My Last Full Day in Kuwait

We got up relatively early yesterday.

I showered, got ready, ate toast with P, and hung around my parent’s house. Around 9:45 my mom dropped me and P off at The Avenues so we could spend some gift cards. Our mission was to find me work clothes and P a gold bracelet to wear to prom.

H&M was the first stop where I attempted to do damage- only I couldn’t find much. I found one dress for 5 KD, but when I tried to pay for it with my 10 KD gift card they totally freaked out. Apparently you can’t just use part of a gift card in this country- it’s all or nothing. I bantered back and forth, got mad, and left. Repeat the above incident with the next 2 stores and my frustration level was through the roof. We did some more browsing and I began to get discouraged. I couldn’t find anything.

We finally stopped in Debenham’s and I found so many beautiful outfits. I found a dress, a top, a swimsuit, and a ring for 50 KD (the exact amount of my gift cards). I went to pay, expecting no trouble this time, only to have the assistant manager come to me and ask where I got these gift cards. I told him I got them as a gift. He excused himself for a moment and then came back to tell me I couldn’t use the cards because there was no issuing store written on the back. Apparently it made it look like I had stolen the gift cards.

At this point I was livid. “I can’t use these gift cards because someone wasn’t efficient at their job? I might as well have lit 50 KD on fire!”

“Come back tomorrow madam and we will try to track down where this code was issued.”

“I’m flying out tomorrow.”

“No- just come back tomorrow, no worries.”

“I’m flying OUT tomorrow. I’m not coming back.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah- so am I!”

P and I took off- and I was extremely pissed from that point on. Oh the fun of living in Kuwait. Nothing is ever easy.

We decided it was time for lunch after the whole gift card fiasco. P decided it was time to expand my tastes, so it was Indian food at Asha’s. I wasn’t ready for curry, so I stuck with something fairly simple and really liked it. Don’t ask me what it was, though. Something with cottage cheese and mustard and vegetables- all with a fancy Hindi title of course. We talked about college, and what my life will be like at home. We talked about travel and food, and all the reasons I shouldn’t move to America.

After Asha’s we did some more browsing, stopped at a pharmacy, and headed home. We didn’t do too much after that. Will and my dad came home from our apartment with the last of the stuff we planned to ship. We just lounged around the house for a few hours and looked for houses Will and I could buy back home. After while, my mom decided to take me back to the mall so I could get the clothes I had tried to buy earlier. She paid, and assured me she would get the whole gift card thing settled once I left. I told her to use them to buy herself something nice, since she had just purchased clothes for me. I hope she does.

By then it was time for dinner. We decided to do Casper and Gambini’s one last time for good measure. I’m glad we did.

Streams of Consciousness

After dinner, we just sat around the house. P and I looked at stuff online- I think she was trying to cheer me up. My disposition began to decline as the evening continued. My heart began to feel heavy, and after 3 weeks of rushing and stressing and worrying, it finally began to sink in that this was my last night in Kuwait. That my time was done and I was going to have to go back to a place that, in all honesty, I don’t want to go. P tried so hard to be positive and tell me all the great and wonderful things I had to look forward to, yet none of them seemed to make me stop hurting.

P seems to be the only person that gets that. Everyone else thinks I’m crazy for feeling the way I do- I mean- why wouldn’t I want to go back home? As P and I discussed last night, it’s because I have two “homes” now. So many people don’t understand that.

I dread the thought of returning to a place where minds are so closed. Where life doesn’t exist anywhere else outside of people’s tiny fenced in houses. Where people don’t have entirely different lives across an ocean that seems to grow smaller as each year passes. The truth is that there is this huge sky out there that envelops this whole big world that goes on when we’re sleeping or working or eating. Far bigger than those backyard fences.

