Ha! What a shock. No meeting.

Don’t worry- if you chipped $5 into the pot you’re still covered.

I know you’re real worried.

By the way, did you know eye twitching is a result from: lack of sleep

Check!

Stress

Check!

and Caffiene

Check! Check! Check!

We’re about to have our 1st staff meeting in over three months.

Anyone want to place bets that my boss if finalyl getting us all together for a lovely Kum-bay-yah (ha ha, you love how I just spelled that, don’t you?) holding hands session-

Oh, and also to mention that we have to work the weekend?

I’m in $5.

Better hurry!

Does Dr. Pepper count as lunch?

...

If not, does it count as cheap therapy?

A swift kick in the butt perhaps?

Yeah, it’s gotta be the last one.

Okay, back to work. More to come (this is only part one afterall!).

I mentioned I recently got a new phone (remember? I was snapping pictures as if Boz were at his first Little League game).

Well, I thought today would be a good time to come clean and confess a daily game I play with my phone.

It’s called “How Many Times Did I Call Al Today!?”

You see, before getting this Nokia I had a Razr. That means all the buttons were protected. Now, however, I have this Nokia and all the buttons are naked and exposed much like Alicia Silverstone in her new PETA commercial, only, I’m pretty sure my phone is a carnivore.

Anyhow, my buttons are all naked and exposed, desperate to make a call- even sneaking behind my back to do so! I have this terrible habit of accidentally pranking people ALL THE FREAKING TIME!

It really sucks to be my friend if your name begins with an A. Seriously.

Okay, okay. I know what you’re thinking- “There’s a LOCK mechanism Brittny.” Yeah, yeah I know. I just don’t use it all the time.I don’t know why.

Don’t ask.

ANYWAY-

Where was I?

I’m accidentally pranking people ALL THE FREAKING TIME!

The first weekend I had my phone I called my coworker Al 23 times. 23 times! That’s crazy!

He’s a newlywed.

I’m sure his wife wants to stab a pencil in the little giggly junior high girl’s eye that

WOULDN’T

STOP

CALLING

HER

HUSBAND!

Can’t say I blame her.

The real bothersome thing was- “Uh- what all did he get to hear those 23 times?”

Talk about making your mind race!

I mean, it’s not like I hold the world’s secrets and get to wear cool 007 gadgets and have “assets” and talk in code or anything- but still!- I don’t want my coworker knowing that I spend an hour trying to decide what kind of deoderant to buy either!

He came into the office the weekend after the 23 million phone call escapade all curious about the bits and pieces of conversation he was privy too.

It’s amazing what you can glue together based on hearing 23 different phone calls. In fact, it’s a little embarrassing. I then had to convince him that Will was not going to be a judge on America’s Next Top Model and yes, I really did eat half a box of Bran Buds in less than a day and the consequences were less than desired.

Try saying that in a professional manner!

Yeah- that was fun.

Ever since that weekend I’ve been better about locking my phone.

However-

I’m still not perfect. I have my phone with me all the time. It’s constantly being shoved in my purse, hiding in my pocket, getting smashed against my hand as I try to hold 7 grocery sacks, unlock the house door, and text message my sister. Accidental phone calls are bound to occur.

Every day I come home and assess how many freaking times I accidentally called anyone whose name begins with the cursed A. Poor souls.

So, I decided to make a game of it. I look back at my records and see how many times I called and try to guess what I was doing at that time and what the person heard.

“Oops! They were in my pocket when I was in the ladies room today.”

“Ha ha, they know I had Subway today!”

“Hmm, I wonder if they got to hear about my theory on pants?”

Yes. I’m beyond nerdy. Hey- it’s Confession Monday though- what did you expect!?

Your turn to fess up. 

I’ve stooped to a whole new level.

Food Sneaking.

Yep.

My name is Brittny, and I’m a food sneaker.

I mentioned last week that Ramadan is taking place right now and that my coworker is Muslim and fasting.

I decided to be respectful of her fasting and forego any eating in the office. I’ll be honest and admit that I graze a lot of the day. I have my chewable vitamins around 9:00, my mid-morning snack around 10:00, lunch, and then another snack at 3:30ish.

Yeah, I know- shut up.

