must leave you now. I suppose I’ll save my food theories for another time. I’ve awakened your senses enough for one day.

This afternoon was fan-freaking-tastic. All because of a Suzy-Q.

Now all I have to do is manage to burn an extra 440 calories today. That will be fun. Oh the repercussions of lusty haste.

I’m off to enjoy my weekend (and hopefully some good dessert too!).

I posted a few new pics on my Flickr bar. The pups got their summer shaved looks a few weeks ago. They’re not as cute, but I think they’re happier. I also got my hair “sliced (whatever that means).” I got a few brown streaks added. I used to think it looked silly, but well, I guess I don’t anymore. Ha ha, at least I hope I don’t because I just did it! I think I was inspired by Jenny’s new beautiful brown. I love it, Jenny! I’m too afraid to go all the way, so I thought this would be a fun little change.

That’s not the reason why I’m posting, though. I’ve been trying to formulate today’s post into coherent words, and well, I just can’t seem to. Everything gets jumbled in my mind and nothing makes sense. Nonetheless, I feel this immense burden to get my thoughts off my chest.

Today is definitely not a typical “B-Love post.” If you’re in the mood for a light-hearted Friday post, you definitely came to the wrong place. Hey- at least I warned you, right? I’ll be up front and say there may be a million and five typos in today’s post and you might walk away saying, “What the crap did she just write!?!” Today’s post is mostly because I just need to get my thoughts out, like I said earlier.

We’re told to lie here in Kuwait. For example, you never volunteer you’re from America. Even a lot of “good” Muslims here don’t like where we come from and what we’re doing. If I had to guess, I would say the vast majority of people living in the Middle East have an unfavorable view of America. So, we never walk around telling people where we’re from. Yes, that means poor Will can’t wear his OU gear out in public.

He hates it too.

That part of my time here doesn’t bother me. However, guys, I did something Wednesday night that I’m so very ashamed of. Something that brought me to the ground in pain. Something you’ll be disappointed about. I don’t know why I’m even about to tell you all this. Maybe just because I need to get it all out somewhere.

I flat out denied that I was a Christian Wednesday night.

Yep, you all can click off my post and think I’m the worst person in the world and hate me now. I wouldn’t blame you.

Thankfully, however, although I answer to a jealous God, I also answer to a forgiving God. So, if you’re still reading- let’s move on.

My whole life I knew that if ever confronted with a situation like that I would without a doubt stand for Christ and say, “You’re freaking darn right I’m a Christian!!!!!” however, when the time came, I caved in self-doubt and fear. Let me tell you about it.

I was working out at the gym Wednesday night. This lady kept staring at me the entire time, quite honestly making me feel very uneasy and comfortable. I got the feeling she was, for lack of better words, a “bad lady.” I can’t convey it all to you, and frankly, that’s not the point of this post. I just know I got the feeling she wasn’t out to be my friend by any means. She called me over towards the end of my work out, and like a freaking idiot moron I came over.

She began by asking me about the gym equipment, and I answered. Then, the harassment started.

“Where are you from? You American?”

I then lie.

She begins to stare me up and down with her darting and cold brown eyes.

“You married?”

I answer yes. She then asks me about my age.

I answer, but at this point I’m getting annoyed. I can tell she’s hunting for something. I’ve lived here long enough to know what she’s thinking, and I know it’s not good.

So, then it happens.

“Are you Christian?”

Guys, I froze. Like Simon Peter, I froze. Ha- I’m by no means “The Rock,” Peter, but at that moment I wondered if he felt the way I did at that moment so many years ago.

“What?” I asked.

“Christian- you Christian?”

I just sort of looked at her and flat out said, “No.”

Hanging my head in shame.

She looked at me harder, as if she wanted to reach inside of me and know the truth. She asked again, “You’re not Christian?”

I answered the same as before.

“Why do you need to know, I asked. What are you?”

She wouldn’t answer. She asked me one last time, “You Christian?”

Finally, I was angry. Angry with myself for what I had said. Angry that I became what I hated. Angry at this lady. I knew her. I knew what she was thinking. It made me angry. I thought back to the verse in the Bible that talks about denying Christ. I felt the Lord on my heart, pressing. Pressing.

“YES! Yes, I am a Christian.” I finally said. I said it with anger and annoyance in my voice. I was ready for the whole conversation to end.

“What kind? Cath-o-lic, Protestant, Born Again?”

I’m getting madder by the minute. “Why do you need to know?” I keep asking. She won’t answer, she just keeps saying the same thing over and over.

Finally I said, “I don’t understand why you need to know this information. It was nice meeting you.” I left. I didn’t even finish my work-out.

I went home, feeling like crap the whole way. “Did I really just do what I think I did?” I thought to myself. I knew I needed to talk to God, the person I sat there and denied, but the thought of it made my stomach sick. I’d rather hide away in denial, thank you very much.