I know I’m being totally stereotypical. I realize so many people value and realize life outside of their own egocentric happenings. The trouble is that where I’m going, life is so small. Minds are so closed. I’m so different than I was 3 years ago, so much better, and I dread returning to a place and it being just like it was when I left it. Will likes that. I guess that’s what makes it “home.” He’s so lucky, and since I’m being honest with you guys, I envy his excitement. Why can’t I just be happy and excited about this change?

One reason is that I don’t handle change well. At all. Life here is what I know now. It’s normal and comfortable. I’m scared to move home. The other reason is that this all happened so fast. We were supposed to have a “transition out plan” where I could prepare myself to leave. Where I could get myself ready for all these things I’m feeling right now. Also- moving wasn’t supposed to be hard! I always knew there would be an end date to our time here, but it seemed so far away, and I always imagined it being an easy tie to cut. Another thing is that I’ve been around my family my entire life. They’ve always been near, and now they’re a once a year trip away. I know people live their lives like this all the time, but again, I always imagined them being close. The thought of them being so far away brings tears to my eyes.

If I told you I was ready to start this new chapter in my life, I’d be lying. I’m ready because I know, without a doubt, it’s God’s will for us to return to the states. However, although I know that in my soul, the rest of me seems to be in argument. Obedience isn’t always easy, right? Why couldn’t I have an easy lesson!? This has been the biggest test and move of faith in my entire life, and certainly the most painful thus far. I just want things to be like they were before. They didn’t hurt then.

My heart seems so full of emotions but for some reason I can’t verbalize how I feel. So- I won’t continue to try. I just wanted to write so (hopefully) 3 more years from now I’ll look back, laugh at myself, and say, “Oh Brittny, if you only knew how life was going to turn out!”

I hope that’s what happens.

So I bid this amazing adventurous chapter in my life farewell and trade it in for the slow lane. There are so many things I won’t miss about Kuwait, but far more that I will. This place has made me a much better person, and I’m so thankful for my time here. I don’t know what lies ahead, but I know I’ll be okay. I just wish it didn’t hurt to walk away.

<3

See you in America…

Not!

If you ever want to test your sanity- move. That’s seriously all you need to do.

Will? He’s officially crazy.

Me? Well… we always knew I was a little unstable.

Moving has taken my marriage to a whole new level of…er… closeness.

“Will! Why are you shipping 100 pounds of clothes you’re NEVER going to wear again!? These things literally stayed in boxes for our entire 3 years here!”

“Because. I’m going to lose weight when I go home.”

“That’s what you said in 2005 when we moved over here.”

**

“Brittny- are you even trying to pack correctly and conserve space?”

“Of course I am! In fact- I think I’m doing a pretty good job!”

Sigh, “Brittny- move out of the way. Let a professional do it.”

“Pft- ‘Professional.’ Oh. Apparently I’m a moron and just drool on myself and am incapable of helping!?”

Yeah. That’s been the lovely conversations between the B-Love family this past week. I’ve crammed, stuffed, and folded more items that I care to mention- and then Will has gone behind me and crammed, stuffed, and folded the exact same items again. Oddly enough- this move has definitely brought us closer. I know it’s hard to believe when you see the banter above!

Oh guys, this week has been hell. We originally planned to have movers come and pack everything up for us because we were on such a short schedule. Well, the former Emir of Kuwait died last week and the whole thing put Kuwait business on hold for 3 days. So- we weren’t able to get a quote until Saturday.

$6,000.

$6,000 to move everything from here to the States! We just stared at each other in shock. So- Saturday night we had a whole different change of plans- aside from a few big pieces we would do our own shipping through the Army post office.

Yes- 3 years worth of stuff being shipped in footlockers. Plus Will can’t access camp anymore so it’s me and my dad lugging 15 footlockers to the army post office everyday this week. And the high is like 115. Yeah- that’s been fun. I mentioned that moving tests your mental strength, right?

The worst part of all is that the next 2 weeks of my life will be worse- far worse. I’m seriously just praying God will make provisions. He’s orchestrated this whole thing so beautifully. Guys, it’s been insane how things have worked out. It’s been perfect, which is yet another confirmation we’re supposed to go. I just have to continue to trust that these next 2 weeks will work out just like these 2 have.