However, I decided to give this grazing up during Ramadan. Not eating my usual snacks has been a little more difficult than I though it would, but I’ve been holding strong.

Until today.

I got my Awesome Autumn package today (!!!YIPPEE!!!)- which I’ll post about in the next day or two.

I’ll go ahead and tell you that my partner sent me Dove chocolate (and surprisingly- they weren’t a melty mess! What a miracle!).

Chocolate is my Kryptonite. I’ll fold like a crushed aluminum can when faced with chocolate staring me down.

So, today I caved.

I totally sneaked some chocolate. Two pieces, to be exact. I so felt like I was back in elementary school trying to hide my extra huge wad of grape BubbleYum gum from the teacher.

I would cough, and unwrap the package a little bit.

Shuffle my feet and open it a little more.

Do a little nose sniff, and presto- the wrapper was off.

Then, the tricky part is trying to mask the smell of an awesome morsel of dove chocolate.

The key is to shove to stupid thing in your mouth and chew about 100 times a second (yep- that fast)- almost to the point where you can’t even enjoy your chocolate- almost.

Then, you have to clean your pallate to rid yourself of any evidence. That means you flush your mouth with water- which is also forbidden for a fasting Muslim.

I’m not sure how well I hid my chocolate scarf, but I’d like to think I did okay.

Sadly, in actuality, I probably didn’t. Boo.

However, I’ll continue to tell myself I did- just because I feel a little better knowing I didn’t drive my coworker crazy by the smell of Dove chocolate.

Back to the water thing-

Water drinking is something I won’t give up for my coworker. I have, however, tried my best to quietly open my bottles, drink slow and steadily- being sure not to gulp.

The biggest challenge has been using my crystal light packs. Shaking a bottle in hopes of dissolving the packet is nearly impossible! I’ve held it under my desk,

sloooowly rotated the bottle every 10 seconds,

shuffled papers while shaking,

and even went into a sneezing fit.

I still don’t think it worked.

Oh well- she’s got to know I’m drinking water. I pee every two hours.

I’ve been hiding my ice coffee behind my computer screen so that when she gets up from her desk she doesn’t see anything.

It’s been a lot of work! I feel like I have a second job! ha ha.

All I have to say is: It’s going to be a long month!

I better get better at this cough, shuffle, and unwrap bit.

More to come…

Um-

Does anyone think it’s totally BIZARO to send an email to someone I’m LITERALLY 2 1/2 feet from?

Yes, that’s right- I’m close enough to smell her deoderant (Hmm… Secret Platinum??) and we’re communicating via email.

What’s next? Am I going to be required to telephone her? Ahaha- that would be so funny.

Hmmm… maybe I should just do that for fun.

We get along great, but I always find it freaking hilarious when we do this email thing (I think it’s because she’s fasting and it makes her mouth really dry to talk.. think shards of cottony spit flying right at your face)

“Uh, hello! I’m right here. You can even whisper if you’d like! Hey! We could even play charades! How fun would that be!?”

Yesssss!! Charades <3

***

PS- Download every Thievery Corporation song you can find to your iPod and label the folder "Stuff to Listen to at Work. It Will Inspire Creativity and Calm Thinking, Make Me a Freaking Genius, and Most Importantly- a Model Employee" <- will that even fit as a folder name? Hmm...

Seriously. I feel a promotion looming. 

I’m writing to apologize.

I am forced to run a retraction of this post.

I’m embarrassed and ashamed of providing you faulty information. You should all know hard I try to provide you with quality and accurate informative blog posts (ha).

The truth is, when I stated that my new manager was 71 I was incorrect.

71 is still young, fresh, youthful…

My manager is, in fact, 75.

To be exact- he will be turning 76 this year.

Yes, that’s correct, 76.

Not 71.

I’ll let you check your pants now because I’m sure, like me, you just crapped all over yourself.

Sorry for the error. I guess I was giving this spring chick extra credit.

That is all.

Why You Should Be Investing Your Money Now So That You Can Retire and Enjoy Life:

So I know I’ve said that a few times throughout my duration of working in Kuwait, and here I am at it again.

