My boss said that to me this week.

I signed my life away to one more year here today. I had to get an appraisal and get my leave approved beforehand which required a meeting with my boss. Ugh. Can I just vent before I continue on with this post!?!

Thanks.

Half the people that do contract work take lots of short vacations. The other half hordes their vacation and takes a big, disgustingly long one month trip.

Will and I are hoarders.

When I told my boss we were planning on going home this December for a month, he freaked out.

He’s one of the short vacation guys.

It went all over me. Who is he to decide how I spend my vacations!?!

He told me he’d approve it this time, but not to plan on doing that ever again.

“You either are an expat or you’re not,” he said.

I left, extremely annoyed. His words have been ringing in my ears for the last few days.

You either are an expat or you’re not.

I don’t know what I am.

My first instinct is to say no. I’m not a bonafide expat. I’m simply doing this for a little while but plan on going home and living a normal life.

However, when I think about going home and living a normal life- it terrifies me. Not funny ha ha terrifies me- guys, it really truly scares the dickens out of me.

I know you guys probably think I’m crazy to be scared of going home and having a “normal” life (what is normal anyway?). If Will knew I was writing this he would freak out. See- Will is definitely NOT an expat. No doubt about it and no waivering. He’s a down home country boy that loves good Oklahoma folk, beans and cornbread, and OU football. He is out of his element here. He longs for home and has never thought otherwise. This is truly a temporary assignment for him.

It is for me too… I think.

Will and I touched on it a couple weeks ago when we had the “vomit conversation” I mentioned in Sunday’s post. He asked me if I could do this for a long time since we were able to take month long vacations back home. I told him I had seriously thought about it.  There’s a lot more to what was said, but I’m feeling lazy today.

I think about going home for good and it makes me realize how good we have it here. We’re sort of out of touch with reality. No bills, no taxes, no paying for gas, getting to go on these awesome excursions all over the world and stay in the finest hotels. You guys are going to think I’m COMPLETELY insane, but I also feel extremely safe here. Safer than I do when I’m in America. I know you think I’m a complete lunatic, but it’s the truth (okay, okay- aside from the psycho extremist groups). When we go home that’s all over. We enter The No Fun Zone. It’s back to the reality of paying bills, punching in,being afraid of crazy weirdos, and getting 2 weeks vacation.

Then the other, more spiritual side of me thinks about how I should be storing up my treasures in heaven. That I need to “set my mind on things above and not on earthly things.” Then I think, “Okay. Why am I doing this? Why are we slaving away over here!? We need to be back home doing ministry work and living a ‘normal’ life.”

Sigh.

I know that we’re not supposed to go home yet, as of today that is, but who knows what tomorrow will bring. I know we have a ministry here, but at the same time I think about how we could probably be better utilized at home…

Part of me (okay a LOT of me) wishes we could go home and live out “my master plan” which is the best of both worlds. I don’t know if it really is, but it seems to be from where I’m looking.

I feel torn and in some weird, weird way- afraid to leave this life behind one day.

As much as I whine and complain about being here, you know, aside from the heat it hasn’t been bad. It’s allowed us to do things I never thought in my entire life I would ever see or do. We lead an interesting life. Am I ready to give that up? I don’t know.

I never in my wildest dreams thought leaving this behind would ever be difficult, but I’m afraid it’s going to be harder than I think.

Saying all this makes me feel bad. I feel bad because I know Will will have no problem leaving this behind. I know how anxious he is to get out of here, move home, and go to Norman, Oklahoma every Saturday each fall. Why don’t I feel the same way?

Maybe I do… I just don’t know.

You either are an expat or you’re not…

I know we’re not making any big decisions anytime soon, yet my mind continues to wonder about what the future holds for us. During that same “vomit conversation” Will and I had, he astounded me by saying that not only wouldn’t (sorry for the double negative) he be surprised if he was called back to full time youth ministry, but that he could also see himself being a pastor one day.

letting out a huge blood curdling scream

Okay- so I’m jumping the gun 10 years and freaking out about something that isn’t coming around for a long time, but still! Can I please shove a #2 pencil in your eye?