Tomorrow is my last day of work, but it’s all full of out processing, so today is really my last actual work day. Guys, when I thought about this whole “moving thing” in my head it went so differently than reality. I guess that’s how life works. In my mind we had a plan. We had time to pack, and make arrangements, and go to “our place” just one last time. We had time to enjoy the “lasts” of everything. I wanted time to post my thoughts, to write about what I was doing and how I was feeling. However, in reality everything is moving so quickly that I haven’t had time to realize, “Brittny- this is it. Your time in the middle east is over.” I guess if I’m honest with you guys, I’m sort of glad I haven’t had time to let the truth sink in. The truth, when if finally hits me, is going to be painful. Just typing about it makes my heart start to hurt. I haven’t had time to miss anything, and I think that’s good. Maybe that’s another one of those God orchestrations. He knows my exit needs to be like a band-aid being ripped off skin. He’s right. Having time to dwell would only make me sad and I certainly don’t need that! Staying busy has been a good thing. 

I have so many things I want to share with you guys. There is just so much going on with my life right now! I really hope to post one last time before we leave, so hopefully I’ll be able to do that. We’re staying with my parents this weekend so I’m going to try to get on a computer while I’m there. I’ll be home in just a few days and I still can’t fathom it all. I guess it’s because I’m up to my eyes in footlockers and SO MUCH FREAKING CRAP that needs to be packed. Seriously- I can’t believe all the stuff we have.

Also- I’m really sorry I haven’t been commenting lately. You guys have been such great and supportive friends and I haven’t really reciprocated that this week, and I apologize. I must also admit, I doubt I’ll comment for the next few weeks either. Know you’re in my thoughts and prayers. I think about you often and I look forward to catching up stateside. More to come from Kuwait…

I think I hurt my dad’s feelings today and I hate that.

I didn’t hurt them by saying something or intentionally doing something stupid, yet I know I left with him feeling sad as I got out of the car from our lunch date today. He was positive, yet quiet, and I know a lot was on his mind.

As I got out of the car I just felt like crying and hiding in my bed forever. What a strange feeling for a grown woman, but that’s what I felt. I just wanted God to be wrong or come from behind the corner in some awful leisure suit and be like, “Ahahaha, gotcha Brittny! This is all going to go away- and for being such a good sport you win an NIV copy of the book of James!”

Wait, I retract the leisure suit comment. God totally has good taste in clothes, right?

Anyway- I just felt so bad having to be courageous today.

My heart hurts because I know more sadness may be on the way and I just hate it guys, I really hate it.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I have lots and lots to talk about. Sorry I’ve been MIA this week. More to come soon.

PS- Remember the whole “you have to move out of your apartment because we’re remodeling and oh by the way since you have dogs you can’t come back” issue? Yeah, well, we’re moving this weekend. Right next door. Very exciting yet at the same time a little melancholy.

Love you guys. I promise- a real post soon! Blame my boss.

oh and PPS- I was totally about to name this post My Sad Dad- but it just made me laugh so much because it rhymed and I felt as though I shouldn’t have a freaking hilarious rhyming title for something sort of sad. Just had to throw that in to make you guys smile. <3

I turned 25 on the 14th.

Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s not old, but it does seem as if 25 comes with a whole new host of responsibilities and expectations. 25 is so… adult. I know I’ve been an adult for quite some time now, but when I look back and think about the times I heard someone tell me they were 25 I assumed certain things about them and their life. I’m quickly finding how silly assumptions are!

25 comes with financial stability, “when are you having kids?” and a real career. It’s not playtime anymore. It’s not a “cute” age. If I had a dollar for every time I was called a “baby” at work because I was 24 I wouldn’t have to live in Kuwait anymore. I could go home and retire. 25 surpasses all those things. I’m officially not at the kids table anymore. It’s all silverware and white tablecloths from here on out.

