I go away for 20 days and my husband becomes a complete savage-

read: I fell in the toliet in the middle of the night last night (because really, who bothers to turn the light on at 2 am?) due to my husband’s bachelor ways.

Ugh.

It takes 4 1/2 years to train him and all is undone in a mere 3 weeks.

I think we’ve all learned a lesson about peeing in the dark here girls. A very valuable lesson-

Don’t leave your husband to fend for himself for 3 weeks.

That is all.

Huge recap post (with pictures) forthcoming. Oh- and I did tell you guys we got 2 more dogs. Yes. Welcome to my life. In a petting zoo.<3

Today I bid Rome farewell.

I say goodbye to some of the most beautiful countries in the world and walk away with nothing more than amazing pictures and 20 days of wonderful memories.

I also bid my sister farewell.

I say goodbye to the most beautiful girl in the world and walk away with nothing more than amazing pictures and 18 years of wonderful memories.

I hate saying goodbye, and I hate change. It reminds me of the life-altering change I made just months ago- my move back to America.

Part of me wants to jump on my plane (after getting lost and losing my boarding pass 3 times, of course) and get back to my normal everyday life in the good old US of A, but the other part of me wants Will and I to pack a suitcase and just go.

Go.

To where? I have no idea, but I guess that’s what makes it so ridiculous and silly.

but also perfect.

Almost exactly a year ago my boss told me- You’re either an expat or you’re not (you should click on the link and read that post. I feel like I’ve been struggling with this topic a lot lately now that I’m home). When I read that post, I think to myself, “here you are a whole year later, Britt, and you still have no idea how you feel!” I don’t know what that means, other than the fact that I still have the itch to just get up and go.

Ha- yet 3 paragraphs above I tell you I hate change. I’m such a contradiction.

See what I mean? A year later and I still feel all knoted up about where I’m supposed to be.

Wait.

I know where I’m supposed to be.

I’m supposed to be here, no doubt in my mind. I know 100% God has moved us back here, there have been so many confirmations of his work. However, if I share my heart with you guys, the truth is that I know where I’m supposed to be, but I’m not sure if I’m where I want to be.

Does that make sense?

Don’t think I’m terrible for sharing that with you. I know it’s not your expected Sunday School Answer, but it’s really how I’ve been feeling lately. I want to be in God’s will, I really do, but lately I’ve had a hard time really desiring it. I say I want it, but then I think about all the “better” things Will and I could be doing and it’s such a distraction. I haven’t been setting my mind on things above as I need to, but instead have gotten caught up with the temporal and it’s so foolish of me.

Yes, I had to go to Rome to figure all this out.

Figure what out!?

I haven’t figured anything out!

Okay- well I had to go to Rome to realize I’m still a basketcase.

How’s that?

A little more accurate.

Okay, so enough of the sad whiney conflicted crap.

Who wants to hear all that- AGAIN, right?

Sheesh, the story of my freaking life!?

Alright- let’s move on.

So I bid Rome farewell.  Perhaps I will no longer associate Rome with stress now that I’ve made it to the airport and am on the plane?

I hope so.

I’m sure as we drove the long drive to the airport I held back the tears, and as they unloaded our luggage, the lump in my throat arrived.

I’m sure I tried to be the big sister and not snot all over myself as I told P goodbye,

but let’s face it, I was never meant to be good with such things.

In fact, I’m a week out from the cruise and crying as a type!

What a loser.

Anyway, I’m sure I squeezed her tight and got one last smell of her perfume.

I’m sure my heart was throbbing just like the night when I was in college and broke up with my first love. I’m sure as she went left, and I went right, I tried my best to keep it together,

but as I made a mad dash to the bathroom, I lost it-

as well as my carry-on, I can almost be sure.

I hate goodbyes terribly, but this one would seem so final in so many ways.

So as this cruise has docked, so has another chapter in my life. One that has P in an exciting foreign country attending college, and one that has me washing clothes down by the river in some tiny remote American town. (ha ha)

I finally give up fighting the tears and figure I might as well just let it all out-

and once again I wish Will was here to make me feel better, but sadly I’m all alone (and probably lost) in the Rome airport trying to understand what the hell 743 is in Italian.