Am I ready for that? Am I prepared to do a total 180? I’m not talking about a 180 with the way I live my life, I’m talking about a 180 with our lifestyle. Going from trips to Jordan or staying at the Burj, to being stuck in smalltown USA cleaning our clothes with a washboard in the river. Am I ready to give this up adventure? I don’t know. I can’t believe I’m freaking saying this crap!! I was always just like Will- ready to get the hell out of here. I don’t know why I’m struggling with this stuff.

I know I need to focus my mind on God’s will for our life. I have no idea why I’m stressing about a decision that doesn’t even need to be made now.

It’s because I’m crazy and in some sick way enjoy worrying about things.

I guess the combination of the vomit conversation and the expat comment really got my mind wandering and thinking about what an adjustment leaving here really will be. It’s brought to light the fact that life here is pretty okay, and I could probably do this contract thing a few more years. Maybe not in Kuwait, but somewhere else.

Want to know something funny? Someone just came in my office and said the exact same thing I just spent an hour writing. She went home for 6 months and ended up coming back because life just seemed different.

Maybe I’m not crazy afterall!

Maybe moving home really will be a dramatic adjustment for me. Maybe I’m not alone in my fears of the culture shock.

So am I an expat?

I don’t know.

I guess time will tell…

Apparently the entire freaking world knows that I sweat.

Yep. I’m a sweater.

Okay, so let me back pedal a little. Yes, I willingly informed “the whole world” about the misery of being here in the summer and the fact it’s so freaking hot that when you walk outside you begin to rain on everything around you, creating a small little well amongst dry arid sand- I admit that (In case you’re curious about my tirade on “sweat” you can read “The Old Blog” archives. I’m pretty sure from May-September I mentioned it every freaking day.)

HOWEVER!-

For someone ELSE to talk about my sweatiness?

Well, those are just fighting words!

That’s right.

You better be careful or a hurricane of my sweat will come flinging in a violent force to swallow you freaking whole!

Shudder

Yeah.

So yesterday I was walking to the BIDFY, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I saw two of my coworkers moving furniture around.

“Hi guys!” I said cheerfully. “Looks like you’re working hard!”

They agreed and made mention that it was too hot to be outside moving furniture.

“Good thing you’re not having to do it,” one said, “I hear you get really sweaty.

What!?

What the freaking crap was that!? Did someone just say that to me? Are you serious!?

Ah- I remembered.

insert hazy dream sequence

One time the other guy I work with almost saw me “kill over.” According to him, that is.

We had to go to a building in early June to dig out some old archives. A building that wasn’t air conditioned. In June. In Kuwait. The Lake of Fire.

Wow. I started to sweat.

Imagine that!

Anyhow, he was all worried about me because my ultra pale face turned bright red from the heat and I started to sweat. “Are you going to be okay?” He kept asking.

hazy dream sequence ends

I bet he said something!

“Did you tell Mouth over there that I sweat a lot?” I asked.

He just laughed and said yes. What a moron.

I laughed too and told him to shut up about my sweating. “I drink a lot of water. It’s healthy. So I sweat a little when it’s 5 MILLION DEGREES in this country. What!? Girls aren’t allowed to sweat!?!”

Do you know what he said to that?

“Yeah you do drink a lot of water! Did you notice I gave you an extra box last week when I delivered it?”

What a moron. So now now only am I a big bucket of sweat, but I’m also a camel. A big sweaty camel. Huh. 

I was tagged by the lovely Mrs. Rusti S. for the MeMe below. Thanks Rusti! I enjoyed reading yours!

5 Things in my refrigerator:

1. Chocolate Frosting (I almost made myself sick last night)

2. Lemons

3. 3 Different Types of Mustard- deli style, yellow, spicy

4. Romaine

5. 6 jars of pre-cut Del Monte Ruby Red Grapefruit- yes, it is necessary to have 6.

5 Things in my car:

1. A tape connector thingy that plays my iPod

2. A scented hangy thing that doesn’t smell anymore

3. The driving log ( it’s a company vehicle I share)

4. Gas card

5. Pens. Lots of pens.

5 Things in my purse or backpack:

Just as a side note- can I tell you how irate Will gets when we discuss my purse. I’ll admit, it’s WAY too big, bulky, heavy, and occassionally causes my arm to go numb- but I need all that stuff!

Sometimes.