I called Will. I needed to talk to someone. I started telling him my story and then the tears came. The fact that I was having snot issues this week didn’t help either.

Will and I talked a while as he drove home. He told me he knew why I did it, but obviously God doesn’t care about that. We answer to a higher calling than our fears. I already knew that. We talked about Cassie Bernall, the girl that was killed at Columbine for saying she was a Christian. Ha, granted my situation wasn’t even close to that, but it made me wonder. If I couldn’t hang with the big dogs in the situation I just faced, how in the world could I ever expect to be a “Cassie” if I was ever forced to be in such a situation?

Will ultimately said what I already knew, “Why are you talking to me about this? You know who you need to be talking to.”

I felt so ashamed. God has done so much for me. He takes care of me in ways I don’t even realize. His love and care is always with me, and that’s how I treat Him when the chance arrives for me to take a stand? Pretty ungrateful if you ask me. All I could say was, “I’m so sorry.” That was about all I could get out in between snot bubbles and dogs nipping at my feet. The embarrassment of going to God with what had happened was overwhelming. As a Christian that has grown up in church all her life, surrendered to ministering to others, and knowing all the Sunday school answers- I sure flopped. I’m pretty sure even people young in their faith would have fared better with the lady than I did.

Want to know the worst part of all? I specifically prayed that morning that I would have an opportunity to be a light that day.

Was that my chance?

Did I miss it?

Surely God wouldn’t have placed Psycho Woman in my path, right? He would have given me a nice, sweet lady to be a witness to, right?

I’m not so sure. I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed for protection. I prayed that if Psycho Woman was in fact the opportunity I had prayed for, that I would have the opportunity again. I prayed I would be bold and courageous.

I still felt like crap.

In fact, I still feel lousy. Will and I talked about it yesterday. He said I haven’t “laid it down.” That I’m “wallowing.” That I’m still holding on to it. I know he’s right. I guess the thing that bothers me is- what a freaking character check, you know? What’s inside of Brittny? I’m not really sure anymore! I thought I knew. I thought for certain that when I was squeezed good things would come out, but now I don’t know. That makes my heart hurt. I’ve always been the person that knows all the answers, and now I feel so frustrated with myself that I couldn’t even answer the most basic one.

Maybe you’re reading and thinking this is all silly and isn’t a big deal, but it’s a big deal to me. I’ve devoted my whole life to loving God, and to turn around and do what I did? It’s shameful.

So now I’m not sure where to go. I still feel this huge “something” on my heart right now. I don’t know what it is, but it’s heavy! It feels like “yuck.” ha ha- whatever that is, right? I just feel sick about the whole thing. I want to honor God. I really do. I hope that “something” goes away. Maybe it’s the fact that I just can’t seem to let go of it, just like Will said. That confessing my guilt, accepting the grace I preach about all the time seems too easy and not “good enough” for something that seems so big to me. Or, maybe God still has more to deal with me about. I don’t know. I’m just ready to stop feeling the way I do.

I hope you’re not too ashamed with me. Believe me- I’ve beaten myself up enough. So, that’s the story. I just needed to write. I want so badly to live my life for Christ. To show people that don’t believe in Him that there’s more to life. That it’s not about rules and regulations. It’s about freedom. It’s not about looking at the “hypocrites” but instead looking at Jesus. That you can still live a fun life. That’s what I want. I just wish my heart would stop hurting.

There’s nothing like a good old LOOONG life update about every facet of one’s life, right? Yes, every facet- including the kitchen sink.  I figured it was time for me to write about some of the things going on in my life. Not just for something to occupy my time, but mainly so 30 years from now I can look back and say things like, “Oh yeeeaaaah. That’s right! I remember now,” and, “Wow, I sure did say ‘freaking’ a lot!”

Let’s get freaking started!

I miss P.

A lot.

She’s totally living some awesome summer life right now, and I’m so very proud and excited for her- but I still miss her. If you’re just joining me, my sister P was chosen to serve as a Congressional page this month. It’s a really big deal and I’m so excited for her opportunity- but I still miss her (btw- Hi Nicole! I hope you got my letter.)!

Apparently her roommate’s mom is a representative, so the two of them have been chosen to do a few extra things here and there (ie: my sister is getting preferential treatment. I’m okay with that.), which has made her time that much more interesting. Not only that, but my parents signed a waiver for her to stay off campus on the weekends, so she goes and stays with her roommate’s family. How much fun!?

They work them like Iditarod sled dogs (or so she says), so she hasn’t had time to talk. I did get a text message from her this week, though. It made my day. We texted back and forth for a little while, but she had to go to sleep. I have some juicy gossip about Miss P (it’s boy related), but I better honor my sister code.

