1.I can’t blow my nose in public. I just can’t do it. In fact, when I feel like my nose may run in front of others I get all panicked and plan an escape route.

Yes you read right, an ESCAPE route. It’s like a whole Jack Bauer thing- what’s my exit strategy? Are there Kleenex nearby? What about a mirror to ensure there’s no post nose blow drippage?

Oh- and I should probably mention that I am an awful nose-blower. I don’t even think I could properly blow my nose until I was a teenager.

Wow- the fact that I’m volunteering this information? So great. Thank God I’m not looking to join the Junior League anytime soon. I’m pretty sure this is the stuff that you don’t tell others, right?

2. The first Will I ever loved, Prince William, is getting married. Which totally dashes my dreams of ever becoming a real princess. Granted, my marital situation sort of dashes that too, but I like to think Will would have been okay with me bring a princess. But now? Now Prince William is engaged and my dream is all over…

What about you? Any fellow Prince William crushes?

3. Guilty pleasure: secretly loving when I hear a rap song that mentions another rap song’s lyrics and being able to totally understand the reference and what song it comes from. You have to have lofty goals, my friends, lofty goals.

4. I realize I’ve neglected this blog a little in recent years, for a number a reason- mainly because I’m a lot more grown up than I was when I started this thing at the baby age of 21 (can you believe I’ve been blogging that long!?!). However, I was going through and looking at old posts the other day and realized:
a. How young and silly I sounded most of the time
b. How many freaking ANNOYING emoticons I used- how did you guys bear through these posts back then with a smiley after every
fourth word!?
c. How I still am that same girl but just a little older and wiser
d. How this blog is a continual reminder about how much I enjoy writing and sharing of myself. And it makes me realize what I enjoy
in life and what I’m good at and that maybe one day I’ll take a different path in my life to focus more on such things.

5. They’re making a new True Grit movie. Which makes me want to cry. I actually blogged about the first True Grit a few years ago, when Will
was on his John Wayne kick and we literally watched a new (ha well, new to us) movie of his every weekend. True Grit was pretty painful the first time for me- but it gave me so super great material to joke with Will about. “These corn pies taste like blood!” <- in the most Southern accent you can imagine of course. In fact- if you typed that phrase into my search bar I’m pretty sure the my post about John Wayne ( as well as 15 other things because, per number 4. Sub section a I sounded young and silly and scattered most of the time. Scattered… we should have added that to the list). Anyway- I have a feeling know I’ll be going to see that whenever it opens. A big sarcastic yay!

6. I don’t DVR it (cough- yet) but when I catch Teen Mom I totally watch it. Another awful guilty pleasure.

More to come!

I’m getting older. We all are. However, it seems like ever since I started school I’ve met this woman deep down inside of me that I never knew existed. Meet Grandma Brittny.

Grandma Brittny is alright… I suppose. I mean, she’s very concerned about coffee in the morning and obtaining ample fiber with breakfast.

She’s interested in the weather and whether it corresponds with the almanac.

She even wears big bulky socks to bed most nights.

She never watches the 10:00 news (because she’s already in bed, of course).

Guys- Grandma Brittny is KILLING Regular Brittny!

It’s like she’s taking over my body and is trying to control it remotely from some station in the clouds.

I don’t think I realized how bad it really was until a couple weeks ago. P and I FaceTime three mornings a week. We get ready together, which I find very fun.

“Should I wear the green shirt or the pink one?”

“Yogurt or eggs?”

“Ooh! That blush is so pretty!”

It’s great.

Anyway, the other morning we were talking and I mentioned how much I was loving my new deodorant and how wonderful it smelled. I went on and on about the stuff and how, “if they made it in a lotion in that scent I’d use it all the time.”

Finally P asked what kind I was using, and I told her, and she burst into laughter- “That crap smells like an old lady!!”

Busted.

I laughed, and agreed, and then cursed Grandma Brittny.

And then caved and had my FiberOne for breakfast- being sure to remember my multivitamin.

I had another similar encounter a few days ago before going to the gym.

I’m one of those annoying girls that sprays on the body spray before going to gym. In hopes of quelling the sweaty “yuck.” I noticed I was out of my old spray and used a new Bath and Body Works one Will’s mom had gotten for me last Christmas. I remember when I had gotten it I specifically said to Will, “ This stuff smells like something an old lady would wear!”

But because there was no receipt I wasn’t able to take it back. So, I kept it and figured I’d be able to use it for instances such as these- going to the gym, lazy days around the house, etc.

So I sprayed it on and headed to the gym. On my way there I began thinking, “Huh… this stuff doesn’t smell bad at all! In fact, it smells pretty great!”

I quickly realized what had happened. “Get a hold of yourself! Don’t you see what she’s trying to do!? She’s trying to weaken you!”

And I almost let her win.

So now I’m in full revolt mode. Out to take my life back and away from the feeble old hands of that old hag! Just because I’m in school again doesn’t mean I have to turn into a big Granny, right!?

I’m going out of my way to avoid bedazzlers and sweat suits in the mall, and eating Lucky Charms for breakfast. I’m cranking up the rap and avoiding the Hallmark channel.

