Yesterday’s story came from Jacqueline, today’s story comes from my friend Lyna.

Lyna is a family friend that has known me for a very long time- which means she saw all my awkwardness and watched me live my stupid stories in real time.

Couple that with her freakishly amazing memory, and well- you get the following story.

Here’s what Lyna had to say in response to Sunday’s post:

You could tell us all how you have evolved in your cleaning experience, you know what I mean. From “learning how to vacuum, when you were in high school.” to being a total neat freak now. Really the vacuum story is absolutely priceless, and the reason you mother bought you one as a wedding gift.

And thus begins the evolution of how I went from Cleaning Dummy to Cleaning Domestic Goddess.

My parents spoiled supported me and my sister our entire life (which is probably why I tried to pay for pizza with $3! Um- read yesterday’s story). I had wonderful parents that always took care of me.

A lot.

To include vacuuming.

Sure- I cleaned my room, I folded laundry, I boiled water- but everyone knew that my mom was the lady that cleaned the house. She was obsessed. She was a cleaning freak.

Seriously- you could literally eat off our floors.

In fact, I’m pretty sure I did on more than one occasion.

Three second rule- ha!

Sure- I tried to help out, and I definitely did my part to keep stuff clean, but my mom was fanatical about a clean house. Cleanliness is next to godliness? Yeah- that was like our family theme.

In fact- I think we put that on our Christmas cards one year…

Anyway- you get it.

“Big” cleaning jobs were off limits to such irresponsible adolescents like myself.

Like vacuuming.

One day, in high school when I was old enough not to be a freaking idiot, I decided I’d surprise my mom and do some vacuuming for her while she was out and about.

I started by vacuuming my room, finding it rather difficult to get the corners and also astonished by the weight of the vacuum!

As I finished, a little winded, my mom came in to see my surprise!

“I vacuumed for you!”

“I see! Thank you!” my mom replied.

“Man mom, that vacuuming- that’s hard work! You can get quite an arm workout! I gotta ask- how do you get the corners of the room? I found it really hard!”

“What do you mean?” my mom looked at me puzzled.

“Well- all that lifting is makes it really hard to vacuum- it doesn’t roll very easily. Not only that, but the vacuum is heavy and I could pick it up to get it into the corners without scratching the baseboard!”

“?”

My mom stared at me- deeply trying to figure out how she was able to birth someone so nice and book smart but incredibly real world stupid.

Turns out, after further discussion, I had forgotten to release the handle!

I was vacuuming with the handle upright, picking it up and trying my best to roll it that way.

Who knew vacuums had a handle release!?

Genius.

Can you believe you guys are friends with me!?

So, somehow- between wearing the wrong shoes to school, vacuuming my bedroom without releasing the handle, and today- 27 January 2009 I became obsessed with cleaning.

I’m pretty sure you guys know that. I would point you to a post in which I obsess about how much I hate people wearing shoes inside my house, however I realized it’s linked to a goofy video of me and my sister, so um- no link.

Anyway- somehow I became my mother.

Ha ha- I’m pretty sure at some point every woman says that.

I don’t know how it happened, what changed- but I’m obsessed with cleaning and truly get very agitated when my house is not the way it needs to be.

Perhaps it’s as though I feel I owe it to that poor innocent little vacuum I used-ha, or misused- so many years ago.

So there you have it. Yet another B-Love Moment.

Perhaps I will no longer ask for blogging help.

But then we’d never have this much fun!

Writer’s Block.

That’s what they diagnosed me with.

I’m pretty sure I’ll make it through okay, but they’re requiring me to think more creatively and open my mind to new ideas.

But.it’s.so.hard.

I’ll pull through, I promise.

In the meantime- help a girl out. Give me something, anything to post about.

Well- almost anything.

I have limits, you know.

Or questions. Questions are good too. Angela always answers blogger’s questions (and does a great job, I must add!). Questions are good too.

Time to take my medicine.

Writer’s block medicine… Hmmm..

Do you think perhaps they misdiagnosed?

Everyone kept telling me how “dead” it would be at work this week.

They were lying pieces of crap.

Who are getting coal for Christmas, I’m sure.

Oh- and by the way- I had quite possibly the most HILARIOUS POST EVER EVER EVER written last night,

and then my internet locked up and died.

I’m pretty sure the internet is getting coal for Christmas as well.

The world will never get to see my masterpiece…

tears…

Here’s to hoping tomorrow is actually quiet as promised,

and here’s to hoping I can recreate yesterday’s post…

Let’s face it though-

You can’t redo perfection right?

Sigh.

(ha ha)

Talk to you guys soon. Merry Christmas Eve Eve!