Now’s about the time I wish I had a “private” blog where I could talk about everything under the sun without fear that some psycho in an oversized pit-stained Hanes t-shirt and undies wasn’t on the other side mowing down on a can of Alpo and Ritz forwarding this stuff to the Powers That Be.

But-

Since I dont, I’ll just give you the highlights.

The high is 117 today.

It’s incredibly humid.

The working conditions are harsh, the hours are long, and the job is demanding.

It’s not for the faint of heart.

It is, apparently, for the almost faint of heart.

Just ask my newly hired seventy-one year old manager.

I’m suddenly wishing I had paid more attention in my CPR class.

My boss was talking about being so busy yesterday to the point where he was going to the bathroom and at the same time getting a phone call asking where he was and why he wasn’t where he needed to be.

For some unknown reason, known only by God and pretty little tinkle fairies in pink dresses, I chimed in with, “Yeah- sometimes I feel so busy that I feel guilty going to the bathroom too.”

Silence.

Crickets chirping.

He just looked at me, slightly cocked his head like a newborn pup that has no idea what the crap was just said to him and responds with,

“Yeah. Uh- what I was getting at was how I didn’t have a moment to myself yesterday.”

Right.

I’m just a freaking idiot and now you know that for me, peeing at work is guilty pleasure.

Way to foster good workforce communication, Brittny.

Okay, so I thought I would do another “churchy” post again this Sunday. It could be because it’s becoming a tradition. It could also be because I feel like the Kuwaiti desert when it comes to blog material. I’m all dried up and shriveled. Hopefully this spell will end soon.

Anyhow- Sunday. Back to the matter at hand.

Matthew 25:13

“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.”

I have a really busy job. I’m always joking with Will that I feel like “I work all day.” Ha ha, okay, so I know that’s the point of work-but seriously! I know very few people that don’t have time to check and respond to their personal email first thing in the morning or something, but it seems as though I’ve become that person.

I’ll get into the office, get settled, open my email-

and then it sits

and sits

and I’ll open a letter

read it

then it sits some more.

Then i’ll start typing a response

and it will sit

a few hours

a whole afternoon

the rest of the day

until finally 4 days letter I finish the email and send it to my poor friend. Seriously- they will vouch for this.

There are times when I’m like, “Okay! Buckle down Brittny! Focus! Take 10 minutes and fire off a good half of an email, and then take another 10 minutes later in the day.”

So, I’ll focus on the “job” I’ve given myself. However, as soon as I start guess what happens?

The Boss walks in.

It never EVER fails. I swear, it’s like he’s programmed to sniff out yahoo or gmail or any other email service that isn’t Outlook. He’s an internet bloodhound I tell you.

To make matters worse, my back is to the door, so he walks in, and I haven’t a prayer.

The Alt-Tab button can’t even change the screen in time. I’m a goner.

So then I feel all bad because I know there’s a ton of work that needs to be done and here I am, typing away to a friend.

Busted.

So then after he leaves I feel extra paranoid for the next hour that he’s going to walk in again. That totally dashes any chance of me finishing an email that day- that’s for certain! I’m always thinking to myself, “Is he going to catch me emailing again? Is he going to sneak up behind me to make sure I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing! I DO WORK! I SWEAR! You just always catch me when I’m not.” I always end up feeling a little guilty the rest of the day because I know the work I’m doing and I want to make sure he knows that too.

Does that make sense?

I guess I’m simply trying to say, that I should always be about my job’s work. That’s my job and I need to be doing it because I never know when the boss is going to show up at my desk.

The same goes for my walk with Christ. I’ve been really lazy lately. I definitely haven’t been on my guard for fear the the Lord would catch me slacking the way I fear the same thing at work. I don’t know why that is, but it’s sure got me thinking! I need to be about God’s work and care just as much as I do about my job’s work. I’m just as much tied to God’s work as I am to “work work,” so really- why the different attitude?

I really want to be ready the day the Lord comes and I want him to see me busy with his work and be like, “Wow! Gold Star!” Okay, maybe God wouldn’t say “Wow, Gold star!” but you catch my drift.

So that’s what I’ve been thinking about the last few days. I really want to be consumed about God’s work the way I am (and even moreso) with the way I am with my job’s work.

I gotta believe the pay off is way better anyway.