As I get on the plane, knowing P is about to board hers, I wish her well in my heart, knowing that kindred spirits are never very far apart.

I think about Boz and Lucy, and the 2 new little puppies that await me when I get home. I think about Will and falling asleep in his arms,

and I realize it’s okay to say goodbye to Rome today.

Perhaps I’ll visit again..

These next two days of my trip will be spent at Malta and Sicily.

Tomorrow night is my last night onboard the ship and I’m both happy and sad. Before long I’ll be back in my little cube swamped with work and missing my days of playing bingo with the old people.

Here’s to enjoying my last full day at sea.

To Sicily…

The 3 days in Greece were great, I’m sure.

Yesterday was spent in Turkey, another place I’ve been wanting to visit.

Today?

Today is another day at sea. As my trip comes to a close, I’m sure my heart is starting to get heavy.

For one, I miss Will like crazy and have realized what a moron I was for taking such a long trip without him.

Also, I’m reminded that these are my last few days with P.

And it makes my heart ache.

When she left back in July I cried a little, but it didn’t hurt that bad because I knew I was going to see her in a matter of weeks.

However, as this trip begins to wane I realize that it will by many months, and possibly even years before I see my best friend again.

and just thinking about it and typing that sentence brings me to tears.

P is so different than anyone I know. She’s my little nomad that has no plans on ever coming back to America, even visiting.

Granted, I know (well, I hope) someday she’ll come back to visit, but I honestly can tell you guys I don’t know when I’ll see my sister next.

I’m sure as I went to sleep last night, thinking about another day at sea- the final day at sea- my mind was filled with thoughts of Will and P and how sad I felt.

breathe…

I hope today at sea is a lovely day, hopefully with some sort of a breeze to keep me in good spirits.

<3

Greece.

We’re here, finally here.

Yesterday was spent in Croatia, which I’m sure I loved- but I also bet my mind was on today.

Greece.

The next 3 days will be spent visiting sites in Greece, which I’m thrilled about. You can’t see everything you want to when you’re on a cruise and only off the boat 6 hours of the day, yet I’m still very excited about getting to finally visit Greece. I’ve always wanted to visit.

Hey, speaking of “I’ve always wanted to visit there.” I was thinking about how this has been a dream of mine for so long and I’m doing it and it makes me happy. It makes me think that I should do more of the things I “dream” about. It makes me realize that things that seem hard or a long time in my future may not be that hard, or might not be that far away. I mean, here I am on my Mediterranean cruise. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for so long.

Just a thought. Hey- stop reading my post and go out and do something you’ve always wanted to do!

Another day at sea, and I miss Will terribly. 

That’s right, friends.

We’re back in Rome. The city I will forever deem as The One Where I Had a Panic Attack Looking for My Sister.

Because we did the totally awsome cooking in Sicily tour, we had to sit one out, and sadly, we’re sitting out our stay in Rome.

At the time we booked this trip it didn’t seem like a big deal to skip out on Rome, however, now that I’m thinking about it- I wish we wouldn’t have.

Today is sort of like another day at sea for me and P. I’m sure we’re having a grand time doing nothing, but I’m sure we both wish we would have toured Rome.

I mean-

It’s ROME.

Ugh. Don’t remind me of my folly.

I’m off to get an ice cream cone.

We’re visiting the runis of Pompeii today and I’ve looking forward to this trip. I’ve seen way too many educational videos on the place while in school, so I figure I ought to actually see the place. I’m not sure P is as excited, but hopefully I’ll make it fun.

The trip is halfway over. 

It’s here guys! It’s finally here!

Today is the stop P and I have been so excited about! It’s the excursion we spent the most money on and have been looking forward to the most!

Today is Cooking in Sicily!

Today we’ll meet up with a Sicilian chef, go shopping in the local markets, and make a dish!

I know you guys are probably all- “That!? You’re excited for THAT? You spent the most money on THAT?”

Yes. THAT.

I’m thrilled.

I wish I could write this post in real time to tell you how great it was- oh- and let you try my Sicilian masterpiece. ha ha

Wish you were here. Yay for the best excursion! It’s finally arrived. 

That is all…

PS- I miss Will.