I guess I’m feeling reflective because 25 seems as though I should be at a certain point of my life and I don’t feel as though I am. Sure, you can’t plan life. You can spend a whole lifetime planning life and be disappointed when all those plans never come to fruition. It’s not that I mapped out my life, it’s just that I guess when I think of being 25 I don’t think of “this-” as in me this very second.

I don’t know…

I guess it’s got me thinking about a lot of things. About kids. About how I always thought as I got older I would want to have them. How I constantly told myself I didn’t want any ever and how I knew I was saying that just because I was young and I was just sure I would change my mind as I got older. Granted, perhaps that’s true. I’m still young, and maybe as I creep into the late 20s my mind will change, but I’m really starting to think that maybe what I’ve said all along is honest- I really don’t want to have kids.

It’s got me thinking about what the hell I’m doing here. Seriously- what am I doing here? Is God using me the same way He could use me elsewhere? I don’t know. I’ve been so convinced He’s had me here for this huge purpose and plan- but is that true? I mean, I know God is in control and he can do whatever he wants, but I guess I’m wondering if perhaps He’s trying to tell me something and I’m not listening. Are we really here for “God’s glory?” I truly believe he has allowed us to live here for some reason I just don’t know what reason that is. Maybe I’ll never know. Maybe it is some huge “purpose and plan” as I mentioned earlier. Maybe it’s something totally unnoticed by all but one. I don’t really know.

The above subject inevitably gets me thinking about home. Do you realize that initially, when we first arrived here back in 2005, our goal was to stay 3 years and then go home? Can you believe 3 years is already done? In about 3 weeks I will have lived here 3 years. Technically, if we go back to that “mapped out plan” I referred to earlier we’re supposed to be closing up shop and heading home. We talk about another year, another 2 years, and sometimes leaving tomorrow… we have no real plan just yet.

Then I think about how badly I’ve been hurt and constantly screwed by my job and it’s got me thinking I really just need to start looking for something elsewhere. I think about how I don’t think I’m ready to leave. How I want to stay so badly. How it would break my heart and will to have to move home right now. I’ve lived near my family for the last 25 years and to think of them being in Kuwait, my sister being in college over here, and me back home? It pains me. I think about how maybe that’s all apart of God’s plan. I think about if that is part of his plan and how much it would hurt me. How mad and ripped off I would feel. How hard it would be to obey God, and how heartbroken I would be. I know obedience is not always easy, but what I know and what I feel are so different.

I think about work this week and how awful it was. How in the last year I have seen so many people come and go, come and get fired… just so much pain and turnover. It takes a toll on the people that have had to come here everyday and witness these constant changes- it gets tiring after a while! I feel like my department is the kid whose parents have gotten divorced and now there’s some huge custody battle that never ends. I’ve had a very crappy week professionally, and the thought of coming in to work today really took a toll.

Then I think about Will’s dad. In the middle of the night yesterday we got a call from Will’s brother (I started this post before we got this call).

Middle of the night calls are never good.

We learned that his dad had collapsed- and thankfully Will’s mom was still at the house to find him and call 911. They rushed him to the hospital where they’ve placed him in ICU. He has a massive blood clot in his heart and lung. It was a real close call and very scary. Will and I took the day off yesterday as we awaited updates. He’ll be in ICU for the next few days, but thankfully he started breathing on his own again yesterday afternoon so that was an encouragement. We’re hoping the worst is over. It was such a scare and I worry about Will. He’s so close to his dad. Yesterday’s news really drove home the fact that life is short and we really need to begin thinking about our future plans and were we’re supposed to be. Is it here? I’m not sure…

I just have a lot on my mind my first few days as a “real” adult. Life is about so much more than the small package we seem to create for it. I don’t know what all that means, but I know it’s got me thinking about a lot of different things and possibilities.