1. Kill the power to my blog all day.

2. Tell me “you’re working on it” and have no estimated time as to when it will be back up.

3. Provide your husband with a shopping list for the following:

Milk
Evaporated Milk
Pasta
Coke

Come Home to Find:

Honey Buns
Donuts
A 17” Walmart Pizza
Chocolate Chip-Peanut Butter Cookies
Reeces Brownie Kit
2 Twix Bars
Egg Nog
2 Types of Dip
2 Bags of Chips (you know- one for you! one for me! As if one bag wasn’t enough to put your arteries into shock...)
Milk
Evaporated Milk
Pasta
Coke

4. Proceed to watch your husband stuff, shove, and pray the aforementioned items into the most awkward crannies of the fridge and cabinet. I’m pretty sure the fridge is so full it’s about to throw up all over the freaking tile.

5. I mentioned the blog already, didn’t? Screw it- seriously, it’s twitch-worthy enough to be up here twice. I was on edge all day yesterday. Just ask Angela. I’m pretty sure she and retired blogger Sarah got the brunt of my twitching regarding that matter.

Thankfully all is well with numbers 1, 2, and 5.

3 and 4?

Yeah, currently sweating all over myself in an angry twitching frenzy.

Anything causing you trouble?

"You’ve been working way too much this week.”

“I know. It’s been really crazy. I’m really ready for a break this weekend. Although, I’ll still have a few hours of work to do Saturday too. I decided to take a break tonight. I left my computer at work and have made time just for you.”

“Why don’t you use tonight to get some things done so you won’t have to work as much this weekend?”

“Good idea.”

...

2 hours later and I have done the following:

-checked my personal email
-updated my facebook status
-wrote on my sister’s facebook wall
-listened to trance music live online
-checked my blog (blew the dust off the front page… it’s been a few days since I last logged in)
-checked other blogs

Oh-

-and checked my work email.

Needless to say I will be doing a little work this weekend.

In my defense, I had not done any of those things since Saturday. I’ve been a busy girl!

Totally justified, right?

What can I say- I missed you guys.

My brain is mushy this week. Too much writing at work has affected my ability to switch into blog writing mode- unless of course you want to hear about various laws and rules and deadlines. Then I’ve got a host to share.

...

I figured you wouldn’t be interested.

More to come soon (and less mushy work brain!)

It’s been over a week since my last post so I feel the giant need to post something- anything- so that a 9 day old post isn’t sadly hanging on to dear life any longer.

Sorry I’ve been MIA the last week, my mom and sister were in town. It was so wonderful, guys. It was the best.

It’s been hard having them gone- I miss them already! I hope to post pictures in the coming days, as well as post a really annoying bleeding heart type post.

Because I KNOW how my bloggy friends LOVE when I whine and cry.

Right?

Ha.

Will and I are off to Waco tomorrow.

I have absolutely no idea why.

Why?

Why would we drive all the way down there to see a game we’re sure to win?

(knock on wood)

(knocking on wood more...)

(one more time for good measure...)

Anyway, I’ll be out and about in the big town of the Baylor Bears this weekend, but I hope to post soon.

Like I said- I simply had to post something.

Aw, what a committed blogger right? (ha)

Um yeah, so I’m procrastinating.

Procrastinating bad. Real bad.

Will, his dad, my dad, and my uncle are all in the Big D today for some big NHRA race, so it would be a really good opportunity for me to clean (and clean, and clean!) and get ready for my mom and sister’s arrival.

But yeah…

I’m not.

I need to be cleaning my floors.

I have this huge issue with floors.

Can I rant about the floors?

Of course I can rant!

Ranting=procrastination

I’m incredibly obsessive about clean floors.

In fact, if I were to install one of those little digital signs with the rolling phrases I would stick it on my front porch and it would read, “Take off your shoes before entering this house or you will be fed to the two vicious dogs on the other side of the door.”

Granted, the “vicious” maltese wouldn’t do much- but still, a warning should be obeyed, right?

After being in Kuwait and having beautiful marble floors, I hate- hate- carpet.

Hate.

Loathe.

In fact, please excuse me for a moment.

...

Okay, I’m back. I had to go vomit, but I’m better now.

I have carpet in part of my house and am obsessive about no shoes being on it.

I seriously tense up and twitch out anytime someone tromps in my house with their shoes.

Do you know how much dander, dust, and CRAP accumulates inside your carpet every ticking hour of the day!?

Carpet is impossible to keep sterile- and then you add your shoes into the mix, and, well you might as well eat squishy, oily buttered popcorn off the floor of your town’s 1978 movie theatre!

Do you know where you shoes have been?

AHHH! I can’t even think about it. Seriously, my heart rate is increasing even now as I type.