1. An entire seperate bag of all my lipsticks and lip glosses. That alone is sorta heavy!

2. A random OU ticket stub- OU vs. Texas Tech from last year. Don’t ask me why I still have it.

3. My iPod

4. 2 random Fracture ticket stubs. Hmm- do you see a theme?

5. My sunglasses

5 Things in my closet:

1.  A big fluffy white robe from here that I’ve never worn because it’s too fancy- well, it is in my mind anyway.

2. Sweaters. Lots of them. Yeah, yeah, I know where I live. Unfortunately we only go home when it’s cold and the only cute clothes they have out are for the winter.

3. A lot of shoes I don’t wear anymore.

4. Camis. Lots of camis.

5. Work out wear. I LOVE Champion!

5 Things in the world I want to see before I die:

1. Greece

2. Christ the Redeemer Statue

3. The “Wholly” Land (remember? I can’t say the actual place or it flags my post to the govt here)

4. England

5. The Rapture. I keep hoping it will happen in my lifetime.

Alright, alright. That’s all. I know the “I tag everyone that wants to do this” is stupid and generic, but well, I lack creativity this morning.

I had to work today, but thankfully I got to do it from home. That’s always better than having to go in. Plus I can download music and jam out without bothering my coworker. Secretly, between us, I think she likes my singing.

Want to know something totally random and funny? This morning I was doing work and checking my email and I noticed I had received an email from someone off my blog. I opened it up and it was a poem! I thought it was so sweet that someone would send me a poem. I was very touched. There was an image attached, so I opened it and do you know what it was!?

SPAM!

Those spammers are getting sneaky!

I felt like such a goof.

Oh well, funny ha-ha.

I’m off to the gym. That chocolate frosting isn’t going to go away on it’s own you know!

<3

So I’m pretty much a freaking idiot moron.

I’m busy as CRAP and am taking time to post. Hmmm…

Anyway-

I should be sitting at an emergency dental clinic right now, but instead I’m harnassed to a crappy desk chair pumping Red Bull through an IV to keep me going.

I’m totally shaking right now. Maybe I should lower the dosage.

I think I’m way too committed to my job.

Seriously.

I know I’ve mentioned it before, but I have TMJ. I’ve had it for a few years now. The last few weeks, though, it’s gotten bad. Today, however, was the worst. I was on my way to work and yawned- and got stuck. I was totally freaking out! I had to carefully move my jaw closed. It totally sucked. Then it felt all out of place and “grindy.” It felt wrong. I can barely open my mouth right now. Yeah- I’m real effective today. Did I mention I also had to lead a freaking meeting? I was like Monotone Girl today.

I think that should have been my cue to get in the car and go to the freaking dentist.

Ha- why would I do that when I can bask in the 126 degree heat and receive 142 emails today all about different “HOT” items that

MUST

BE

DONE

YESTERDAY!

AGHAHAH!!!

Anyway, who can resist that, right!? So I came in anyway.

I did, however, make an appointment for tomorrow night. The thought of going to a dentist in Kuwait makes me want to cry, but the lady I spoke with informed me this dentist was trained in America. In fact, when I called to make the appointment I taIked directly to him. His English is amazing. It made me feel a lot better. I wish I could fast forward time because quite honestly, I’m going to become immune to Aleve and Red Bull if it doesn’t come soon. I might have the shakes for the next 3 weeks.

I also had a mega huge coffee as lunch.

Can I just say liquid diets SUCK? Please, God, please allow me to eat! Man cannot live on liquid alone.

So, say a prayer for me. I need it. I hope the dentist is like, “hey! you’re just in time! We just invented a miracle pill that will make it all better in 3 minutes!”

I can wish, right?

Until then, Monotone Lady is heading back to her pile of work.

More to come…

I’m so mad right now! I just spent an hour posting my workout and finding examples of execution on the internet just to lose it all!

Two times in one week.

What bad luck. You’ve got to be freaking kidding me. It took me forever to find this stuff. I’m just going to go ahead and post it anyway. If you have questions I’ve got some good sites you can check out. I was so proud of this stupid post. Ha- that’s probably why I lost it.