Please keep us in your prayers. I will update you guys on Will’s dad as I hear things. Thanks for your support and letting me vent. It’s been quite a week.

The other day I was really feeling low about things. I felt as though I didn’t have as much time for Will and I wanted. I started to feel bad- like really bad. As if I had let him down. The thought of disappointing him really hurt my heart.

For some reason something and God clearly said plain as day, “Gee, Brittny, it sure would be nice if you felt that way about me.”

Ouch.

How right though. That tends to be my attitude so often- worry about the tangible, temporary things and so little about eternal things.

Each day I’ve been trying to take God everywhere I go and to be mindful of the fact that He’s always with me. That if I wanted, my whole day could be spent with God. That’s so what I want. To set my mind on things above. Not just on Easter, but on Tuesdays, and scattered Thrusday, and every single day.

Happy Easter. May the Lord bless your heart the way He does mine, and may we be mindful of him each day. Love you guys.

Random Thoughts Today.

Hmm, might we classify this as a Series of Short Posts kind of thing only condensed into one big post?

Perhaps.

We don’t want to get too wild though. Maybe we’ll just classify it as “a lot of stupid things on my mind that probably ought to be posted one at a time but because the blogger is lazy (and feeling slightly chubby today) it’s lumped into one big bowl of mush.”

Don’t they call that “The kitchen floor dish” at restaurants? You know- putting everything into one bowl or on one pizza, etc?

Yuck. No kitchen floor for me, please!

Okay, let’s see. Here are some random things I’ve been thinking about today. Subject changes are identified in bold.

The cruise.

I’ve wanted to post about this topic for a while, but I’m such a goody too shoes that I’ve been afraid to. See, growing up my whole life I was told that drinking of any kind was a total sin and you would be judged and might even turn into a shriveled grape! However, as I’ve gotten older my mind has slightly changed. No, I’m no wine-o at all, don’t worry about that. It’s something I ought to pray more on before I make a final decision, but anyway that’s another post for another day.

Crap… I’m getting really sidetracked.

Anyway, I didn’t want to post about it because I know there are lot of my fellow sisters in Christ that probably have their own view on the subject- some of which know me in “real life” and would go back and report to my pastor that I’ve fallen away and that the deacons need to come lay hands and pray over me.

Jacqueline, Lyna, Megan? Yeah- that would be you guys. Do you guys think I’m a heathen now?

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. I didn’t want to post about it all because it’s such a controversial topic. Plus, as an ordained minister’s wife it’s even touchier. I didn’t feel like having to defend my views or having to worry if I were “causing a sister to stumble” so I haven’t posted on it. However, what the hey- let’s truck on. Don’t judge me.

There is this excursion that sounds amazing! It’s at one of our Italy stops. You can cook dinner with a chef from the area and then visit the vineyards, which also includes a complimentary wine tasting. Do you see where I’m going with this? Anyway, I’m trying to see if P will be able to go since she’ll be 18 and legal in Italy. I’ve sent two emails and have heard nothing. I want us to book a few excursions in the coming weeks just to take care of them, but not knowing if she’ll be legal is cumbersome to the process.

Sheesh. You see that paragraph above? Yeah that was the whole point of what I wanted to say. Unfortunately it took me about 2,000 words of tiptoeing to get there. My goodness. I’m a nerd sometimes. I really am.

Anyway, do any of you guys have a cruise experience with someone under 21? Apparently the cruise line is too busy sewing show dresses out of my down payment to answer.

Alright, now that you guys think I’m an alcoholic let’s move on.

Mika.

I have the Big Girl You Are Beautiful song stuck in my head. Which is making me feel even chubbier today. Hmm, perhaps that is why I’m feeling that way. It’s also making me hungry. Explain how THAT makes sense- feeling chubby but hungry at the same time?

We need to find another song to hum this afternoon. Let’s think on that.

Today I got to have lunch with my mom and a lady she works with, so that was nice. This lady is so beautiful. Even in the middle of summer not a hair is out of place and she never sweats (maybe she’s got magical powers! I could have used her yesterday).