My shoulders tighten and start to scrunch towards my neck.

I begin to feel as though I’m wearing this super tight itchy sweater in the middle of summer.

Tight.

Itchy.

Sweater.

Will’s parents wear shoes inside anytime they come and I seriously scream on the inside the whole time they’re here. On the outside it’s all smiles, but on the inside I’m like a bad episode of Roseanne with the volume full blast.

Yeah, it’s really that painful on the inside when this occurs.

So- if you ever come to my house, you know the rules. If you don’t want to piss me off, take off your shoes.

If you wear your shoes inside, well, I’ll know you’re evil.

Wow.

So now you guys know what a weirdo I am.

Why stop now!? Let’s just drive my craziness home!

Today I was looking through some old emails (ie: PROCRASTINATING) and stumbled across a couple that made me laugh big time.

I better premise this conversation with a big: P is totally going to kill me.

Okay- so when she came to visit we were goofing off one night and decided to send people silly videos because, well, we’re crazy when we get together.

So- I sent these girls a couple really, really embarrassing videos.

You don’t need to tell P and I not to quit our day jobs- trust me, we already know.

So, if we ever meet in real life and you get to know me a little better, perhaps your poor little email box will be inundated with something like this:

.
.
.
.
.

or this:
.
.
.
.
.

Like our fancy water bottle mics?

Yeah, me too. Only the best for my friends.

Why oh why do I willingly embarrass myself for the whole world to see!?

I really don’t know.

It’s seriously got to stop.

Apparently,procrastinating gets me into trouble and causes my judgement to be impaired.

Hmm, so it’s either:

A. Continue to look like an idiot on the internet

B. Watch another an awful episode of Trading Spouses

C. Scrub my floors

Wow. Things are looking up.

not.

Vote, guys! Vote now!

Wait.

I totally see a huge overwhelming vote of choice “A” if I leave it up to The People.

Um yeah I better not leave it up to you guys.

I believe it’s time to get to those floors…

Brittny’s Procrastination=Really Embarrassing Blog Posts

<3 more (less humiliating things) to come…

I’m pretty sure I promised “the biggest update ever- with pictures” or something like that in my last post.

It’s coming.

I feel as though I’ve been missing out on some serious blogable posts because I’ve been storing it all up for one huge puke fest of information.

Puke Fest.

Gross.

Note to self- never say that again.

Ever.

There have been a lot of recent conversations and moments in which I’ve thought to myself, ‘You need to tell your friends about what just happened when you write your update post,” but I’ll be honest- there’s no way I’m going to remember to tell you about how my marriage has been brought to a whole new level of “marriedness” now that we own a house together and FOUR dogs. Sigh. So, I digress.

I also know that my big huge update with pictures won’t be posted until this weekend, so therefore I felt it necessary to remind myself of all the things I need to talk about and thus am making a list right here:

-My trip (all 20 long days of it)
-Pictures
-Rocky
-Teddy
-1st OU game
-Dad’s Visit
-Mom & P’s Visit
-The Zoo

Hopefully I’ll cover it all- because I know you’re on the edge of your seat waiting for pictures and an update (ha).

Have a good week. The madness begins.

For the next 2 days we’re enjoying the sights of Spain!

Because we’re fatties and obsessed with food, both of these excursions revolve around eating.

I’m siked!

Our first stop is Barcelona where we’ll be going on a Tapas Tour. I figure you can’t go wrong with that.

Our 2nd day is in Mallorca, which will consist of a tour of the Costa Nord concluding with a wine tasting.

gasp- that’s right. Wine tasting.

(For those of you confused, apparently there are people that know me used to know me that think I’ve abandoned God for going on a wine tasting tour. They also don’t know that I know they read my blog. I thought it nice just to call them out and say a friendly hello.)

Hello!

Moving along.

We’re going on a wine tasting tour in Spain, which will conclude our time there. I’m so excited. I know we’re going to have a great time on these tours.

Oh and PS- I miss Will. <3

Yeah that whole picture update thing little miss P promised earlier this week?

She was off her rocker.

The truth is that I’m back- but not with pictures.

Yes, finally back.

It’s funny to me how I can keep in contact with you guys so much better across an ocean. Here I am in your backyard and can’t even log in to say, “Hey! I’m alive!

This is the first time i’ve been on the computer since the last time.

(ha ha)

Which was the last time I posted… whenever that was. I literally didn’t check my email for like 4 weeks.

It was amazingly liberating

and stressful.

In fact, I even dreamed about it-

not checking my email.

Crazy right?

Things have just been a whilwind lately.

I’m still adjusting to life back home, getting used to some of the things I wasn’t accustomed to for the past 3 years (ahem- cleaning my own house and pumping my own gas- ahem- SPOILED).