Speaking of- her boyfriend Z wrote the sweetest letter to me about her yesterday! It was about how he just needed to tell someone he missed her, and how he can’t wait to see her and how he wishes she could text more. Ugh, it hurt my heart! I texted her on the way to work this morning to tell her that Z loves her tons. See, P has been battling what to do about Z. He’s going to college in England this summer, and well, I’m sure we’ve all been in a similar situation during our teen years.

Wow- what a ramble about P! Sorry guys! I guess you get the point that I miss her!

*****

I ran into our date’s mom yesterday. It was funny. She’s a rather blunt lady. She told me how her daughter said they had a good time with us and would have to get together again sometime. Then she immediately followed with, “I hear you guys have two dogs that keep you busy.”

“Yes, we do! Yes, they sure do keep us busy.”

“Yeah, well my daughter isn’t much of a dog person...” She then went off on a story about how they had a family dog and the daughter rarely touched it, etc.

I just kind of nervously laughed and said, “Okay. Good to know if we ever have them over.”

Ha ha, how funny. So, I’m not sure how to take that. I wonder if the couple looked at each other with big bug eyes and in a terrified whisper said, “They’re dog people.” ha ha

The daughter (hmm, we have to give her a code name...) did email me this week about getting together again, so that’s a good thing, right?

*****

I like the new Maroon 5 song, but I don’t know the words to the chorus except, “I don’t believe it’s true, anymore, anymo-or-or-ore,” so I sing that part over and over until the end of the chorus. Oh- and I also know the “So this is goodbye” part. That’s about it. If you rode in the car with me, you really might consider ear plugs.

*****

I worked out at my camp’s gym this week. I figured it would be good for me to walk on the treadmill three times a week there, and then go to my gym and do the weights. By the way, it really REALLY sucks trying to work out during a lunch hour (I think I’ll post about that next week). I try so hard not to break a sweat (which is virtually impossible because, like Sarah R, I’m a “sweater").

Today, however, I’m going to sweat to my little heart’s content because I’m taking my lunch at the end of the day. I’m going to run on the treadmill 40 minutes there, go home, and do 30 more minutes of cardio and then lift weights. I’ve decided I need to be lifting heavier weights. I lift heavier than all the other women at my gym (ha, mainly because they’re not lifting much at all- just like 5 pounds most of the time). I have it in my mind that 15 reps is better than 12 or 9 or even less because it’s a higher number, but I know that’s not always true. I have to get that out of my head and be willing to increase my lifting weight and decrease the reps. So, that’s the challenge to myself today. If you’re twitching by what I just said, don’t worry, I won’t “bulk.” A lot of women I’ve talked to about weight training freak out when I say the word “heavy weights” because they’re afraid of bulking up. Rest assure, we don’t have enough testosterone in our bodies to do that. It’s nearly impossible to look manly without using some type of steroid. So- heavier weights does not equal big bulk. That’s my PSA for the day.

Did I tell you Will is kicking butt working out right now!?! I’m so proud of him. You might remember that his dad has diabetes and heart disease, and I’ve been concerned a long time now about Will. Well, there is this trainer that he works with that has been dying to get his hands on Will. This trainer guy is awesome (I wish I could hire him!). He helped this one lady in the military lose 40 pounds in just a crazy amount of time. He is a major butt kicker. Will agreed to give this guy his lunch hour to help him lose weight and get in shape, and he’s done a great job (this guy is doing this all for free too) Will lost a little over 5 pounds the first week! I was so excited for him. He would totally kill me if he knew I was typing about this to the world, but I just can’t help but feel so proud of his diligence to break the cycle of diabetes. Okay- I’ll get off this subject. Like I said- he would freak if he knew I was writing about it.

*****

My summer swap partner Heather got her gifts this week! I was so very excited to hear that!

Sorry, Jenny, I have to cheat and post this a day earlier! I won’t be able to post tomorrow, so I thought I’d slip it out a day early. Sorry for the leak! It’s me.

She emailed me yesterday to tell me she got it. I won’t tell you guys any more, though. Promise. I look forward to getting my package soon too! I’ll be sure to post as soon as it comes in.

*****

My good friends Sarah L., Theresa, and I have come up with a way to get to know each other better than we do now (because- it can be hard to stay close in freaking Kuwait!). Sarah came up with a Question of the Day in which we each take a turn asking the others a question about themselves that normally wouldn’t come up in our normal conversation. I’ve had a lot of fun getting to know my friends better.

Today it was my turn to think of a question for the girls. I wanted to post it because maybe you guys have something to add too, and I thought it’d be interesting to hear what you have to say. Ever since Mrs. BFW’s post about the things she wants to do before she turns 30, I’ve been thinking about the same thing! So, I asked the girls:

- Do you have a list?
-If you do, what are 5 things on that list? If you don’t, what are 5 things that would be on the list?