Anyway, I brought my lunch from home and I was going to go with them to get something. we went to a coffee place to sit and I was like, “Aren’t you going to get something?” and she was like, “Coffee IS lunch.” Ha ha, then she drank a coffee and smoked a cigarette and was done with it. I guess she’s on the smoking diet because she’s super small. I don’t know why I told you that, but I thought it was funny. She was so matter of fact about how “duh, Brittny! Coffee IS a meal!” silly me. Perhaps that’s what I need to be doing to lose weight. Eating healthy is so not in anymore. ha ha

Ooh! Speaking of eating healthy, you ladies (and gents… if any of you are our there) need to join me and my other beautiful blogging friends! We’re in a Blogging Sparkpeople Group! What a fun idea, right? I did mention that I was feeling lazy (and chubby) today, right? Yeah. About right _________ there is where I would have given you the link. Only, yeah, not today. If you want some information let me know and I’ll send the link.

I figured this cruise to be the perfect motivation to lose those last few pounds I’ve wanted to get rid of.

Fun fact!

I haven’t been in a swimsuit since 2005.

Yes.

You read right.

2005.

Wait!

Retraction.

I did once this past August when Will was home and I stayed with my family. They used to be members at a resort and I wore one for about 45 minutes. It just that public beaches don’t really like women prancing around in swimsuits. There are plenty of private beaches, but Will isn’t a beach person at all, so we never go. It’s not that I hate being in a suit (okay, yeah, it’s probably a little of that too.), it’s just that Will doesn’t we don’t do water.

So, I figured I’d be spending some time in a suit on the cruise. I also figured that since my sister is freaking hot (am I allowed to say that? I used to date a guy that joked about himself saying, “My sister is hot… and I look just like her.” Ha ha. I always thought that was totally vain, and I would never say that because, quite honestly, I don’t think my sister and I look anything alike!”) I ought to at least try to look acceptable when I stand next to her! Ha ha. My pasty whiteness isn’t going to do me any favors either. So, I’m going to really buckle so come this summer I feel more confident in a swimsuit.

Although, aside from about 6 women worldwide, does anyone really get excited about parading around in a bikini? Oh- and living in Kuwait has TOTALLY screwed me up.

That’s the real root of the whole problem.

I mean, I see a woman in shorts and a halter and I seriously think to myself, “Uh- trampy!” ha ha, which in actuality that is totally acceptable clothing in the states. I haven’t worn shorts in public in years either! I’m telling you- this place has made me weird. The thought of wearing a swimsuit makes me feel totally sleazy. Ha ha! I’m telling you Kuwait is jacking me up!

My sister got back from New York yesterday. I think we’re going out for sushi tomorrow to celebrate her birthday. Will (and the rest of my family) was THRILLED with her restaurant choice. Lucky for them, the also offer food off their grill, so my family will not starve. My mom is getting some fancy cake she requested too, so that will be nice. I can’t wait to hear about her trip.

Tomorrow Bozzy Wozzy goes under the knife. Let’s just hope this time its the real deal. I expect him to come out barking in soprano, dang it!

I’m not sure if you guys remember or not, but when I first got here I was really lonely. I desperately wanted a good friend. Well, that never happened! I used to pray for it all the time, but I never got that friend I wanted so badly. For some reason I stopped praying for that over the years, however, as I continue to do my PDL I realize that it would be nice to have a good Christian friend here. Finding that here is certainly something only God could do. I decided to start praying for a friend here. I’ll keep you posted.

What else?…

Wow, has it really happened? I’ve finally run out of things to yammer about today? Apparently so. I really should have kept each topic in my pockets so I would have had a week’s worth of information to post about.... bummer. Oh well, we’ve come this far. Might as well make it some giant post.

Because nothing is greater than being incredibly bored and reading 34 paragraphs about someone else’s boring life too, right? ha ha

If you’ve reached the end, you’re a warrior. Go do something incredibly barbaric and uh, warriorish and visit tomorrow.