This is the program I was doing up until this week. If you want my new one let me know and I’ll post that too. The new one has a lot of nautilis machines. So far I’m really like it too, but not as much as this one. I think free weights are amazing. Most of this workout is either done with free weights or a cable machine. I don’t claim to be an exercise genius, so please don’t knock my routine. This program has done great things for me. Remember to make your muscles work. You don’t want it to be easy. You also want to keep good form.

I used to do this three a times a week but it got way too time consuming so I would do the entire thing twice a week, splitting up the program into different days.

Legs
With all of these I’d do a set of 20 and increase my weight and do a set of 15. As I progressed with this program I’d increase my weight even more and only do a set of 12 on the second set.

Cable Squats
Cable Side Leg Lifts
Wide Stance Squat (with a dumbell)
Cable Leg Kickback
Single Leg Calf Raises (with a dumbell)

Chest
I’d do a set of 15, increase my weight and do a set of 12. As I progressed with this program I increased my weight even more and just did 9 on the second set.

Bench Press w/dumbells
Bench Flies w/dumbells
Chinning (this is done on a chin-dip machine. I’m not even sure this is the correct name of the exercise. It’s just what my trainer lady calls it. this exercise works the biceps too.)

Back
I’d do a set of 15, increase my weight and do a set of 12 or 9 depending on how heavy the weight was. With the Hyperextension I’d do two sets of 20.

One Arm Row (this is done with a dumbell)
Reverse Chinning
Hyperextension (this is done on this thing) It’s sort of like a backwards sit up. Freaking! See!? This is why my lost post was so important. Anyway, I’d do this one holding a weight.

Shoulders
One set of 15, I’d increase my weight and do a set of 12 or 9 depending on how heavy it was.

Upright Row
Alternate Front Raises

Biceps
One set of 15, I’d increase weight and I’d do a set of 12. As I progressed with this program I increased my weight even more and just did 9 on the second set.

Alternate Bicep Curl
Hammer Curl

Triceps
Same reps as above

One Arm Kickback
Tricep Dips (this is done on the chinning machine)

Abs
Declined Sit-ups w/weights
Reverse Crunches
Cable Crunches (this one is great!)

So that’s it. Sorry it wasn’t more detailed, but as you can imagine I was sick of looking up examples after the first time. Like I said, if you want the other one let me know. I have an elliptical at home, so I use that during the week too (not as often as I need to though). I do it twice a week- shut up! I know that’s not enough and I don’t need you telling me! Ever since Will’s been working out he’s become the “workout expert” (<- that topic is a post all on its own) and tells me all the time.

wow! I actually feel like I posted something worthwhile today. What a weird feeling. Don’t get accustomed to it.

Huh… I feel a little guilty posting this after eating half a pizza last night. Not to mention the fact that we’ll be eating something incredibly inappropriate for Will’s birthday. Plus cake. Oh well. One thing that comforts me is that muscle burns way more calories than fat.

More to come…

Crap.

That is what you’re being provided today.

I had this nice long post typed out. I left to go to a meeting and when I came back to post- my stupid session had timed out.

It was the best post I’ve ever written. Ever! It could never be recreated.

So now it’s just time to give you crap. Random crap at that. Let’s get started.

My mom, dad, and sister are enjoying a wonderful vacation back in the states right now.

My dad has his big high school reunion- where his old high school band is going to jam out to a few oldies! I so wish I could see this. My dad is a great drummer. I even bought him personalized drum sticks for father’s day that had his old band’s name on them. I don’t know if he’ll use them, though. He said he didn’t want to mess them up.

They’re also going to the Mall of A-freaking-merica! I’m so jealous. Not only that, but they’re also going to visit colleges for my baby sister P. Can you believe that!? She’s old enough to look for colleges now. I need cake.

No. I’m not bitter. Not bitter at all. Why would I be bitter about the fact that I’m stuck here in the Lake of Fire while my parents are living it up back home? That’s silly! Thankfully, my mounting Wal-Mart list is helping me sleep at night. It’s nice to have personal shoppers!

Oh- and they took Molly. Apparently they think that not only Will and I make sucky parents for a human child, but we’re so bad at parenting our own dogs that they wouldn’t leave theirs with us for a few measly weeks.

I swear I only lock them in the closet every other Sunday!