I bid my sister farewell this morning and it really hurt. Thankfully i’ll be seeing her soon (remember! We’re taking an extremely long and amazing cruise- YAY!). However, saying goodbye was still hard because it’s a reminder of the fact that i’ll have to say goodbye again soon and that time it will be for a long time.

Ugh.

Let’s not be a downer, right?

Having here was amazing.

A-Freaking-Mazing.

We had so much fun. Granted I had to work each day, and granted we didn’t do anything super outrageous or fun, but just having her here was so nice.

So that was my big news.

Oh and by the way- thanks so much for welcoming her to the blog world! I tell her all the time she should blog. She’s such a good writer. Ha ha apparently I am too because some of you thought I was posing as dear old P. ha ha. It was her- it really was. I felt so bad for my slackerness that I told her to guest blog. She needs a regular spot as far as I’m concerned.

Hmm.. Tuesdays with P?

It has a ring to it.

Oh- and she has her license- which TOTALLY deserves a blog post! C’mon P- at least guest blog on mine so you can tell the license story. Pretty please?

I won’t tell you guys anything just in case she decides to share…

Alright moving along (at least until I can convince Miss P to blog anyway)

We’re becoming a petting zoo here at the B-Love house.

We’re buying 2 more dogs.

Yes- come bring your kids, they can feed the animals at the freaking zoo!!

These dogs, unlike boz and lucy, will be exclusively outside doggies.

So I guess it’s not total petting zooish, right?

I’m excited- mostly excited for Will because as long as I’ve known him he’s wanted 2 big dogs and now that we have a house and a yard we can finally do it.

Rocky and Teddy.

Those names don’t mean much unless you’re an OU fan.

We officially have all 3 Butkus Award Winners in our house- Boz (Brian Bosworth), Rocky (Rocky Calmus), and Teddy (Teddy Lehman)

Yeah- my husband is obsessed.

Ya think?

Hey- marriage is a compromise and I figured this one wasn’t worth fighting.

We’re getting a male Rott and a female lab. Will found these amazing red labs, they’re so unique. I guess that’s originally how they looked in England before they came to America. Sadly, I think I’ll be on my trip when it’s time to get both of them. :( I wanted to be there to pick them out, but I guess I’ll have something nice waiting for me.

Hmm- is that all the “big news” I have to share? I think so.

Okay, so now that I’m a little more settled I’ve been thinking.

Can we just start fresh?

I mean, there is absolutely no way I can get out of blog commenting debt- no way at all. I would totally need to take out a blog commenting loan in which I would hire people to pose as me and write nice little comments on your blog- and I don’t want to do that because I like you and don’t want our friendship to be based on blog commenting lies! Right!?!

Exactly.

So here’s what I’m thinking. I’m thinking of starting clean.

A blog salvation if you will (ha ha).

In which my debts are cleared and I can start commenting from X point on (like soon).

Deal?

Deal (at least… that’s what I envision you guys saying because I envision you guys as niceys and not comment whores. Right? Right??… hmm...).

So here’s the deal- I’m going to turn comments back on in September.

AGH! September- YES! I will be MIA for a little while longer, but still posting more often than before.

See- I’ll be on the cruise.

I told you guys it was long, didn’t I?

I wasn’t lying.

Um.. but I’ll throw in house pictures soon??

Ha- yeah because THAT makes it all better, right?

Hello! My name is Britthy and I’m a super sucky friend.

I totally deserve a t-shirt.

Wait- don’t do that.

But seriously? I’m wearing a big imaginary one right now.

As for things in my life…

They’re going good.

Goodish.

I won’t lie. I miss the way things were, but I think that’s all apart of being a grown up and adjusting to change. Perhaps we’ll talk about that in another post- one that’s not so full of randomness.

Things with the house are slowly coming together and I’m continually wishing the tiny bush out back were instead a money tree in which I could go out and pick big bills off it’s branches to buy all the pretty things for my house.

Oh magic beans.

I’d be fine with those too.

We’re starting to look for churches which is… fun?

Painful?

Stressful?

Full of blessings?

I guess all of the above applies. I just want to find one already!

?

Jumping from magic beans to churches. Should I have seperated my post with little stars to warn you of big random topic changes?

Probably.

Oh well… it’s just good for me to finally get back to doing something I love.

I hope you all had a nice weekend.

Back to work tomorrow.

That’s one thing I’ve noticed about being back in America. The weekends seem to go a lot faster! I guess because they’re full of busyness.

Anyhow, I’m back and hope to be blogging a little more regularly prior to my departure on the big sea!

thanks again for welcoming P, it made me feel really loved.

<3 and another normal week begins…