<3

Okay Guys- please be sure to say hello to God today.

I’m doing Purpose Driven Life again this year and am once again reminded that to be more intimate with God we need to be more aware of the fact that He is always with us.

So, I’ve been really trying to take him everywhere. I even made Will tell him hello at dinner the other night. I know it sounds silly, but it’s been this open-ended conversation for about a week now and it’s really nice.

Although, I think people think I’m slightly schizo when I’m talking “to myself” when I’m in the car.

So- tell God hi in the Share the Love block!

I’m looking at two very pathetic looking dogs right now.

It’s as if they know we’re leaving them.

I’m trying to stay positive and tell them how great the “doggie hotel” is going to be, but I’m pretty sure they don’t buy it. In fact, I totally heard Lucy call me a lying little piece of crap under her breath. In most cases I would have said, “Lucy! That’s really rude!” However, I can’t really blame her. In this case, I really am a lying little piece of crap.

I’m sure they’ll fare well, but I can’t help by worry a little. I take back making fun of every mother that flew off the handle in a fit of snotty tears because left their kid with a babysitter overnight. I’m so there with you. Okay, not quite, but I do feel a little guilty.

I hope they’re not too mad when we come back- and I hope they don’t come back barking in Arabic.

That would really confuse me.

Anyway-

That work thing I asked you to pray about? Well, I decided against it. Oddly enough, another “thing” sort of came up. Could that be another way for God to answer my prayers?? I don’t know. Keep praying. I am. We’ll see.

Speaking of praying- seriously guys- PRAY! I’m totally trying to focus my mind and heart on my trip to Jordan and it seems as if I’m being attacked from all sides. What a shock, right? I really want this trip in Jordan to be spiritual, and I feel as though I’m facing road block after road block. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, things always seem to happen that way. There is so much for me to see and learn while I’m in Jordan, and I really want to have a focused heart and mind, and all I seem to be thinking (and worrying) about is all the crap I’m leaving behind. I feel like people are mad at me for leaving. I know where all those things and feelings are coming from, so I’m just continuing to pray that my heart and mind will be set on things above and not on the things of this earth.

Okay, sorry for the mini sermon. My focus for this trip has been on my mind, as you can clearly see!

It’s a lot cooler in Jordan than it is here. I think the highs are in the 60s and low 70s. I’m so excited about the weather! From what I understand, Petra is ALL WALKING, so I’ll get to enjoy plenty of the wonderful weather while I’m there. I’m a little disappointed, though. I really wanted to try swimming in the Dead Sea. I hear it’s one of the coolest experiences ever. Like you can literally sit upright and read the newspaper right in the middle of the sea. How cool. Oh well, it will just be cool to see it and stick my feet in. No swimming when it’s that cold!

I’m also a tad bummed because (CRAP! I don’t remember his name!) there is this Iranian-American comedian that has a show called The Axis of Evil and he just finished up a tour in Jordan yesterday! What a bummer. I think it would have been HILARIOUS to see him in a Middle Eastern country. Bummer. I think he’s done a few comedy central shows, but I don’t remember off the top of my head. Oh well. I’ll just have to have P tell me some jokes. fun fun.

Okay, I guess I should quit yapping and start packing and spending some time with the dogs our last day together. Shh- don’t tell them that though.

Talk to you guys soon. More to come.

Okay, so I thought I would do another “churchy” post again this Sunday. It could be because it’s becoming a tradition. It could also be because I feel like the Kuwaiti desert when it comes to blog material. I’m all dried up and shriveled. Hopefully this spell will end soon.

Anyhow- Sunday. Back to the matter at hand.

Matthew 25:13

“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.”

I have a really busy job. I’m always joking with Will that I feel like “I work all day.” Ha ha, okay, so I know that’s the point of work-but seriously! I know very few people that don’t have time to check and respond to their personal email first thing in the morning or something, but it seems as though I’ve become that person.