Just regular old coffee? Pow! Extra shot of espresso please!

10:00 news? How about Conan!

Bulky socks? Lingerie!

I realize it’s petty, and it’s likely a matter of time before Grandma Brittny returns (and this time for good), but I’d like to think that’s still another 20 years away, you know?

So, when that day finally comes I’ll embrace Grandma Brittny with open arms- but until then? It’s war.

In follow up to my last post- do you realize it would be healthier (um and I use that term very, very loosely) for me to go to the fridge, pull out two sticks of butter, and proceed to eat them like a Popsicle? At least I wouldn’t have to consider the ENTIRE box of powdered sugar or the whole box of cake mix AKA the “crust.”

Because eating straight butter would be healthier. It would. (again- using that word liberally) This gooey butter cake could be the death of me. Normal people would throw it away. I however like to keep it around like that lousy ex boyfriend. You know he is no good for you but you just can’t help but keep him around because you like the abuse. Plus he smells nice.

The gooey pumpkin butter cake is like that.

Maybe worse. But it was made by Paula Deen and I’m pretty sure she’s the sweetest lady around. So the butter powdered sugar concoction can’t be ALL bad right?

Dont answer. I have no intention of listening anyway. I just found it funny that eating straight butter (which I don’t even really like by the way) would be “better.” nice.

That is all, carry on.

Oh- and I posted this from my phone. The formatting is crappy, yes? 

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving! I hope you all had a great day. Mine was very nice. Will and I spent the day with his family and then came home and watched football. A pretty typical Thanksgiving day, but just what I needed. Plus I got to FaceTime with P which was pretty great too.

I’m looking forward to the next few days off. Today we got up late and didn’t do too much. I went to the gym in hopes of burning off a few of those thousands of calories I consumed yesterday (which was hopeless due to the gooey pumpkin BUTTER cake sitting in my fridge. Two sticks of butter is sitting in that cake pan. TWO STICKS. And Will isn’t big fan of pumpkin. Please don’t even tell me how long that means I’ll have to be on the treadmill. It will hurt too much).

We went and saw The Next Three Days- along with a plethora of others from Oklahoma. I guess I forget that seeing movies this time of year is sort of a “thing” people do. A post-Thanksgiving tradition, if you will. Much like Black Friday shopping, or putting up Christmas decorations. So now we’re home and contemplating pay per view movies. We shall see…

Tomorrow is a trip to Tulsa to see Will’s other side of the family. That will consume most of the day followed by the big game which will decide if we’re going to the Big 12 Championship or not. And then I’m scheduled to take Monday off! It’s my hope that I’ll be able to do so, but I might end up having to do some work but at least it will be at home, right?

So there you have it. As if you had even asked. Because I’m pretty sure you didn’t and I just volunteered it all.

More to come. We have lots to talk about!

Will and I recently went out of town and boarded the doggies at a new vet clinic.
 
We opted to use this new place because we hate the other clinic in town because they are more exclusive about the dogs they board and it’s mainly just a thing they do on the side for a small group of people. We figured this would be good for the babies, all 4 of them, to ensure they got proper care and hopefully had somewhat of a better experience than at the previous kennel where there’s a million barking dogs and hissing cats around the clock.

Plus, who doesnt like to be part of an “elite” group?

Yes I realize we are talking about my dogs but I’ll take what I can get.
 
We tested the waters a couple of months ago by boarding Rocky and Teddy there while Will and I took a trip to Branson with his family. It worked out seemingly great and there were no issues. In fact, it seemed like they really liked Rocky and Teddy. What’s not to love right!?
 
Well, this past time we ended up having to board all 4, which was a first. Boz and Lucy don’t do very well away from home. They’re annoying spoiled companion dogs and will let you know it by barking all.the.time. They’re the dogs you love to hate.
 
Or  maybe they’re the dogs you hate to love.
 
Ha- who am I kidding. They’re annoying. I know it. But they’re just so darn cute!
 
Do THESE dogs look like they’re spoiled bark-y terrors? I think not!
 

 
Anyway- let’s get back to the matter at hand. When the Littles start barking it becomes a whole fiasco.
 
Then Teddy gets started.
 
And then it’s pretty much a deafening symphonic of various barking ranges the entire time we’re away.
 
Or so we’ve been told.
 
I think they’re lying.
 
But that’s because I’m in denial.
 
We went to pick all of them up the other day and the lady seemed quiet frazzled. Which made me laugh considering I knew it was because of Boz and Lucy. Tiny little teacups that weigh less than a bag of sugar. How much havoc could they wreak!? Are you telling me that YOU, a grown adult couldn’t control two Coke cans? Heh heh. Weak.
 
We got the dogs and she had nice things to say about Rocky and Teddy, as usual, but for some reason she had nothing to say at all about the Littles. I can’t imagine why (ha).
 
As we paid, Will looked our chart that was near him and noticed it said the following, “Dogs very bark-y. Not sure if this is going to work.”
 
So yeah, we’re pretty much blacklisted from this new place, largely in part to our tiny terrors.
 