I’ll go ahead and share what I wrote to them:

No, I do not have a list, but below are 5 things that would be on the list:

1.Change a life/lives with the gifts God has given me. I know this sounds ambiguous and HUGE, but I’ve made it my prayer to live my life in terms of eternity and not just the here and now. Besides, it would be all about God and not me so I know it’s possible.
2. Have and maintain 21.5% body fat (I’m at 26% now. 4.5% more to go. Ugh)
3. Go on a Mediterranean cruise.
4. Play the cello again.
5. Sing- somewhere, anywhere. It’s my biggest fear. Perhaps you two will get me wound up and karaoke with me this December? Ummm.- nah. I think I’ll put this one off a few more years- for all our sakes.

So those are a few things I shared that would be on my list. If you feel like it- feel free to share yours. Heck- maybe I’ll come up with a long list of my own after reading your guys’!

*****

I’m addicted to Wheat Thins. Note- they’re not healthy if I eat an entire box in a day and a half!

*****

The weekend looks to be “good.” I know good is a boring word, but well, good is how our weekend will be. I have a hair appointment tomorrow morning, so there goes half the day. They take a long time at my salon. It’d be okay if I could sit around and talk to my stylist like we’re best friends, but the ladies don’t talk at my place. Boo.

Afterwards I’m not really sure what we’ll do. I think at some point tomorrow we’re going out with my parents for father’s day, so that should be fun. Will and I actually got invited to a social function this weekend too! However,my sweet husband tends to be a stick in the mud at times. He didn’t want to go. I’m a little disappointed. Why can’t we just show up for 15 minutes and say hello on our way to dinner, you know? Well, one valid reason is because they live almost half an hour away. That’s really the only one though. Sigh, I just had to vent a little!

*****

It’s hot.

*****

Wow. If you’re still reading, kudos. I wish you a bright and sunnny day! I’m so glad we have this little community of friends. <3

I’m off to enjoy the weekend!

PS- I almost forgot! I’ve had a couple people ask me how to leave comments on my blog. You simply click “Share the Love” and it will bring you to the comment box!

I went to lunch with my dad today. After we ate, he got an extra large Chocolate Mousse Royale shake from Baskin Robbins and offered to buy me one. I exercised my willpower and said no.

I officially consider today a good day.

That’s all it takes, really. The powers of the Earth had to align just right for me to pass on a Baskin Robbins shake, so I figure good things must be coming today. I hope anyway.

These good things will NOT coming from my nose, however. I’ve been snotting all over my self all week. It’s not only disgusting, but quite honestly embarrassing. I thought I was going to have to excuse myself while we were on The Date this weekend because I could see major snot bubbles in my future. Thankfully for me (and everyone within snot flinging range) everything remained under control.

I went to the pharmacy this weekend to try and shake these snots. Oh- that brings me to a side post!-

Did you know you can get just about ANYTHING you freaking EVER wanted at a pharmacy in Kuwait without a prescription!?! I’M NOT FREAKING LYING.

Sleeping pills? Check.

Birth Control? Check.

Antibiotics? Check.

Allergy Medication only sold with a prescription Stateside? Check.

I left the pharmacy with a nice little candy bag of allergy cure-alls. Only they haven’t worked all that well. I’m shoving odd objects up my nose and squirting strange liquid up there- that is, when I actually make it in my nasal cavity. The first day I shot myself right in the freaking eye. Those pumpers are sensitive!

I’m choking on snot all night, guys (yeah, I did just go there). It’s pretty sick.

I just don’t handle snot well. Want to know a secret? I couldn’t even blow my nose very well until high school. High School guys!! That’s pathetic. Anyway, I still hate blowing my nose in public. I think it’s the most embarassing thing ever, mainly because I don’t think I’ve ever in my life had a good, clean nose blow. There’s something always hanging, or I feel the need to shove a tissue up my nostril… it’s really a sad sight. You would totally disown me. I decided that this snot crap has to stop.

I figured I’d clean my office area a little. We’ve had some bad sand storms the last few days and our entire office has been coated in sand (hmm… and I wonder why I can’t breathe well!!...). I pulled the filter out of our AC unit and was astounded. It was covered in dirt- just waiting to filter through the air vent and cling to my ski slope nose, causing all sorts of havoc. I wish I had my camera, you wouldn’t believe it. Apparently the filters get like this on a weekly basis out here (yeah, I’m a genius. I live in the desert and didn’t stop to think maybe, just maybe, I should clean our air filter). Let’s cross our fingers that a clean filter cleans my nose woes, because if not- I’m about to become a hazard.

You might want to buy an umbrella. My next sneeze is headed westward.

More to come…
(^ non-snot related, I promise)

It’s after two and Will is napping, and I’m restless.

That means I post.

The weekend went incredibly fast. I don’t think I fully enjoyed it.

The Kuwait Religious Police crashed my sister’s prom.

Crazy, right? Only here.