I’ll get into the office, get settled, open my email-

and then it sits

and sits

and I’ll open a letter

read it

then it sits some more.

Then i’ll start typing a response

and it will sit

a few hours

a whole afternoon

the rest of the day

until finally 4 days letter I finish the email and send it to my poor friend. Seriously- they will vouch for this.

There are times when I’m like, “Okay! Buckle down Brittny! Focus! Take 10 minutes and fire off a good half of an email, and then take another 10 minutes later in the day.”

So, I’ll focus on the “job” I’ve given myself. However, as soon as I start guess what happens?

The Boss walks in.

It never EVER fails. I swear, it’s like he’s programmed to sniff out yahoo or gmail or any other email service that isn’t Outlook. He’s an internet bloodhound I tell you.

To make matters worse, my back is to the door, so he walks in, and I haven’t a prayer.

The Alt-Tab button can’t even change the screen in time. I’m a goner.

So then I feel all bad because I know there’s a ton of work that needs to be done and here I am, typing away to a friend.

Busted.

So then after he leaves I feel extra paranoid for the next hour that he’s going to walk in again. That totally dashes any chance of me finishing an email that day- that’s for certain! I’m always thinking to myself, “Is he going to catch me emailing again? Is he going to sneak up behind me to make sure I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing! I DO WORK! I SWEAR! You just always catch me when I’m not.” I always end up feeling a little guilty the rest of the day because I know the work I’m doing and I want to make sure he knows that too.

Does that make sense?

I guess I’m simply trying to say, that I should always be about my job’s work. That’s my job and I need to be doing it because I never know when the boss is going to show up at my desk.

The same goes for my walk with Christ. I’ve been really lazy lately. I definitely haven’t been on my guard for fear the the Lord would catch me slacking the way I fear the same thing at work. I don’t know why that is, but it’s sure got me thinking! I need to be about God’s work and care just as much as I do about my job’s work. I’m just as much tied to God’s work as I am to “work work,” so really- why the different attitude?

I really want to be ready the day the Lord comes and I want him to see me busy with his work and be like, “Wow! Gold Star!” Okay, maybe God wouldn’t say “Wow, Gold star!” but you catch my drift.

So that’s what I’ve been thinking about the last few days. I really want to be consumed about God’s work the way I am (and even moreso) with the way I am with my job’s work.

I gotta believe the pay off is way better anyway. 

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does- comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who des the will of God lives forever. “

-1 John 2: 15-17

This morning I was doing my daily Bible study. I’ve been stuck in Daniel for a long time now. I got this great prophetic commentary on the entire Bible to read along with what I’m doing, but it’s proven to be a time consuming process.

For some reason I was using Will’s Bible instead of my own- probably because his isn’t filled with candy from 3 years ago and pens that don’t work. I swear, my Bible case is like a 2nd purse.

Anyway, I thought instead of reading 1 verse in Daniel that takes me 50 hours to break down with the commentary, I’d trek around Will’s Bible to see what he had highlighted.

The verse above is the first verse I came to. It really spoke to me. If you read my “Expat” post last week, you know there are some internal struggles about what Will and I are supposed to do with our lives. It seems I really am allowing myself to be swayed by the things of this world instead of the riches of Heaven. I feel sad admitting that, but hey- at least I’m being real.

So, I really prayed today that God would speak to my heart and show me clearly the path that He has created for me and Will. If we’re meant to get up and leave tomorrow, that I would be faithful to do so, or if we’re supposed to stay a a couple more years as planned that I would commit those to Him as well.

I just thought I’d share these verses with you today because it seems like they were screaming, “Brittny! You freaking idiot moron! You’re NOT an expat!”

Anyway, just say a prayer that Will and I will truly heed God’s direction in our lives as we prepare for the future.

Hmm, last Sunday I got all “holy” on you too. Do I sense a Sunday theme???…

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.