They said they like having her around and they didn’t want us to have our hands full. They’re lying guys, I know it. So, no Molly. Poor Boz and Lucy.

I think I’ll have to console myself with a piece of cake.

Speaking of! I’ve got a birthday boy in my house this week! Will is turning 27. I think we’re both more excited about the cake than the birthday. Then again, that’s pretty much life in general.

Will made me promise that since there are no parents in country we do whatever he wants. No obligatory dinners, no chores, no appointments- just fun. Or laziness. Whatever the case, I’m really looking forward to this weekend. Lord knows I need one after my sad night at the Steakhouse last week , and then the big double date the night after (that might need to be a seperate post). I need cake because of that too. I’ll be sure to take one for the team and consume an extra piece for all you lovelies out there.

Okay, since I’ve been droning on about cake (and every other boring facet in my life) I guess I should talk about the gym. I started a new program and I’m so excited about it! I was looking forward to it the whole way to the gym. I’m a creature of habit and if someone didn’t change something up for me every few months I’d still be stuck doing the same thing I did last year. I fear some of it is easier than what I was doing before, but hopefully I’m wrong. I worked my legs, triceps, and abs last night. My triceps are sore today, and I have a feeling my legs may be sore tomorrow, but I don’t think it will be too bad- I hope. If you’re interested let me know and I’ll post what I was doing before and what I’m doing now. It’s good stuff! It keeps all that cake from attaching itself to my entire body. Ha, the crowd rushes to request workout ideas...not!

What else?

Today Will ran into a soldier we went to church with a few years ago! What a small world, huh? I always wonder if we’ll see someone we know. I told Will he’d have to take the guy out to lunch one day. You know, to one of the many “fancy” restaurants we have on a military installation.

Want to know something weird? I think I’m afraid of my inbox. I would rather have a pile of work next to my inbox than to have it inside. I’m not quite sure why. All I know is that it makes me weirder than I thought. Seriously, I have two little piles going on right now and then a few things in my inbox- all which do not require my response or attention.

I did tell you this was crap, right?

On another random note, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today. I really want to have a crown in Heaven. I know that might sound silly and rather ambitious, but the book I’m reading has been talking about it and it’s helped me to remember life is a lot longer than the 75 years on this Earth.  It makes wonder if I’ll have a crown to lay at God’s feet.

See, I have short-timers syndrome. I can barely look ahead to next week let alone eternity. As dumb as this sounds, I sometimes forget my life goes beyond this short time on earth. Sure, I know that, but I forget that my life is bigger than what I think it is. It’s not just about punching in for work, going to sleep, and doing it all over again. It’s about a whole lot more!

That’s been my deep thought for the day. Well, my deep thought tightly condensed for a post entitled “Crap.”

Other than my vacation jealousy, there’s just not a whole lot going on in my life right now other than work. No babies, no looming babies, no vacations, and no other exciting news of note. Because of that, I think I need some cake.

Back to freaking cake! Don’t you love how my post always circles back to food?!

Will requested a Baskin Robbins cake for his birthday this year. He did me proud. Last year it was browines. Brownies!?! Who wants brownies on their birthday!? Not only that- but brownies with no frosting!

I think he wanted to hurt me.

This year, however, he’s more than made up for it. We will be having a chocolate cake with World Class Chocolate ice cream and chocolate frosting. My teeth hurt just thinking about it. Don’t tell his trainer though, okay?

P promised me she would read my blog while she was away, so I told her I’d give her a shout out every now and then, so that is how I shall end this post.

Private to P: Miss P, I love you! I hope you’re having a good vacation. You better write me. If you don’t I will hunt you down and make you do something crazy- like a pizza roll commercial. Ahahaha.

Crap. I miss her.

I need some cake. : )

Confession:

I have not read any of the Harry Potter books.

I have not seen any of the Harry Potter movies.

Apparently that officially makes me the most boring and uncool person on earth.

I post 3 4 times in one day. Mostly about nothing. Entirely about nothing.

Motivation?

Motivaaaaaation!!!!??

Hmm… that’s funny. Where did he go??

Let’s just hope he’s back tomorrow. I desperately need him. 

I post 3 times in one day. Mostly about nothing.

Eh… I’ll ponder that tomorrow…