Apparently they crashed some of the other school’s proms too, and those times everyone had already gotten to the prom and were dancing, etc. and the police busted in. There aren’t supposed to be an coed gatherings. My sister got this beautiful dress and was all excited about going, and that afternoon she got a message that said prom was officially postponed. The ministry agreed to let them have it, as long as the school year was finished. The trouble is that she is leaving for D.C. next week because she was chosen to be a Congressional page (how cool, right!?).

So, the pretty dress won’t get to be worn anytime soon. What a bummer. As odd as it sounds, I think I was more disappointed than she was! She had asked me to help her do her hair and make-up for the prom. You would have thought it was my own prom the way I was combining eyeshadows and testing lip glosses the night before.

She and her friends ended up utilizing the limo they rented anyway. The simply wore cocktail dresses and went to dinner. Not exactly as thrilling as prom. I posted some pictures of what we ended doing for her hair and make-up on my flickr (PS- dont diss my furnishings. They’re company provided and free. I promise I’m not that tacky). She still turned out super cute- and we got her ready in 30 freaking minutes! I was sweating all over myself and was stressing as if I were detonating a bomb with 30 seconds before the blast. Thankfully, all ended well.

So, that was Thursday.

****************************

I’ve been having wild dreams lately, guys. Any dream interpreters out there!? I had a dream I had a baby last night! It was too wild. I was never pregnant- it was just “there.” I was stressing out trying to figure out what exactly happened, and then I had this notebook out frantically trying to make a list of names for the kid. All sorts of other things happened, but that was the jist.

Guys- it totally freaked me out! You all probably know how I feel about being a mother right now, so you know how this tripped me out. I don’t know what triggered it. It could have been that I wanted to see the newborns at the hospital last night. It could also be that Will has been totally annoying me with Boz and Lucy. He calls me “mommy” and him “daddy” (don’t tell him I told you that! He would freak). Who knows… anyway- it tripped me out. Baby dreams always trip me out.

I’m not getting soft on you guys, I swear. You and I both know what a hazard it would be for me to mother a child right now. Just think about how I parent Boz and Lucy!

“You want to dig in the trash, Luc?"…

“Okay! Have at it!”

“Boz, you enjoy eating Lucy’s crap?”

“Alright! Less I have to clean!”

See!? Totally unfit. In fact, get DHS on your speed dial as we speak.

Okay, my blood pressure is rising just thinking about this whole topic. Seriously- I’m panting like I just ran the Boston Marathon and I think I even have upper lip sweat- which we both know is the most disgusting type of sweat ever. It’s like that psychologist… what the crap was his name? Hmm.. anyway, he told his friends they could be in his “secret club (or some crap like that… I think)” as long as they DIDN’T think about pink elephants (blue donkeys?… yellow birdies?...who the crap knows) for 5 minutes (or something like that).

Well we all know that if you’re told not to think about, it’s all you can think about. That’s sort of been the same thing with the kid thing. I’m stressing myself out about the whole thing.

I know it’s nothing… it’s nothing… it’s nothing…

but the more I stress myself out about it all, the more I can’t freaking stop thinking about it! I swear, guys, what the crap!?!?!?!?!

Sigh-

So that’s today’s confession. I’m a basketcase. Hmm, that’s nothing new…

The confession is that I don’t want to be a mother now, but I can’t stop thinking about one. Stupid dream! Stupid me for wanting to see the newborns!

I also think the fact that I’ve been cooped up in the house all weekend hasn’t helped.

Must.

Get.

Out.

Need.

Human.

Interaction.

Crap. Will just woke up. I have to go. We’re in the middle of Season 2 of 24, and well, Jack Bauer needs us.

More to come… hopefully not spawning related.

<3

I’m officially turning off comments for today’s post. When I do that it means one of three things:

1. The post is Freaking-A boring and I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to try their hardest, straining a butt muscle because of the effort, in order to produce some sort of feedback they don’t really want to write in the first place but feel totally obligated because I told them how much I totally love their blog and that they’re my blog idol, oh and PS- you’re shoes are totally cute I wish I could dress like you (ha ha, what a run-on sentence!). I mean seriously- who really cares what I had for lunch or the fact that Kuwait is changing their weekend??

2. I’m behind on my own obligatory feedback

3. I really don’t want to know what you have to say. I’d rather live in my ivory tower and not know that you totally hate me, disagree, think I need to be checked into the Betty Ford clinic, or any other tidbit I think you might want to share.

Today comments are off because of reason # 3. I’m going to appear judgemental and shallow and mostly just need to get this all out for therapy. I don’t need anyone telling me what I already know!

I’m totally feeling frustrated.

It’s sort of for a dumb reason, yet I continue to let the whole thing bother me.

By the way- when I tell you why, you’re going to think i’m a freaking idiot.

Here’s why.

Apparently the whole world (yes- the WHOLE world, even the Pope and the weird lady that lives down the street from you) is getting plastic freaking surgery.

Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little. It’s probably only something like 97.4% of the world, but I swear, that 2.6% is not from Kuwait. Everyone I work with is getting something done right now. Three different people walked into my office today to tell me what they had done, are getting done, want done, want their cat to have done, and even what they want done to their 97 year old grandmother. Then the gossiping begins- which means I then get to hear who else has had, wanted, or is getting something done. The numbers are staggering. I’m not sure if it’s because people have less expenses out here and have the extra money around to do it, or what, but I feel like this small minority of people that have yet to have a 80 foot long garden hose shoved up my stomach to suck out the fat!

Do you think I’m crazy yet?

I know this sounds so dumb (hence why I turned off comments!), but I just feel frustrated about the whole thing. I go to the gym 3 times a freaking week, work my butt off, pass on crappy foods (uh, well most days), try my hardest to take care of myself, floss (that’s right! I freaking even floss for crying out loud!), and yet so many other people simply go into a clinic, go to sleep for 5 hours and come out looking totally hot and thin without breaking a sweat.

**Caution, Pity Party to Ensue**

It’s just not fair!! Harumph.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you want to say, “Why do you even care what other people are doing?! That’s so dumb. Just focus on you and don’t worry about other people.” I know all that crap already. The truth is, I don’t know why I’ve let it get to me so much. Perhaps it’s because seriously (really- no lie) there are several, several, several, people I know over here that have gotten work done. I’m constantly being surrounded by it, hearing about it, learning about it.

It’s not that I feel bad about myself- although, I did stare at my boobs for days on end after one of my friends got implants. Poor Will he had to field more questions about my body the past month than ever before. Of course, husbands are always the worst people to ask because they know what we want to hear. “No, sweetie, I think Pamela Anderson’s boobs are disgusting!” Yeah, Will, I’m so sure.

I guess it’s more that I feel discouraged. I think about how much work I put into health and how easy it could be to simply pay someone to take care of it for good. I think about all the ladies I work out with at the gym and how I know a lot of them have gotten things done (they even wear those tight girdle things to work out in post-lipo. It’s creepy), and for some reason I let it annoy me. They look freaking amazing because of all this money they’ve poured into themselves, and I’m sitting here letting Will have at my blackheads while I contemplate how I’m going to get rid of the hail storm on my butt. Hmm, quite a different picture.

So, what is real beauty?

Now when I look at people here, I wonder if that’s really them. Does that make sense? Maybe not…

I sit here day in and day out hearing all these stories, and begin to think, “Wow.. maybe I need to have something fixed too...” It’s pathetic. I’m not saying I would get something done, I’m just saying after listening to all these men and women talk about flaws and how they’ve had theirs perfected now it makes me feel sort of raw.

I know in my heart that “Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting,” and “Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart,” but by golly tell the rest of the world that! We place so much emphasis on outward beauty to the point of inflicting pain on ourselves through plastic surgery, and it’s sad. As a Christian, I will openly tell you I struggle daily with focusing on having a beautiful heart instead of the perfect outfit. It’s such a fallacy so many of us struggle with, and sadly, I feel like it’s begun to consume my thoughts lately. Like I said, I’ve heard about it daily for the last few months. That doesn’t help either! I guess this should be something I pray about more often!

Hmmm, maybe I should throw in a disclaimer now that I’m almost done with this post. I’m not saying plastic surgery is bad. I don’t mean that at all. I know there are people that have to get it done for medical reasons, etc. I’m not posting about that today- I’m posting out of my own selfish frustrations about the people around me that are bombarding me with their information. Nothing else. Please know that. Heck, my mother is in the hospital as we speak because she got work done! Hopefully you get what I’m trying to say. It’s just about how it’s been at the forefront of my life lately.

So, I want to write a dozen more paragraphs, but I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough. Afterall, I do still want you to read my blog.

Tonight after work I’ll go the the gym like I always do, sweat like a man, and then go visit my mom in the hospital- once again to think, “Hey- maybe I need that done too.”

Until then- cheers to the fat girls.

Love your fellow chubby normal looking friend,

B-Love

Thanks Mrs. M! Apparently I missed a week of memes! Where have I been!?! I was tagged twice, so here I go to play catch up!

Meme #1

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1)The Life & Times of a First Time Stay at Home Mom

2)Mom of 2 and Wife of 1

3)BlondeMomBlog

4) Newlywed Bliss

5)The B-Love Life

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was a young 14 years old! Hmm- what, 8th grade or something? I have fond memories of my junior high years with my best friend at the time, April. Oh my gosh- I don’t think I’ve laughed as much since junior high. Memories of Summer Journals, Smashing Pumpkins, and my totally cool SilverTab Wide Leg jeans come to mind.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was just coming back from Dubai! It was such a fun trip! Will went skiing in their indoor ski lodge (yes, you can actually ski in the Middle East- go figure, right!?) and we stayed a night here. It was amazing!