So much for that. We might as well take a huge black Sharpee and X ourselves off their list of boarders.
 
Because I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what the old lady did as we walked out that day. Right after she opened up her bottom drawer, pulled the shiny flask out, and chugged the whole thing. Our dogs seem to have that affect on vet clinics.
 
All I know is that with dogs like these, we’re going to be excellent parents one day.
 

1. We hardly ever have bread in our house. Like ever. Likely because I’m capable of eating an entire loaf in two days.It would be like an alcoholic keeping a bottle of Jose Cuervo in their pantry. Probably not a good idea.

2. There’s almost always a load of clean laundry piled atop the chest in our bedroom. I think Will would kill over if it was missing, so I like to keep it there for consistency’s sake. And to keep him alive.

3. I really love my sister. I know you know that, but recently (like the last couple of years) I’ve really, really grown to love her more. I think it has to do with our ages and where we are in our lives.

4. I really like the Bridget Jones movies. A lot. I’ve decided most either love or hate them. There’s not really an in between.

5. I like Extra Spearmint gum. I personally feel it’s the best.

6. I hope I made the right decision with a two year masters program. It has pros and cons. The pro is that you definitely aren’t as inundated as you are with a one year accelerated program. The con is that you spend two years of your freaking adult life doing school when you could have been done in a year.

7. I don’t own a coffee maker and I’m a grown woman. It’s probably more common than I think, but it’s sort of weird to me. Although Will doesn’t, I love coffee, and now that I’m back to school feel as though I may rely on it more. Perhaps I should invest in one.

8. I bought my first Scentsy last week. I think women are WAY too fanatical about that stuff. Yet, I became one of them and gave in and bought one. I’m skeptical because Will and I really like the Glade Plug-ins, mostly because we have Boz and Lucy inside with us and like to have a continual flow of good smelling-ness throughout our house at all times. With a Scentsy it only works when it’s on. Eh who knows. Perhaps I’ll be a crazy fanatical convert too. I’m just ready for it to come in!

9. I actually dreamed about APA citation last week. Who does that!?

10. Go download the YouVersion app if you haven’t already. It’s definitely been so great for me to have the Bible on my phone. There’s absolutely no excuse for me not to read it! In fact, I’ve spent several mornings reading as I blowdry my hair in the morning. So efficient.

More to come…

Food morning.

Yes.

You read that right.

FOOD morning.

In a letter to our customer, the Government.

Nice.

I’m pretty sure I’ve sealed my fatness for life.

In fact, you’ll probably find me in the broom closet later this afternoon with a giant spoon and a tub of vanilla frosting.

Aw hell, screw the spoon- people like us don’t use spoons.

Food morning.

I did an immediate recall.

But it didn’t work.

I’d like to blame it on the fact that the “f” and the “g” are right next to each other, but the sad truth is that it’s likely my deep subconscious acting out.

Geez… well at this rate all I can hope for is a Food afternoon.

There’s nothing like a repairman calling to let you know he’s coming early that will get you in a 30 minute cleaning frenzy in anticipation of his arrival.

I honestly got more accomplished in 30 minutes than I sometimes do in 2 hours! How crazy is that!?

In fact, I think from now on I’m going to have Will schedule random appointments for our house and have him give me last minute notice so I can clean faster and smarter.

It will be like a game.

Like a fire drill. Only for cleaning.

Brilliant. 

1. Wake up on time. Even early perhaps.

2. Have a good balanced breakfast. You owe it to yourself- I mean you got up early, you have a big day ahead of you, go on- eat!

You’re making great time. You’re such a superstar and today is going to be great day.

3. Shower, do your hair, makeup, etc. Take your clothes off the hanger (the clothes you responsibly ironed the night before) and get dressed. You’re so nice to yourself. In fact- you even made your lunch ahead of time too! So squared away.

4. Gather your things and get ready to walk out the door.

5. Hear your dog vomit.

6. Spend five minutes cleaning it up, only to realize there’s more. There’s always more.

5. Finish cleaning. Gather your things (again) and getting ready to walk out the door.

6. Notice the huge Aquafresh toothpaste stain on your shirt. The left boob to be exact.

7. Contemplate going to work as is.

8. Change your mind and address the issue.

9. Finally leave for work.

10. Encounter traffic. Spend the next fifteen minutes swearing and going on and on about how you NEVER encounter traffic.

What terrible luck!? I mean- you made your lunch the night before, for crying out loud! You got up early! Early.

11. Get to work. Realize you forgot your laptop at home.

12. Get in the car, bang on the horn uncontrollably, and go home.

And don’t come back.

Don’t.come.back.

Or at least far less excuses! I’ve recently joined the 21st century and have an iphone! Up until a couple of weeks ago I was sporting a Razr- which was functional, don’t get me wrong, but now that I’ve had my new phone for a couple weeks I think to myself- how did I ever survive!? Okay so I’m exaggerating but it has definitely made life a lot easier and has allowed for more efficiencies in my life- which will now in include blogging! I can’t really have many excuses now. Although I will say typing this post from my phone has been sort of hard.

Excuses excuses! I guess I better start posting more to get my practice right?

Much more to come!