Five snacks you enjoy:
Ha ha! The foods below aren’t necessarily my favorites (because honestly- you all know I like to eat like a freaking man cow), but they’re ones I actually eat on a regular basis at work and like.

1. Lettuce wraps with tofu, cheese, and dijon mustard

2. South Beach cookies/cereal bars

3. Chickpeas with balsamic vinegar

4. Low Sugar Fruit

5. Yogurt

Those are my week day work snacks. My weekend snacks look very different. Very different.

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
1. One, Three Dog Night

2. The Dress Looks Nice on You, Sujfan Stevens <3

3. Transatlanticism, Death Cab for Cutie <3

4. Gimme Shelter, The Rolling Stones

5. I Need Thee Every Hour

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1. Tithe (we do that anway, but still- you gotta put it, right?)

2. Buy a business so my money is continually working

3. Buy a house by the lake

4. Buy Will his GMC truck

5. Have a weekly spa package set up so I can have the works done every Friday afternoon (ahhh...)

Five bad habits:

1. Worrying

2. Being too nice/passive That’s probably the biggest.

3. Feeling the need to freaking eat anything in front of me just because it’s there. Wait, that’s probably the biggest

4. Stressing over things I can’t change (seriously- I stress about things WAY over my head- international relations, the environment, etc. I’m so weird)

5. Eating peanut butter with a spoon right out of the jar… and then putting honey on top of the gobbed spoonful of peanut butter. And then totally using the same spoon to get more. I’m such a sick-o. Definitely the biggest. No question.

Five things you like doing:
1. Weight Training <3

2. Blogging

3. Watching boxsets of shows we don’t get over here (yes, I’m lazy. I admit it.)

4. Viewing photography

5. Listening to my iPod

Five things you would never wear again:

1. Loafers and white socks

2. A t-shirt tucked into my jeans and pulled out (you know- the bubbled-tuck look?)

3. Reebox High Tops (remember!? They had like every color imaginable- plus some colors I don’t think even register on the color wheel!)

4. A ribbon tied around my pony tail

5. Straight Leg Jeans

Five favorite toys:

1. iPod

2. Camera

3. I Have No Clue

4. What Else To Say

5. I’m Boring and Have No Toys.

Okay, If you’re not sick of me yet, I’ve got another one below! This is Annie’s!

Meme #2

8 Random Things About Me!

1. One summer, when I was little, I was hot. To cool off I decided to stuff two eggs down my pants and then crack them.

No, I have no idea why.

Wait- it was because I was hot. It makes sense, right!?
...

Sigh, I was destined to be weird from the start…

2. I inherited my father’s digestive system. ie: I’ve probably plugged up more toilets than all of you combined (what a lovely fun fact, right!?) Thank God for Benefiber.

Seriously.

3. I went to 9 different elementary schools prior to 5th grade.

No- it wasn’t because I was a troubled child (hmm… or was it!?!). My dad was in the army.

4. One time I tried to pay a pizza man $12 for a $24 pizza order. I gave him a coupon that said “half off” so I thought it meant that I could use the coupon as the other $12 and just pay half… I was in high school when I did this, by the way. Speaking of pizza- I didn’t know you were supposed to tip the pizza guy until about 2 years ago. So- if you ever delivered to my house, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know.

5. In college I tried to vacuum my bedroom. I came out all sweaty and told my mom vacuuming was hard work. She looked at me perplexed and asked why. “Well because you have to keep lifting it up everywhere you go!” I answered. Apparently I never pushed the lever to release the vacuum and was doing it upright. What a freaking moron. I graduated Cum Laude, by the way.

No, I really did.

6. I don’t wash my hair everyday.

7. I played the cello for 7 years. I miss it so much. I hope one day I’ll be able to buy a nice one and take lessons again. See- I’m totally refined (HA HA HA)!

8. One time I bowled a 7. Yes, a 7. And I actually tried my hardest to do well.

Anyone want to start a bowling league?

Tired of MeMes yet??  You can’t be because

YOU’RE IT!

It seems that every time I log on lately I feel like I’m so behind with this blog of mine!

I got tagged for what might be the most entertaining survey I’ve been a part of in my entire blogging histoy. I swear, you guys have cracked me up so much! So, now it’s my turn. The truth is, I’m a little embarrassed. As I thought about 6 weird thigns about me it was quite astonishing all the things I came up. Let’s just say it was way more than just 6… what does that say about me??

I tried to choose 6 that wouldn’t scream, “Put this lady in therapy!” or “Ew, stay away from her. Give her 30 years and she’ll be the lady at the end of the block the kids throw rocks at,” but I think I was unsuccessful.
So…

6 Weird Things About Me
By Brittny Lynne

1. I’m really big on oral hygeine- flossing, swishing, brushing 37 times a day. A nice smile goes a long way! BUT… I have the onset of TMJ so I sleep in this dorky night splint (it’s really sexy) that I all but take care of properly. It’s quite disgusting. I’m good if I brush it and clean it more than once a week (puke!). It’s the sickest thing and i’m not sure why I’m too lazy to just brush it for 30 seconds… i’m not really sure!

It is so gross, in fact, that Will made me get a new one when we were home because he can’t stand to look at it and despite my clean mouth obsession he has kissing issues when he knows I’m about to put it in or just took it out.

So, I got a new one but guess what? I’m still using the old one.

Ugh, I’m disgusted with myself. I can’t believe I just told the world that! That’s not weird- it’s just revolting.

2. I try to pick my clothes out the night before I’m going to wear them. Well, a couple of nights ago I picked my outfit and noticed that there was a small little stain on the top hip area. I was really bummed about it, BUT knowing FULL WELL there was a stain on the back, I freaking wore it anyway.

When 2 cowokers were all , “Aw, Brittny! you have a stain on your cute skirt!” I acted shocked and was all, “Oh no! That’s terrible! I wonder how that happened!” and totally acted like I hadn’t noticed it before.

Am I a loser or what!? All to wear a freaking cute skirt!? Sigh… this survey is making me shameful.

3. On a daily basis I say (and LOVE- like seriously LOOOOVE) the following phrases or words:
-Freaking
-Freaking A
-Oh my Freak
-You’ve got to be Freaking kidding me
-What the crap

What a lady-like woman I am…

4. About 1 out of every 3 times I can blame a “fluff” on something or someone else and Will belives it.

For example, last night we were coming home from my parents house and I had a stomachache. I let what might be the manliest “fluff” EVER out and Will was like, “Oh my gosh- What was that sound!?”

and I totally played it off, “What do you mean?”

to which he responded, “Oh, nothing. I just heard something really loud. I think your car is making weird noises.”

Yeah sweetie, it was the car (ha).

5. I’ve never sang (sung?… hmmm) in front of Will! Singing in front of people is my biggest fear ever (but get me alone in the car and I’m a big singing dork) and I’ve never really sang in front of Will. I’ve just played around but nothing real. It’s funny because Will loves to sing. In fact, he used to say he wanted to be a country music singer(!), and here I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. How weird.

6.  Here’s a mild one (seriously- let’s go with something normal!): I’m a lip gloss hoarder. I buy lip gloss and chapstick all the freaking time- knowing I already have about 35 at home- and will keep it forever, even when it’s pretty much gone. It’s really weird. I FINALLY threw a bunch out last weekend. Does that mean I get to replace the old with new!?!


***
So there you have it, my embarrassing and weird quarks told to you.

Things have been busy here, and sadly I think it’s here to stay. :( This new job of mine is insane! I’ve never worked in such a fast paced and demanding office. I’m not sure if it will ever slow down, but I sure hope so. A little at least.

In honor of Annie, I (finally) present my meme:

Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. Transcripts Specialist- the best job I could have ever asked for as a

college student, hands down, ever
2. Babysitter
3.  Mary Kay Consultant (Not the ones you run from in fear, I promise!)
4. Administrative Assistant to the Marketing & Media Branch Manager (I won’t even insert the sarcastic “yay“ here.)

Four Movies I have watched over and over:

1. You’ve Got Mail (Will loves that movie and I think it’s so cute. We like to watch it at Christmas)
2. Ever After (it’s been a while since I’ve seen this one, but I loved it so much in high school and college)
3. Home Alone. I haven’t watched this movie in AGES, but my sister and I used to have “sleepovers” together on the pullout couch growing up and every single time we had one we’d watch Home Alone.
4. Blues Brothers- my dad and I would watch that movie almost every new years eve for a long time. “I’m on a mission from God.” Ha ha.

Four places I have lived:
1. Oklahoma (Boomer Sooner!)
2. Kuwait
3. Germany (3 different times)
4. Colorado

Four TV shows I love to watch:

1. King of Queens
2. Frasier
3. Everybody Loves Raymond
4. Animal Cops

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Dubai
2. Qatar
3. Branson, MO (about 50 million times)
4. Minneapolis (and we’ll be vacationing there a few days this fall too!)

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Oklahoma- sitting with Will at the Fine Arts Courtyard of our college campus while eating Taco Bueno
2. Oklahoma- driving up to Norman on Saturday for the big game and then eating at Teds afterwards.
3.  Oklahoma- just lounging around and playing with Sandy and Baylis (the L family doggies)
4. Oklahoma (sensing a common theme??)- Sitting with Will at the park that was by our house. We have lots of good memories there.

Four people I tag:
1. Anyone

2. That
3. Hasn’t
4. Done it.

I really think I might post again today! Wow! 2 posts- I’m a wild and crazy woman! Ha ha Well see…

Have a good Labor Day!